A Poor Imitation
by lastyearsthing
Summary: Sakura is injured on a mission, forgetting everything she knew of life in Konoha.
1. Memories Lost

_I do not own Naruto. I am not making any money or profit from this story, etc. etc. _

_**A Poor Imitation**_

_Chapter 1 - Memories Lost_

_This story is for Wildwesternwind, because i owe her a lot, for Wolfiziri because her pictures are so inspiring - especially her ones for this first chapter, and for icarust for prodding me to keep writing what i love and bouncing ideas on this story. Thank you guys. _

_This is a short jaunt into kakasaku and a little step back into my angst shoes. I hope you enjoy it._

* * *

_The medic might still be alive…_

The sentence ran through Hatake Kakashi's head over and over again in the rough shaky male voice that had first said it while he had loomed over the man. There had been nothing else in his turning mind except those words for the last hour.

The eeriness of how silent the morning was when the snow fell lightly and there was an absence of any wind, played on Kakashi's sense of foreboding. The day was dim, the sun hidden well behind the blank winter sky. The air felt crisp on the small amount of his face that was exposed. His breath rose from his mask like cigarette smoke, curling for a moment in front of his mouth before the next breath came.

His chest felt unusually constricted; his shoulders ached.

It took a lot to make Kakashi nervous anymore. But his heart pounded so hard in his chest, he worried it might be louder than the wet crunch of the snow under his thick boots. He could hear it in his ears, feel it in his throat, strangling any words that he might have wanted to speak – could he find any.

_The medic might still be alive…be alive…might still…_

He vaguely wished he had never heard it. False hope was the worst.

White blankets of flakes covered everything in sight - the rotted and broken roof of the old abbey, the leafless trees spotted around the area, and the dark gravel below his feet. It was so white, but gray underneath somehow.

Everything before him seemed to set the scene for what he expected to find. Ever since they came upon the first body of that lost squad, he anticipated nothing but tragedy. It was easier to deal with everything if he expected nothing.

He couldn't smell anything but the smoke from a fireplace inside, choking its black ash out of the decrepit chimney on the roof. The faltering bricks looked as though they might crash through the wooden shingles at any second. Someone was there or very recently had been.

With the few other elites in Kakashi's small squad, they surrounded the old stone building tucked away in a quiet corner of the Cloud Country, each taking a point of entry. They had only one objective.

Kakashi couldn't remember the last time he felt so uneasy; he would even go so far as to use the term frightened when he recalled it later in his own thoughts. His fingers felt tight, muscles contracted almost painfully. He'd had to flex and stretch his hands out a number of times.

_...might be alive…_

Was it wrong to hope?

The side door to the building was cracked and splintered under the rust-red paint that was probably once quite vibrant in the Priory's younger days. A round hole was left where the doorknob used to be, and the hinges squeaked painfully loud as Kakashi slid a finger into the space and pulled slowly. It opened all the way, lurching on the hinges and falling away from the frame just a little. A myriad of footprints soaked into the ground around the doorway told of more than one person coming and going within the last hour.

This image unnerved him the most.

…_be alive…_

Carefully, Kakashi stepped through the door into a long stone hallway – probably a servant's entrance when the Abbey functioned as to what its name implied. It was just as frigid inside as it was outside, his silver breath wisped behind him as he moved down the hallway.

Stretching his fingers once more, Kakashi slid his thumb under his leather headband and pushed up gently to gaze upon the stone walls with both eyes.

If she was in the building, he would find her.

The floor under his feet was wet from whoever might have walked there in the very recent past. A trail led to a doorway down the hall, but as much as he wanted to rush, Kakashi was never hasty in an unknown situation.

He could hear a door somewhere else in the building slam, and some heavy footfalls, but knew it was his own squad entering at other areas. For now, all he could think about was finding her. If she was alive, she'd probably need treatment.

If she was dead, as difficult as it would be, he'd bring her home.

Inching slowly along the corridor, Kakashi used his sharingan to look for chakra through the doors before easing them open one by one. After three doors, he came to the one his whole body seemed to feel was the one he'd been searching for. But the disturbing lack of chakra beyond the wall made him hope she wasn't there.

With a kunai in hand, Kakashi placed his other on the oak door and pushed. It swung freely, the brass doorknob hanging half off the wood in a pitiful sway. The hinges sighed softly and some light made its way along the floor and walls of the darkened room.

His eyes roved the space quickly, taking in the rusty springs of a cot with no mattress, the dirty tile floor, cracked and uneven, and the chair in the corner with the broken lamp beside it. A hole was punched through the terracotta plaster and something was smashed to glittering pieces just inside the entrance. A body of a man lay crumpled in a corner, obviously dead.

The chair Kakashi had noticed before had restraints nailed to one arm and both legs, and the second arm's restraint seemed to have been torn away, evident by the bent nail standing crookedly from the wood.

It looked like utter chaos at first glance. But the sight that made him hesitate as he eased in the doorway was the shaking woman next to the rusted metal radiator in the last corner he looked at. A resounding tap of metal on metal came from her direction and small white puffs of breath rose above her intermittently.

Without another thought, Kakashi was there, crouching beside her on the balls of his feet. She was slumped to the floor, knees bent and the sides of her feet flat as if she'd sunk down in defeat. The small ting of metal was the thick cuffs around her raised wrists connected on a short chain to the radiator, the chain banging as she shook violently. The usual short-sleeved red shirt she wore was ripped and bloodstained; tracks of dirt and muck ran from the cuffs of her black pants all the way up to her shoulders.

"Sakura," Kakashi said softly.

She flinched a little at the sound of his voice but didn't lift her head, which she'd tucked between her arms protectively. She continued to shake, and her breathing grew louder, faster, and just a little more laboured.

"Let me get these off you," Kakashi said hurriedly as his fingers went to the bolt connecting the heavy cuffs together.

But this time Sakura made a strangled noise as if someone had struck her in the stomach. A glassy green eye peered at him between the strands of her bloodstained hair and over her bruised and shaking arm. She tried to pull away weakly from where he touched the restraints, succeeding in only banging the metal louder.

"What's wrong?" Kakashi hissed, seeing the fear written on her face as she raised her head a little higher.

Her mouth was a light shade of indigo and her skin was like the snow outside. The chattering of her teeth quivered her split bottom lip and her brow creased over her glazed eyes and bruised cheeks.

A bright purple splotch of a bruise started at her forehead and stretched down one temple like a distorted violet. Cuts and scrapes littered her exposed arms and Kakashi swore he could make out bruises in the shape of a hand print on her throat. A torn leather restraint hung on her arm just above the metal cuff.

"Let me look at this," Kakashi said soothingly as he lifted a hand to push her long pink bangs out of his way.

"Don't... touch me," she whispered in a shaking voice.

"What?"

She tugged again on her restraints, this time a little harder, though still weakly. She tried to move her legs to shuffle away from him, but whimpered and hissed with the effort.

"Calm down," Kakashi whispered, tugging down his mask and feeling the cold air stick in his nose and chill his mouth. "It's me. Kakashi." He took her chin gently into his hand so not to hurt her, but not allowing her turn away either. If she could just see him clearly and understand...

Her eyes drifted up and down his face hurriedly, fear blatantly obvious in them as they rested on his sharingan. She shook her head a little and tried to pull out of his grasp.

"Sakura, I've come to take you home. You're safe now."

For a moment, her attempt to shrink into herself stopped and she looked up at him with shock and hesitation. The soft pink eyebrows over her tired looking eyes rose pitifully, and she swallowed hard enough to show it in her throat.

So quietly anyone other than Kakashi wouldn't have heard it, she said "You... know me?"

"Sakura..." Kakashi breathed out in disbelief. For a brief second he just crouched there, waiting for the recognition to dawn on her frightened face, but it wouldn't come. The horrific purple contusion across her brow was making his stomach twist with worry. If she was hit hard enough to damage her memory, what else might have happened to her?

"Yes, I know you," he whispered gently, unable to keep the pity from his voice.

Her bottom lip still quivered and then her eyes rolled up slightly. He could see she was close to losing consciousness. Trying to hurry her into cooperation, Kakashi said calmly, "I promise that I'm not here to hurt you. Will you allow me to take these restraints off you?"

Her glazed eyes flicked on him, but just barely, and she tried to nod but her body began to give up as she swayed backwards. Her arms stretched out as the chain from her cuffs pulled taut, preventing her from falling back completely. A sharp wince of pain accompanied the ringing of the metal chain.

Kakashi quickly slid an arm around her back, getting another whimper of pain from her as her head fell onto his shoulder. She was going to pass out and he knew he needed to get her warm quickly or all their efforts would have been in vain.

"Hold on, Sakura. The hard part is over."

* * *

The first thing she felt when she awoke was the pain in her head. The second was the softness beneath her body as she shifted just a little. The crackle of a fire burning somewhere in the room was unmistakable, and the heat seemed to touch the exposed parts of her arms and face. The smell of wet wood burning mixed with dust and mold filled her nose with a damp, strangling stench. Feet shuffled softly around the room and voices mumbled nearby, but the tone was quiet.

Still, she was terrified.

_He said my name was Sakura..._

Opening her eyes slowly, she tried to make out where she was. The cracked plaster and peeling wallpaper was her first clue that she was still in the same building. Unfortunately, she had no idea how she came to be there, who she was, and how her body came to be in such a state. But her name was Sakura, so someone knew her...

He knew her...

Very slowly, she turned her head to see two men talking by the fireplace. They both wore black pants and shirts, and one had a green pocketed vest on as well. The taller man had long, light brown hair and a long sharp metal stick in his teeth. The other man was leaning casually against the fireplace with his arm draped lazily on the mantle. His hair was the colour of snowflakes and his face was covered in a black mask that came up midway on his nose. She recognized him immediately, although he was no longer wearing the vest he had been when he saved her. The lumpiness of the bundle beneath her head was probably why.

For the life of her, she couldn't remember his name even though she tried so hard to. She wanted to say it to call him over. She was quite sure it began with a K, although she might be mistaken.

But somehow, she couldn't forget his face.

Who they were and what they were doing was a mystery. Immediately the fear began to rise up in her that they could be who had injured her, or that something worse might be coming. Too many possibilities and too many blanks in her mind made her anxious, her body already beginning to shake. Why was all this happening? Who was she to them? Perhaps she should try to escape, but something in her said she could trust that man...

"She's awake," a woman's voice said from the other side of the room.

Sakura's eyes snapped over to see who it was, but of course it was just another unrecognizable face. A woman with short black hair and dark eyes came closer while tightly holding some sort of bag which was rolled up and tied together with leather straps. She kneeled beside where Sakura lay and began to dig for an item within her parcel after unrolling it.

When Sakura saw the syringe, she gasped and scrambled to move away, tearing the light woollen blanket from her body with her sore hands. Clawing at the wood floor, she tried frantically to stand, but found no strength to lift herself. Instead, she managed to scoot a few feet off the thin mattress to a tattered, crimson winged- back chair, shrinking against the soft arm while trying to get between it and the wall.

"Get away from me," she hissed softly, bracing herself against the wall. Her body shook from fear and the chill outside of the warm blanket. They were going to kill her, hurt her again. She didn't want to feel more pain. Her head felt like it was splitting at her temple and her throat felt as if a hand tightened on it as she whispered out, "No more."

The room seemed to go to quiet and no one moved. Only the lack of sound had made her realize there was a quite a commotion just a moment before. Feet had shuffled, voices spoke, a door banged shut, but now there was complete silence.

"Please, no more," she said again as she pressed her face against the chair arm, closing her eyes. Her momentary adrenaline had died away, and she began to feel lightheaded and weak.

"Sakura," his soothing voice said softly from just in front of her. "It's all right now. You're safe."

Sakura opened her eyes, her heart thumping heavily inside her chest, making her feel nauseous and dizzy.

What was his name?

"Please," she whispered to him almost imperceptibly, but he heard. His hand was reaching out to her, just close enough to touch her bare ankle.

"I know it's hard for you to trust us because you can't remember anything, but I promise...no one will hurt you here."

His hand was warm on the cold skin of her leg. His light touch was like fire and she began to fill with a desperate need to get warm again, like the cold had stopped until just the moment his hand had connected with her skin. Everything felt cold except that spot under his fingers.

What choice did she have?

If he had not said her name, she would never have known it.

Slowly, and keeping her eyes locked on his one dark one, she reluctantly nodded her surrender.

The small bit of his exposed face seemed to lose the intensity it had and he expressed relief with a soft sigh and the crease of a smile under his dark mask.

He eased a hand behind himself to reach for the blanket, shuffling forward on the balls of his feet to spread it over her legs. In the same movement, he led himself to the floor beside her and sat against the wall, nodding to the others to give him a moment. Sakura watched them retreat back to the fireplace and begin a low conversation, periodically glancing over.

"It's probably not very nice of me to say, but you know, you don't look well. You've managed to get yourself injured quite badly, Sakura." He rubbed his forehead under his headband with tense fingers. "That woman's name is Shizune. She's our medic and she's a friend of yours." He pointed to the woman by the fire. "She was going to give you something for the pain and to help you sleep. I can't make you take it, but I wish you would."

Sakura pulled the blanket up finding it difficult to grasp properly. The man's hand gripped the edge lightly, pulling it over her shaking arms.

"I..." she said quietly as she turned her head slightly to see his eye. "I don't remember your name."

"Kakashi," he said gently, and she could see a slight smile behind his mask but it didn't reach his eye, "And you're Sakura. We've known each other for a long time."

Sakura tried to read his face, tried to find something she would recognize, but if she didn't know her own name, how could she possibly remember him? "Kakashi," she repeated quietly. "What happened to me?" Her voice sounded frail and raspy, even to herself. "Why can't I remember anything?"

"I wish I knew," he said so quietly that it stayed between them. "But you're alive, and for now, that's all that matters. When we get you home, I'll explain everything that I know. Does that sound fair?"

Sakura could feel the room tilting slightly, and knew that she wasn't going to be awake much longer. The moments of terror and adrenaline had sapped her strength and it was all she could do to stay lucid. He'd proven to not be hostile towards her so far so perhaps he really would take care of her like he seemed to want to. It was all she could hope for.

She laid her forehead against the chair arm and closed her eyes.

Any one of them could have overpowered her at any time. Had they desired to hurt her, there would been nothing to stop them. Giving in was all she could do.

He really did seem sincere in attempt to help her.

The muffled sounds of Kakashi's movement caught her half-attention and she didn't object or fight when his arm slid around her back and the other under her legs. The easy lift of her body caused some pain but again, he was so warm that her fingers, as painful as they were, tried to pull him closer. Her head lay on his shoulder, the soft cotton of his shirt rubbed against her cheek, teasing her with the heat of his body just underneath.

Just as easily as she was lifted, she was brought down to the mattress on the floor and carefully covered again with the blanket. Proving a little difficult, Sakura managed to open her eyes to see Kakashi crouched beside her, waving the medic over.

"Kakashi," she breathed out.

He drew a little nearer, putting a hand on her other side so he could lean over her as she spoke in almost just a breath of sound. His head turned so his ear was close to her mouth.

"Will you be here when I wake up?" Her eyes drifted closed again and she'd had to force them back open.

Kakashi sat back up and gently smoothed a hand over her hair. "Of course I will."

Shizune knelt beside Sakura, giving a solemn look to Kakashi before cleaning an area of Sakura's upper arm with an alcohol swab, and then wiped it off with cotton gauze. She peered down at Sakura and gave her a sad smile before sticking the needle in and pressing the plunger.

A line of coolness crawled through Sakura's shoulder and her chest suddenly felt heavy and lazy. Her eyes couldn't seem to stay open, and before the woman named Shizune stood back up fully, Sakura could no longer open her eyes back up.

* * *

When Sakura awoke again it was to darkness and the bland unnatural scent of sterility. She imagined that it would make sense that they would take her to a hospital as she knew she must have looked as badly as she felt. Even now she was in a great deal of pain, but better than before; her muscles, skin and head didn't have the stinging pain of injury and cold that she fought before she slept. Now it was all a dull aching throughout her body, almost tolerable as opposed to unbearable.

The sound of an unobtrusive beep keeping time with her pulse played its boring tune next to the bed she lay in, and the automatic blood pressure cuff would wheeze and hum when it filled. Sakura believed the sharp tightening around her bicep was what woke her up in the first place.

For the longest time, she just lay still, listening to the sounds of the medical machinery while staring up at the tracks on the ceiling that the striped cotton curtains hung from. Movement aggravated the pain anyway.

She was alive. Her rescuers had earned the title and kept her safe. It had been the correct choice (not that she had one) to trust them...to trust Kakashi. They hadn't hurt her, or imprisoned her and even though she didn't know any of them, she felt a little in their debt for taking her away from the horror of which was the first thing she knew. Whatever her life was before that moment had vanished into thin air.

At the mere thought of her situation and lack of memories, the low beep sped up just a little and she closed her eyes to find composure. A feeling of being lost and alone began a familiar climb into her chest, aching there for a moment before descending into the hollow shell of her stomach.

Even deep breaths couldn't quell it. She needed something to grasp onto for fear of being pulled away with the feeling of helplessness. Her hand groped out for the metal bar of the hospital bed to instead touch something warm and human and completely unexpected.

"Calm down," Kakashi said quietly from where he stood beside the bed, making her eyes shoot open. He looked down at her and she could see the concern on his uncovered face. The dark mask he wore last time was dangling around his throat and the silver metal plate on the headband he wore was still sunk down over one eye. "You'll have the whole hospital in here with the way that thing is beeping."

"Kakashi," she breathed out, her eyes wide and unblinking.

He'd frightened her. She had thought she was all alone in the room.

"You remembered. Do you remember anything else?" he asked in a careful tone.

Sakura believed there was a hint of hope in his words, and she felt a little sorry that she couldn't reply to that hope. The only thing she remembered was his face, his name, and the way he took her out of her misery.

She shook her head a little, trying to calm her breathing and will her heart to slow down. He was there and that meant she was safe. She counted on that now, counted on him.

"You must be feeling better. You've been asleep for about thirty hours and the medics have been working on your wounds. You look a lot better."

His voice was calm, lazy almost and completely natural. His tones were deep and soothing and she decided she liked the way it sounded.

"You stayed," she said quietly.

Kakashi nodded just a little. The dark circle under his visible eye told her he was tired, worn out perhaps from lack of sleep. Sakura suddenly felt so attached to him and indebted that she struggled to find words to give her appreciation. But by the way he looked down at her, he must have known how she was feeling.

"Do you need anything? I can get the nurse to get you a drink or food," he said casually as he turned and pulled a chair up beside the bed. He eased into it and leaned back, rubbing his hand through his hair roughly.

"It hurts," she whispered, trying to move slightly and grunting her pain before settling back to stillness.

"Let me get someone," he said absently while reaching for the call button with one hand and tugging up his mask with the other. He stood back up and was at her bedside once more.

Sakura found it a curious thing suddenly, that he would uncover his face for her, but cover up for everyone else. Did he usually hide his face? He was a pleasant looking man, young except for the white hair, so why be so concealed?

He leaned on the rail on her bed so casually.

"You promised," Sakura mumbled, suddenly needing to know everything. She desired to know who she was, where she was and strangely, why he covered his face. What sort of uniform was that he was wearing and what was the curly symbol on his and everyone else's headbands?

Kakashi breathed out slowly and nodded. Evidently, he understood exactly what she wanted, which only made her wonder more things. How did they know each other and why did she feel the need to trust him?

"Yes, I did promise. But you look tired. It's the middle of the night and you probably should be sleeping."

"Please, just give me something. I can't tell you how confusing and frustrating this is to not know who you are and anyone else is." Sakura pleaded softly, terrified that he would postpone his promised enlightenment of everything she was desperate for. She turned her head to the side and glanced at the machine attached to the cuff on her arm. "That machine is called an automated sphygmomanometer and it measures diastolic and systolic pressure. If I get an infection, I can name eight different medications that could be used to treat it depending on the cause. I know what temperature I should put the oven on to bake chocolate chip cookies and I know how to arrange flowers for a funeral, but I don't remember my own name or how old I am. I don't even know what I look like."

"Of course, Sakura. I know it's frustrating."

Just then, a woman slipped into the room through the double swinging doors of the ward, a syringe in her hand. She glanced at Kakashi and nodded. Her soft shoes made no noise as she floated up beside Sakura's bed all with while smiling sadly. "I've brought you something for the pain and to help you sleep. Tsunade is coming by in the morning to see you. We're all thrilled that you're all right."

Sakura closed her eyes. Another name she didn't know. Her head began to hurt more than it all ready did and she closed her eyes to block out all the stimulation of the room, the dim lights and the two people beside her bed.

The nurse proceeded to inject the painkiller into the attachment on Sakura's IV tube and instantly her eyes began to droop and her body became warm and heavy.

"Kakashi please, before I fall asleep," she continued to plead. "You promised."

With a curt nod, Kakashi was again leaning casually on the rail, bending slightly so he could be closer and speak quietly to her. The woman was already making her exit as silently as she had come in.

The tempo of the beeps grew slower.

"Yes, this is home," Kakashi said evenly. "This is the hidden village of Konoha where you were born and where you've lived all your life."

Sakura shuffled a bit, turning over on her side. He seemed a little remiss that he had to recount things to her that she should already know, and he also came across as exhausted but she was too desperate to understand so she was determined to keep him there talking until she had heard everything. But the injection was making her sleepy again.

Kakashi sighed softly. "We are...shinobi. We train here to become ninja and our skills are bartered and sold out to people who require them. We also protect our village and our comrades. You're a shinobi, but a special kind in that you are also medically trained which is why some knowledge of medical things is still in your memory. Your name is Haruno Sakura and I've known you since you were just a young girl of twelve. You're twenty one now."

Sakura's eyes dropped closed and she flicked them open again with effort. "Don't stop," she mumbled and her voice sounded deep and slow, even to herself.

"Your parents live here and you have a number of close friends. You graduated at the top of your class..."

Sakura could only hear the soothing quality of his voice as her eyes refused to open. She could no longer make out what he was saying and before long, she was only dreaming of him.

* * *

Kakashi stood back up, cracking his back and shoulder with a light snap. Lounging in a hard hospital chair for thirty hours wasn't pleasant in any way, but he'd promised he wouldn't leave her and a promise to Sakura was never one he could break.

He'd have to thank Hinata for responding so quickly to the call button. Tsunade had told the young Hyuuga that if Sakura awoke in the night she was to be sedated again quickly. It wasn't in the other medics to watch their superior and respected friend suffer so they'd occasionally poked their heads in on each shift to ask him how she was.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he had strong hope that she would awake with her memories intact, but her lost gaze took it all away in a second. Although the fact that some things were still there made him feel a little better.

Her closest friends were alerted and were on their way back from their missions, and Tsunade had been keeping a vigil outside Sakura's room for most of the last day or so running back and forth to duties and then returning within an hour. The relief that she was alive outweighed the fear of her memory loss for now. But what would the coming days bring?

And what should he tell her and what should he not?

Kakashi turned and wandered toward the door, noticing Tsunade wandering down the hallway toward Sakura's room as he stepped out of the swinging double doors to speak with her. He needed a shower and some sleep but couldn't bring himself to leave until she had woken up at least once. He figured he had a good six or seven hours before she woke again.

"I was told she woke up," Tsunade said in a quick hushed tone.

"Ah," Kakashi sighed, "She's gone back to sleep. Hinata sedated her as you asked."

"And...?" Tsunade pressed anxiously.

"She didn't remember anything of herself or me before I found her. She retained some memories – medical and trivial things, but nothing that tells her about who she is or who we are."

Tsunade's face fell. "I think it is worse than originally thought. Medical science is wonderful, but the human brain is complex. I've tried to see where the damage is and she has swelling in a few places. I can't say for sure that this is even the cause of the memory lapse."

Kakashi waved a hand toward a sitting area and followed her to the set of chairs near the nurses' station outside the room Sakura slept in. He didn't interrupt, instead giving his full attention to the Hokage.

Tsunade looked through the long windows of Sakura's room while she continued to speak. "The first cause might be the blow to the head injuring her brain and causing a retrograde amnesia, but this one doesn't seem to fit the category of proper amnesia. If this type of injury is the case, time and healing _might _bring her memory back. The second could be a chemical agent of some sort. If Sakura was being tortured for information, they may have injected her with something to make her talk. She might have tried to counteract it with her chakra and pushed back too hard in her memory centres, damaging her ability to remember. The third cause might be that she suffered something so traumatic that she's suppressed all her memories of who she is, which includes all of us."

"So how long until we see some memory come back?" Kakashi asked.

"It could come back in a moment. It could take a day, month...year. She might get a few memories here and there, or she could get them all back at once. Because we don't know for sure what happened to cause this, only time will tell." Tsunade sighed. "We should brace ourselves for the idea that they may never come back. Her absence of chakra tells me that the way her body functions has been altered. It's forgotten how to produce her usable chakra, just like it lost her memories. I don't know how to fix it."

Kakashi stood up and wandered back to the window, watching Sakura sleep peacefully alone in the darkened ward. He felt his gut twist like it did when he first saw the purple wound on her head.

If only he'd been there sooner.

"Go home and get some sleep, Kakashi. We'll keep her sedated until morning. As I hear it, she seems to have gotten attached to you so it would be better if you were here." Tsunade rubbed at her tired eyes.

Kakashi turned and began to walk toward the elevators, lifting a hand to Tsunade as he left. "I'll be here."

As the elevator doors closed behind him, he pulled off his headband and rubbed his eyes. The idea that who she was had disappeared from existence made him wonder how her life was going to be, or rather how difficult.

She seemed so different from the woman he knew.

In all that she'd been through and was going through, she hadn't cried once.

* * *

Thanks and hope you enjoyed it. The next chapter should be up soon. Thanks for reading and reviews aren't necessary.

The rating may change in coming chapters.

Leafy.


	2. Tea with Milk

Chapter 2 - Tea with Milk

* * *

"Pink", she mumbled to the mirror while rubbing some strands of her shoulder length hair between her fingers. For half an hour, Sakura had been standing at the bathroom mirror in her hospital wardroom, gazing at her reflection and memorizing every inch of skin visible.

When she had awoken this morning to the mechanical florescent light of the hospital room, Kakashi was already standing at her bedside. With his mask down, and apologetically, he explained that he needed to leave for a little while. But his promise to return to see her that afternoon was enough to ease her mind and allow him to go. He spent an hour talking with her before leaving, giving her insight into herself and everyone around her. He told her who her friends were, about their country, and what it was like to be a ninja and a medic. She liked to hear that she'd saved lives.

Sakura was still baffled and a little taken aback by the fact that she was someone like he described, so she was quite thankful to have the rest of the morning to contemplate and digest his words.

After another short nap and some blood tests, she now tried to escape for a while. Being poked and prodded periodically with needles and instruments that she could easily name and tests she could easily explain was getting tiring. She wanted to be alone.

The bathroom was the only solace and so Sakura took refuge and tried to find a little of herself in the few moments she would have. She blew a few of those long messy pink strands out of her face as she leaned closer to the mirror.

The fact that her hair was pink (and naturally at that) was a small shock, but she liked the way her green eyes looked deep and bright, translucent almost. Her nose was small and a little too cute for an adult woman, but the light touch of freckles, barely visible across it unless you really looked, was something she felt suited her. She had a young face, and was more pretty than beautiful.

She stripped off her hospital gown to stand naked in the small sterile room. With cool fingertips on her shoulders, she watched her own gentle ministrations as she stroked her skin there.

At the first touches, she found she had an "L" shaped scar on the right shoulder, and her skin was warm and smooth. Slowly she moved over her arms, feeling the hard curves of her biceps, another scar at the back of the right, and the little rough patch behind her left elbow. She touched the edge of her eyebrow, her chin and throat, and finally the outside curves of her breasts. She stared in the mirror at the taut plane of her stomach where a small round birthmark sat just below her navel to the left.

Running along her hips, she continued to trace her belly button before lightly brushing across the area between her legs. Her thighs were muscular and hard under her palms and when she finally sat down on the lowered toilet seat, she leaned over and touched her toes, picking at the cracked pink nail polish and the chipped baby toenail.

How could she ever be normal? Who was she really besides this woman in the mirror, besides skin and bones, and unusual hair and vibrant eyes?

A more abstract view of her body revealed that the medics or nurses had done a good job healing her. With just a stain of a yellowish brown bruise along her temple, Sakura had an absence of injuries. She felt healthy and stronger – and slightly desperate to get out of the hospital room all together, but where to go to was a different matter. It was like a fishbowl that had nothing outside of it that she could see.

Picking up the thin blue cotton gown from the basin edge where she dropped it, the reluctant patient poked her arms through the armholes and reached behind her to tie up the ties. A long last look at her face preceded her emergence from the bathroom to find Tsunade sitting there at the bedside waiting for her. The Hokage had actually been in and out of the room all day so it wasn't a surprise to see her there again.

"Are you feeling better?" the blond woman asked.

"Much," Sakura replied evenly. "Thank you."

"You look rested...healthier," she continued.

For Sakura, it was just another pointless bantering between herself and this woman. She could see that Tsunade cared deeply for her, almost motherly, but it was so difficult to respond to a stranger in the way she was asking for with her piteous gazes and long pauses.

Sakura nodded and then wandered to the bed to find the light cotton garment that the hospital provided as a housecoat, tugging it on. "I am feeling better. I'm wondering when I'll be able to leave. I see Kakashi still isn't here and I was hoping that he'd take me home today. He promised to tell me more about myself."

"He's on a mission as he mentioned to you this morning. Not a long one, but he won't be back until this evening." Tsunade sat back and her smile disappeared. "You seem to be very attached to Kakashi."

Sakura shrugged a little. "He saved me. I suppose it's only natural. And I trust him." She wandered over to the windows to see the brown sparrows dipping and sweeping past. She looked beyond them at the wall of trees, dark and green at the tips where they met the bright blue cloudless sky. Sad that even her hospital room had no view to gaze out on.

"Kakashi _is _trustworthy. You have a lot of good friends here that you can trust. But Kakashi is also an elite so he'll often be gone. I'd feel better if you let some other people into your life."

Sakura nodded, still not looking at Tsunade. She knew that was true, but couldn't concern herself with it at that moment. "Could I ask you a question, Hokage-sama?"

"Of course," Tsunade answered, pushing herself up and out of the chair to turn and face Sakura.

"Who is Kakashi to me?"

"I'm...I'm sorry?"

Sakura noticed Tsunade's brow crease when she glanced back at her. "I want to know who he is to me. Is he a friend, acquaintance...relative?"

"Well...I'd suppose I'd say at this point in your life he's a friend. He taught you when you were younger, and then you were a subordinate and medic in his team for a number of years as a teenager. I'm quite sure you aren't related. Why do you ask?" Tsunade's tone was fraught with curiosity, more so than Sakura had wanted to inspire.

"Just wondering. He seems to know a lot about me." Sakura had spent part of the morning reliving the moment when she first saw his face. She had been waiting to die in that cold room with no one but a corpse to keep her company, and no memories of why she was sentenced to an end like that. Pain and death, and then Kakashi and hope. How could that not affect a person?

"I have some theories about your memory loss, but I think we should give you a little time to heal on your own and to see if your memories come back. I'm confident that they will, but I have no way to know how long it might take." Tsunade walked toward the door.

Sakura turned to her and leaned back on the metal windowsill. She nodded her understanding, but could tell by Tsunade's tone that she was being vague. Head injuries were a mystery. Sakura knew from her medical knowledge that they had to wait and see. She liked Tsunade, but it upset her that she didn't have enough respect to tell the truth of what she believed.

Her memories might never come back – Sakura already knew this.

"Oh, there's Naruto and Sasuke," Tsunade said absently as she pushed open the door to the hallwayand looked out. "I'll have them come see you in a moment."

"Who?" Sakura said quickly, remembering something of names Kakashi had mentioned that morning. Turning to look at the two tall men standing in the hallway looking in she could see the blond one was carrying a bundle in his hands and his look was full of concern.

The dark haired one looked completely indifferent.

* * *

Kakashi and Genma stood outside the hotel entrance and nodded a fast agreement of what they were there to do. Four hours of chasing a false lead had left Kakashi in a quiet mood. They'd achieved nothing for their trouble and were no closer to finding out who had tortured Sakura.

Genma was more or less pissed, and Kakashi could almost see his irritation as if it rose off him like hot steam.

"He's on the top floor," Genma grunted.

"Penthouse?" Kakashi mumbled.

Genma nodded, brow furrowed as he pushed into the swanky lobby and swiftly passed the concierge, who put a finger up and opened his mouth to stop them. Kakashi glanced in the man's direction and shook his head once. That was all it took to silence his protest.

Genma was first to the door of the penthouse on the fourth floor after quickly flying up the stairs two at a time. There were actually two extravagant hotel rooms on that floor; the tall cherry wood double doors with gold handles faced each other inside a large marble entryway filled with art and antiques. Konoha was not a tourism spot so the rooms were used as a place for V.I.Ps and delegates to the Fire Country – and on an occasion such as this, a safe-house.

It made Genma angrier that this man, Tsutanai Ito, was being treated to an all expense paid vacation on their ninja profits, especially after what he had caused. With as much self-control as he could muster, Genma thumped the door with a fist while Kakashi leaned casually to the side. Both still wore the standard black outfits, but had worn black vests and black katana for their recent jaunt through the Fire Country.

When the door finally slid open, a woman dressed in a white bathrobe bowed them in silently. And as the two men sauntered by, her eyes met Kakashi's dark one and understanding passed between them. She was a special escort. It wasn't something he expected, but when they laid eyes on each other they instinctively knew that they both had a part in doing the dirty things for Konoha. They were both paid to perform the less than admirable tasks that others didn't have the stomach for.

"Who's there?" a gruff male voice shouted from a room off to the right of the main room.

The smell of fresh flowers and sandalwood filled the penthouse and tickled Kakashi's throat. Steam rolled along the floor from an open door like a fog over a river and so they headed toward it.

"Someone you probably want to avoid," Genma growled as he stepped into the large open doorway of a room with shiny wooden floors, a large sunken bath filled with steaming water and one very pale, skinny man. A woman was in the tub with him, and neither was clothed. The second woman who had let them in hurried around them toward the pile of plush white towels in the corner.

"Ninja," he huffed. "Can't you see I'm busy?" Sweat dripped off Ito's gaunt straight face and the woman wiped at his forehead with a soft wet cloth.

"Your lead was bogus," Kakashi said smoothly. "I came to let you tell me what happened on that escort."

"Did I stutter? I said I'm busy. Come back later," the man half laughed with a hint of impertinence.

By now, Genma had just about enough as he stepped forward, making Ito's eyes snap up to look at him. In a smooth motion, the tall ninja slid his katana from the sheath on his back and pointed it at the couple snuggled to the back of the bath. The girl in the water made a noise of fright and slid to the far side, holding her hand out for the other girl, who took it and pulled her out. They grabbed a towel and fled. But before they left, the woman in the bathrobe bowed respectfully and then darted away.

"Looks like your night just got a little duller," Genma laughed, dipping the edge of his sword in the water.

"I'm protected here by your Hokage. Your people failed to keep me out of danger and this is the reason I'm stuck in this place. I'll have you punished for this intrusion." He rubbed at sweat on his face with a shaking hand, far less brave now without an audience.

Kakashi shook his head and decided he'd had enough waiting. With unseen movement, he appeared crouched behind Ito and held a kunai to his throat. The tip of the weapon pierced the layers of Ito's skin and a warm line of blood ran down his chest into the water, mixing in like ink.

"Let's try this again. Our escort was enough for the mission you had asked for. Withholding details from a squad captain is what gets people killed. I knew every man in that squad and the medic is a subordinate of mine. You can understand how I feel close to this situation," Kakashi said so quietly and coolly that it didn't seem menacing, but had the desired effect.

"Y...yes...that's true. I forgot to mention the delicate matter of the documents we carried," Ito mumbled fearfully.

"Yes, you did." Kakashi said evenly. "Now is your chance for disclosure. Please begin at what you were carrying and why the medic wasn't killed. And be aware that I'll know if you lie."

"Of...of course. Please, allow me to get out of the tub and we'll sit in the main room. I'll tell you everything I know." Ito waved a wrinkly, trembling hand toward Genma as if to tell him to leave, but he didn't dare move anything else with the kunai practically scratching his voice box.

"Go ahead and get out then," Genma laughed without moving, "unless you have something you're embarrassed for us to see."

* * *

The sunshine was warm on Naruto's face as he stepped out of the door of the hospital. He took a deep breath to appreciate the sweet smell of fresh cut grass and the ramen cooking at the stand nearby. Naruto was always one to take a moment to enjoy the smaller things in life – unlike Sasuke who seemed to ignore even the pleasant minutia.

The sun was lower in the sky than when they arrived and now had that dramatic bright orange-yellow colour that seemed to stain the clouds around it.

He turned back and smiled widely, seeing Sakura take a step out behind him. She looked nervous – something he hadn't seen on her face in a long time, but remembered vividly from their younger days. His heart nearly stopped when he received the message that she'd been injured.

He and Sasuke had returned from an ANBU mission with special orders from Tsunade to come and see Sakura immediately. Naruto had considerately stopped to grab her some clothes from her apartment, of which the key was always hidden under the terracotta flowerpot on the neighbour's concrete step.

He'd grabbed a dress from her closet, being that he didn't want to rummage in her drawers, but took a pair of panties anyway with a swift grab into her linen drawer. Sakura didn't wear dresses often, but it was easier than looking for shorts and t-shirts. He'd snatched up a pair of sandals from the entryway to her apartment, and then they were off to the hospital to get her.

"It's perfect out today," he said happily.

Sakura tried to smile but her nervousness was getting the better of her. But true to her previous self's boldness, she took another step to stand next to him. It had taken an hour to convince her that they were people she could trust and that she would safely be escorted to her apartment. It seemed that she'd instantly liked Naruto, but Sasuke seemed to be the thing holding her back.

Four times she'd mentioned just wanting to wait for Kakashi.

Sasuke wandered out behind them, arms crossed and silent as usual. He'd never admit his concern for Sakura, but Naruto knew him well enough to see that he wouldn't be anywhere else at this moment. Sasuke's initial unguarded moment of minute panic when they got a message to return for Sakura was another good indication that he was still hiding his feelings.

"Don't worry. We'll take you to your apartment and you'll start remembering things," Naruto added and held out a hand for her.

Sakura looked down at his spread fingers and hesitated.

"It won't bite," he laughed and glanced at Sasuke who shook his head.

"Come on," Sasuke uttered smoothly, evenly. He wasn't about placation or time wasting. He took a step beside Sakura, taking her arm with his hand and tugged her gently. She moved along with him silently, not openly protesting but looking at Naruto like she was frightened.

"Don't worry, Sakura, he doesn't bite either," Naruto chuckled and caught up with them. "Do you remember anything about this place?"

"N...no," she stammered, shaking a little in Sasuke's light hold. "What are those faces?"

Her eyes were wide and they darted from thing to thing.

"That's the Hokage monument. The five faces are the five Hokages the village has had over the years. See Tsunade. It's a decent likeness. My father is the good looking one next to her," Naruto said happily.

Sakura felt small and insignificant against the backdrop of such a huge city and the mountainous faces looking down on it. It was a surreal sight and she had been unprepared for what strange things she'd encounter with just a few timid steps outside the hospital.

"Hey, guys. Hey, Sakura," a voice yelled from on top of a nearby roof.

"Kiba," Sasuke mumbled as they all looked up. Naruto gave a quick hand up to his fellow ninja who was walking with his dog, Akamaru, along the rooftop.

As they looked up, three more ninja ran by, one careening along the side of a building precariously. Two more jumped up to the high wall to the far left and leapt off to the other side. Another voice called a hello from somewhere and that appeared to be just about enough for Sakura.

"What is this place?" she whispered fearfully, her breathing was hard enough for them to see and hear it.

"It's too much for her," Sasuke said to Naruto who had taken Sakura's other arm now. Naruto placed a hand on her back and whispered to her to breathe slowly. It was then that her eyes rolled up in her head and she fell limp as the two men held her up to keep her from falling to the dirt.

Naruto allowed Sasuke to scoop up the unconscious kunoichi into his arms. The Uchiha sighed and shook his head, holding her tightly to him.

"She's like a lost kid or something. Usually if you grabbed her like that she'd belt you," Naruto said with awe.

Sasuke's sharingan flared red and he looked her over from head to toe. "Her chakra isn't being produced but there is a touch of it in her brain – pin sized and hard, almost too little to notice."

"Let's get her to her place. Maybe she'll remember something there," Naruto added, producing her apartment key from his pants pocket.

* * *

Kakashi walked slowly with Genma from the hotel. He'd managed not to kill Ito and had gotten more information to go on. The man gave up everything while faced with the business end of a kunai so things went smoothly enough.

Ito had told them that in the melee of the beginning attack, he'd confessed quickly to the squad leader that he had documents that the invaders were probably looking for, and that it could mean the financial destitution of his home village if someone else got a hold of them. Sakura was assigned by the captain to take them and hide them somewhere in the Cloud Country forest near where the ambush took place. All Ito could tell them was that she was tracked, and that after she ran off he didn't see her again.

It seemed that she'd managed to hide the item before she was caught and the interrogation resulted. The attackers knew she had taken it so Kakashi was quite sure Ito had given her up to them to save his hide. He was the only survivor they found when they came across the squad.

"It might have been nice to put my sword up his..."

"Genma," Kakashi said quietly, "I know you didn't have to do this with me. Thanks for tagging along."

"Nonsense," Genma said smoothly, drawing a cigarette from a pack in his pocket. "Sakura's a good kid and I know what she means to you. You know all you have to do is ask and I'm there."

It was absolutely the truth, Kakashi thought. He didn't have enough appendages to count all the times Genma had been in the fray with him.

After lighting the cigarette, Genma stood at the road edge and leaned against a telephone post to breath in the first drag. "What are you going to do?"

"I'll probably get changed and go see if she settled in all right. Tsunade thought it would be better for Naruto to take Sakura home. She's worried that she's attaching herself too much to me." Kakashi turned toward the sunset and scratched at his head where the knot in his headband rubbed.

"Does that bother you?" Genma asked evenly.

Kakashi closed his eyes and thought on the question, but didn't answer. Before anyone had ever said it, the first moment Sakura had calmed down at the Abbey when he touched her, Kakashi knew she was latching onto him.

And truth be told, it didn't bother him.

* * *

"Sakura?" Naruto's voice sounded distant, but loud enough to wake her.

"Naruto..." she breathed out, finally opening her eyes to find herself on a double bed in a small, light blue room. The bed was soft; a goose down duvet was under her body and she could hear the dull creak of the bed-springs when she moved slightly. The room was dark with only a street lamp outside of two long, uncovered windows for light.

"You okay?" he asked quietly.

For a moment, Sakura lay still and pieced together what had happened. When emerging from the hospital, she still felt moderately weak, but capable to walk. Sasuke had made her quite nervous; she could sense something darker and dangerous about him - much more than Naruto. Then the strange things she saw in the way of people leaping off walls and walking up buildings and the monumental faces staring down at them was making her head spin.

When her heart began to pound with the excitement, her mind had given up and everything went black.

"Where am I?"

Naruto smiled when she turned her head to look at him. The damp washcloth on her forehead fell to the pillow beside her.

"We're at your apartment."

Slowly Sakura sat up and looked around the room. It was a bland room but not much else could be expected for an apartment. It was neat and tidy, and there was a dresser with some pictures tucked in the wooden frame of the mirror on top. A clothes hamper stood in the corner and a table stood between the long windows with a few pictures in frames there as well.

"Where is Sasuke?" she asked.

Naruto sat back in the chair in the corner near the closet door. "He had to go home for a bit. We just got back from missions today so I said I'd stay with you until you woke up. He could tell he made you nervous. He comes across as cold like that but cares a lot about you. "

That Sasuke had left was almost a relief. He didn't seem cruel or someone she might hate; he just made her tense.

"You look relieved!" Naruto laughed. "He's not so bad when you get to know him. Well...you do know him. Actually you had a thing for him since you were twelve."

"I liked the moody guy?"

"Yeah. Loved more like."

"I don't think so. He seems like he'd be a little too intense for anyone to want to deal with."

Naruto covered his mouth with his fist while he belly laughed. His eyes creased up with his smile and Sakura found that she liked him even more. It was the first person to genuinely smile at her. It made her smile too.

"Hey, you smiled. Did you remember something?" Naruto asked happily.

"No, I just feel a little better. So this is my apartment?" Sliding off the bed, Sakura got up and wandered out into the small living room. It had one soft, blue, crushed-velvet loveseat that was worn and used looking, but stylish. The walls were an eggshell colour and a few black and white pictures hung on the walls. A coffee table stood in the centre of the room and a stereo sat in the corner. It was quaint and personal.

A tidy looking kitchen adjoined the living room which had only an electric tea kettle and a basket of tea on the dark blue counter. The apartment door, just passed the kitchen, had a silver umbrella stand next to it with one red umbrella inside. The floor was dark wood and her shoes were lined up in a neat row at the entryway.

A bookshelf full of books, some medical, some fictional, stood between the bathroom and her bedroom door which was almost part of the living room as well.

"How long have I lived here?" she asked while running her fingers along the book spines neatly lined up in alphabetical order."

"Probably three years now. You moved out of your parent's place when you turned eighteen." He followed her out of the bedroom.

"My parent's place..."

"They don't live far from here. They've been told what happened and they are waiting to hear that it's all right to see you. Tsunade felt integrating you slowly was the way to go."

"Having two strangers walk me home in such a place is integrating slowly?" she scoffed quietly.

"Better than having twenty people lined up outside your hospital room, I suppose." Naruto wandered over to the door and began to slip his shoes on. "I'm sorry to do this, but I have to run back to my place. You can come if you like. I just live in a building one road over so I shouldn't be long."

"It's all right. I think I want to be alone for a bit." She spotted a large black steamer trunk in the corner of her living room. "I'm going to just look around and try to figure a few things out. Thanks for bringing me home though."

"Anytime," he said with another large smile. But this time, his eyes didn't crease happily like the last time. He was having mixed feelings about leaving her. She didn't have to know him to be able to tell that he was experiencing some inner turmoil.

Sakura's own smile left her face. "I'm frightened, but I'm all right. I think I should spend some time finding out who I am here. Why don't you come back tomorrow morning and we'll have tea." She glanced at the basket on the counter loaded with small paper packages of different colours. "At least I know I have tea." She tried to laugh a little but it sounded strained and sad.

Naruto walked back over to her and placed his hands on her arms, almost holding her in place. She had to look up to see his face.

"I promise we'll take care of you. We care about you so much, even Sasuke, so we'll be here for you whenever you need us. You aren't alone."

His words struck her hard. It made her long for Kakashi to come back too. Already she missed him and wondered if he'd keep his promise to come and see her.

"Thanks," she whispered and nodded a little.

Reluctantly, Naruto left, stepping out into the coolness of the night-time air.

Now she was alone and she could feel her stomach tie into knots of anticipation and a little bit of fear of what she might discover about herself. Even with Kakashi's hour of talk this morning, she still knew virtually nothing about the person she was.

Her first step was the trunk. It seemed like the place to start.

She flipped open the brass latches on either side and then lifted the heavy lid to prop it against the wall. Her first instinct had been the correct one as she gazed down at piles of papers, photographs and documents. Scrolls of different colours and symbols were stacked in one corner and a wooden box with an intricately carved design of bamboo lay under a bundle of dried flowers.

One by one she pulled things out, reading them and then moving onto the next thing. The pictures were of different times in her life. The first looked like some sort of graduation, another looked like a flower arranging class, and another was something at the hospital with Tsunade. Nothing made much sense and she splayed her belongings all over the floor around her.

Lastly, she pulled out the wooden box to find that it needed a key to open. It would be a shame to wreck it, she thought, as she contemplated using a kitchen knife to pry it open. It smelled like cedar and the wood was soft and unlacquered. Sakura ran a finger over the carved the top, and then the small silver lock on the front.

It was then that she sat back on her heels and sighed. For the last twenty minutes, she had felt her heart pounding through all the things she was finding, hoping that there would be some perfect answer to reveal all to her, but it wasn't to be. It was like going through a stranger's belongings.

A sense of loss filled her and she put the box back into the trunk, then sunk down a little and laid her forehead on the edge.

A light knock at the door made her flinch slightly, but the despair she was feeling was enough to quash her ambition. "Come in," she said quietly, not really loud enough for anyone to hear.

But the door opened quietly and then snapped shut just as easily.

Sakura lifted her head and turned to see Kakashi standing next to the silver umbrella stand. Just as she laid eyes on him, a flash of pain seared up from the base of her skull into her eyes like a shot of hot steel pushing through her head. She hissed and fell forward, feeling papers against her cheek and hearing the rustling in her ears along with the loud thump of her heart. Her head was on the floor and her hand was groping at the documents, scrunching them up in her fists.

White light flashed behind her eyes and she shrieked with pain.

A warm hand was suddenly on the back of her neck and another on top of her hand.

Her heart was pounding and she felt nauseous, close to passing out. "Ka...kash..." She groaned again and gritted her teeth.

A few seconds went by like that, immobile and in anguish, and then the pain began to trickle away just as swiftly as it had come. It was like hourglass sand, dropping away, grain by grain. In just a moment, she could breathe again.

"Can you speak?" Kakashi said softly from beside her as her muscles lost some strain. Her fingers loosened from their clench and her arms lost their rigidity. She just lay still for a moment breathing through the last little bit of it as it finally disappeared.

"Y...yes," she breathed. "I'm...I think I'm all right."

"What happened?" he asked a little louder, lifting his hand from the tight grip he had on her wrist, but not taking his other from her neck.

Slowly, Sakura rose up and found herself almost knee to knee with Kakashi, his fingers just at the bottom edge of her hairline.

"It was a sharp pain, like someone nailed a spike through the back of my head to my eyes. But it's gone...just like that." Sakura was amazed at how strange she felt. Her skin tingled a little and her arms felt weak. She was overcome with the stress of it, and then it was like it had never happened.

"Maybe we should get you back to the hospital."

"No...please, I'm fine. I don't want to go back. Could you just help me to the sofa?" Pushing papers and things out from under her hands, she tried to stand up. Kakashi's hand was under her elbow and another was at her back, helping to bring her to her feet. The last thing she wanted was to be back in that room, examined and poked every few minutes by curious nurses and overeager medics.

They walked slowly to her sofa and she slumped down, pulling a blue throw pillow from the edge and hugging it to herself. Kakashi remained standing and when she looked up at him, he'd pulled his mask down.

"Let me make you a tea," he said calmly.

"I'd like that," she said softly, trying to smile but just finding herself staring at his face blankly. He had a nice face, attractive and friendly. Fleetingly the question was on her mind again about his mask, but now wasn't the time for that.

Kakashi swept around the couch and to the kitchen area behind it. Sakura could hear him run the tap for water and then he flicked on the electric kettle. She didn't look back at him; instead she just listening to what he was doing.

A drawer opened noisily and then a cupboard door creaked open and one mug and then the other hit the counter with dull thuds. He didn't ask her how she wanted it or even what tea she'd like. Funny enough, her brain had retained which tea she preferred - orange pekoe, overly sweetened with a drop of milk.

For a moment, she waited for the sound of the water boiling and then the light flick of his thumb turning off the kettle while she stared at the still life painting on the wall across from her.

"Kakashi," she said softly, with a sudden strange impulse, "Can you put mine in the red mug?"

When the light had popped through her eyes and her head was on the edge of exploding, she had seen something, a quick flash of memory - a second of something she didn't understand. Maybe it was seeing the red umbrella in the stand or her shoes lined up or something in the trunk that sparked it, but it was there.

A red mug...in a man's hands.

"Sure," Kakashi said quietly. He poured the water into the mugs and Sakura again listened intently. He didn't open the cupboard again. It appeared that he had pulled it out before she asked.

She was suddenly curious as to how many red mugs she owned.

When he swung back around the sofa with two mugs in his hands, he gave her the red one and his was black with diamonds on it. Sakura took the hot porcelain between her fingers and drew it up to her nose.

Orange pekoe with milk.

A sip told her it was sweetened just the way she liked.

* * *

Thanks for reading and i hope you enjoyed it. Thanks to icarust for her help as always. I apologize for the wait. I was planning on trying to post once a week and already i'm behind. This chapter got written twice - the first was a little too dramatic so I changed it quite a bit.

I would like to say I'll have another done within a week, but I got some things happening next week and it may take me longer. Thanks again for all the considerate and encouraging things everyone said.

Love Leafy.


	3. Without Eyes

Chapter 3 - Without Eyes

* * *

She didn't sleep, not really. Fits of dreams she wouldn't remember here and there woke her, and at least once she was beaded in sweat. At around four AM, Sakura finally gave in trying and wandered into her kitchen to make tea.

Kakashi had left after only half an hour the night before, yawning and rubbing his head lazily. Keeping him up after what she had put him through for days at the hospital and then his mission that day seemed cruel, so she insisted he leave.

However short his stay, his presence was always comforting. She loved to watch him tug down his mask and give her a quick smile. One side of his mouth rose a little higher than the other.

With a yawn, Sakura swung open a cupboard and stared at the myriad of black and white mugs, then glanced at the red one in the sink. Only one red one.

Then she opened another cupboard, then another, staring at the contents - cup ramen, noodles, rice, canned fruits and vegetables, dried things and one half-eaten bag of chocolate cookies. She opened the fridge, then the pantry, then the freezer. It seemed she was a healthy eater – probably why she was so thin.

After a short moment of contemplation, she grabbed the chocolate cookies and flicked on the kettle before retiring to the loveseat to put her feet up.

She wished she had asked Kakashi to stay...for just a little while longer anyway.

But maybe he had someone to go home to? Maybe he had a wife, maybe children, or maybe even a lover. She'd never asked him or anyone else for that matter. He didn't seem like he needed to be anywhere as every time she awoke in the hospital, he was there.

She appeared to spend a lot of time wondering about him and who he was. She found she was as curious about him as she was about herself.

Was it his hands on the mug in that flash of memory? Was it Naruto, Sasuke, Genma...some other man? She only knew of four men's names. Staring at the mug couldn't bring the image back clearly so she would just have to wait.

The clock ticked loudly above the kitchen sink, clicking out the seconds that she lay there listening to the bubble and hiss of the kettle. She searched her mind for all the things she knew, but couldn't remember learning. Her medical knowledge was sound, and her general knowledge was that of normal people, but the things like chakra and ninja were so foreign to her that it seemed almost ridiculous.

How had her mind managed to wipe everything clean about this world she was supposed to be part of? In all her medical knowlege, she couldn't say there was any sort of amnesia that behaved like that. People lost memories in accidents, but only the events leading up to it. Some people lost short term memories and had difficulties coping with everyday things.

How had she just wiped out an entire part of her life, but only things pertaining to ninja?

Selective amnesia _was_ psychological...

Perhaps another flash would come and she would understand. Perhaps she would learn whose hands were on the mug. Perhaps there was someone that wanted to be there with her and she didn't know who he was. Or maybe she did and he didn't want to deal with her current mess...

Sakura imagined she had probably never felt so lonely in whatever life she previously had. She was starting to slip into life one step at a time and would have to learn to get used to things as they came but she wanted to learn more about everything and get on with it.

If only Kakashi had stayed a little longer.

* * *

The bell at the front door shocked Sakura awake and she slid a little from the soft cushions of her sofa. A loud forward knock came soon after and she shouted "Just a moment!" in fear that they might put a fist through the door.

When she swung the door open, she was met with Naruto's generous smile and his wide blue eyes. His hair was light in the bright sunlight, and Sakura was a little surprised to find she'd managed to sleep a few hours to the mid-morning.

"Good Morning, Sakura-chan," he sing-songed happily.

"Hi," she said with much less enthusiasm. "I forgot you said you were coming. I must have dozed off." She fussed a little with her hair and realized that her baggy clothes were for sleeping and not for meeting guests at the door. "Would you like to have a seat while I just throw something on?"

"Sounds good," he said and then slipped into the doorway, taking off his shoes in the process. He glanced up and looked around her apartment. "Why are all your cupboard doors open?"

"Oh, I was just looking around," she said sheepishly, forgetting that she had left them wide open.

"I see," he mumbled, glancing at the mess of papers and items strewn about near the steamer trunk at the far end of the room.

"I'll just be a second." Sakura shut the door behind him and then slipped into her bedroom, closing that door as well. After just a moment, she could hear all her cupboard doors closing one by one.

For Sakura, getting dressed had become a little bit of an event. The closet was a problem. She opened it up to find a generous amount of clothing ranging from shorts and t-shirts to evening gowns and silken kimono. How strange to have such an eclectic wardrobe at twenty-one. What could she possibly need them for? Konoha – at the short glance she managed before passing out – seemed more like a village than a place to wear an evening gown.

"Hurry up in there," Naruto shouted mock-impatiently.

"Sorry, I'll just be a sec," she shouted back. Running her hands along the hanging garments, she pulled out a pair of black jogging pants and then found a white t-shirt in the built-in drawers. Casual enough, she thought sleepily and then proceeded to get dressed.

When she emerged from the bedroom, Naruto was eating what was left of her chocolate cookies while lounging on her love-seat with his feet up on the table. He looked so comfortable and at home.

"Uh, Naruto? Would you like tea?" Sakura asked as she wandered into the kitchen and looked again at the red mug.

"Nah. I'm not a tea drinker," he answered.

"Coffee?"

"Nope."

"Hot chocolate? Something warm?" she prodded.

"I'm not much of a caffeine type guy, Sakura. Wound up enough as it is. How about some orange juice?" Naruto continued to crunch on the cookies without turning around to look at her.

"Uh...do I have any?" she thought out loud.

"Actually, why don't I treat you to something out. I wanted to show you around the village today so that you can find your way on your own. Maybe something will come back to you." With that, Naruto stood up and swept the crumbs off his lap.

"Sure," Sakura agreed and tossed a tea towel over the red mug in frustration.

* * *

For an hour, Naruto led Sakura through the sun-drenched pathways of Konoha, pointing out things she'd need like the grocery store, the road to the hospital, and the ramen stand. She didn't tell Naruto, but she wasn't committing much to memory.

"Naruto?" Sakura began as she followed him to a grassy spot near an area filled with trees. "Can you show me where Kakashi lives?"

"Why do you care about that?" he laughed. "He doesn't like to answer his door and he likes visitors even less."

"Why is that?" she asked with a hint of a chuckle, suddenly happy to be having a conversation about her rescuer. "I mean...is he married or something?"

Naruto plopped down on the grass and motioned for Sakura to sit down as well. When she was situated, he gave her a strange look, and then shook his head. "No, he's definitely not married."

"How do you know him?" she continued.

Naruto sighed. "Why on earth are you curious about him?"

"Well...he was there when I needed him. He's always there when I need him. I guess I wanted to know what our connection was and you seem to know him well too."

"I don't think anyone knows him well. He's just known us a long time. His past is pretty damaged so he doesn't get overly close to people. I think our old team is about the closest with him though. I'm sure that's why he's there for you."

"I see," she mumbled. "So...why are we sitting here on the grass?"

Naruto laced his fingers, stretched out his arms, and noisily cracked his knuckles. "Today, we are going to get your chakra back. I was thinking about it last night and I figured I'd try to help you with that."

"Tsunade says I have no chakra," Sakura said matter-of-factly.

"Hm," Naruto hummed for a second, tapping his chin. "Well, she told us your body stopped producing it, so all we have to do is get it started again."

"How do we do that?"

"Well, today I thought we'd meditate. You know...just think about it and try to feel it. It's just a start, but it could work."

Inwardly, Sakura sighed. It was sweet of Naruto to want to help her. For his sake, as she was getting attached to him as a friend, she would go along with it.

On Naruto's prompting, she crossed her legs, put her hands in his and closed her eyes. For a few minutes, Naruto talked about the feel of chakra flowing through the body. His voice was quiet, which seemed unusual for him, even in the short time she'd known him.

Sakura closed her eyes and tried to feel the energy flowing through her body, but all she could feel was the coolness of the breeze on her arms when the sun went behind the clouds. She could smell the lilies growing near where they sat and the sweet grass that had recently been cut. Unfortunately, she felt completely empty inside.

"I'm sorry, Naruto. I don't feel anything." Sakura looked at him apologetically.

"Keep trying," he said quietly with one eye open, running chakra through his own hands hoping it would help. "Close your eyes. You sort of have to see it inside yourself...you know... without eyes."

The warmth of Naruto's hands increased to a point where she would say they were unusually hot. Quietly, they sat and she continued to try and imagine a flow of light through her body.

_Without eyes_, she thought to herself trying to see a river of energy coursing along.

And then it happened. The shock of pain in her head came; the same one she had the night before. The same intensity blanked her mind and made her fall forward, squeezing Naruto's hands tightly in the midst of it.

She grunted in pain and could only vaguely make out Naruto's voice saying something to her.

Then a flash came, another image of something, then another, and something equally as strong as an image; and then there was nothing. The pain had slipped away, just like water drying on the sidewalk in the hot sun.

"Say something!" Naruto hissed in panic.

"I'm okay," Sakura whispered as she tried to regain herself. She looked down to see that one of her nails had actually punctured Naruto's skin where she squeezed him. "I'm so sorry," she said quickly.

"Never mind that. What the hell just happened?"

As Sakura watched, his cut seemed to almost seal itself up. He wiped the blood on his pant leg and when he held his hand out again, it was completely healed. It was an amazing sight. "How did you...?"

"Sakura!" Naruto reprimanded, "What the hell just happened to you? I thought you were going to die or something."

"I had this once before. It's some pain in my head. Maybe its a complication of my injury but I see flashes of things I don't understand."

"What do you mean? Memories?"

"I think so, but there is no way to know if they are actual memories. They don't make much sense." She took a deep breath and sighed it out.

"Well, what did you see just now?"

"There were two things. One was Sasuke. He had strange markings on his face...like a tattoo that was taking him over. It seemed like it wasn't supposed to be there...or maybe just that it frightened me."

For a moment, Naruto was uncharacteristically quiet, then he let out a breath. "It's an actual memory, Sakura. Not the best one, but at least we know they are in there still and making their way out, right?"

"They're real," she repeated to herself, biting her thumbnail gently and focusing on a blade of grass swaying near her foot. Her mind began to turn on everything that had happened up to that moment.

"What was the other?"

"Oh...just...hands on a cup. Nothing I can make out about anything or anyone." She hated lying to him, but she needed to figure out a few things for herself before she shared everything with her new friend.

"Yeah, that's vague."

"I think I'd like to go home now, Naruto."

He seemed to come back to himself from his own thoughts and nodded. "Of course."

"Before we go though. Will you show me where Kakashi lives?"

Naruto laughed a little, "Why not."

As they got up to leave, both quiet in their own thoughts of what had just transpired, Sakura tried to review in her mind the feeling that had flashed after her vision of Sasuke.

This one was definitely Kakashi. He was injured and she was touching his skin while it healed under her fingers. But what was odd about that one wasn't the vision but the feeling she had through it. Something like relief, need...and underneath, longing.

Suddenly, she began to reevaluate every moment with him up to last night. Maybe he would stop by sometime today and she could actually ask him in a round about way who they were to each other. It didn't feel like something she would feel for a friend, or a teacher. It felt like something she'd have with a lover.

She'd keep Naruto talking some more, getting a little more information before she interrogated Kakashi.

But no matter what, she had to know if there was more to their relationship.

* * *

Kakashi yawned for the hundredth time as he walked slowly into the vicinity of his apartment. The hours had been long with a reconnaissance detail and pre-mission paperwork keeping him up since yesterday. Naturally he hated being up all night and hated rainy mornings even more so today was not shaping up to be an especially good one.

The streets were virtually empty except for ninja details starting their day patrols and missions as they launched up from the roofs and wall-top. The consolation, at least, was that he had more than twenty-four hours with no commitment and no work. Sleep and reading were the only items on the agenda.

The morning sun was starting to rise somewhere behind the murk of grey and dull white that blanketed the sky. The rain was coming; he could smell it in the air. The first drop he felt landed on the small patch of exposed skin below his eye and before he knew it, the soft patter began on the leaves and ground around him.

Absently he wiped the drop off with a finger and then felt some measure of relief as his apartment steps came into view.

It was only seconds and then the rain grew stronger, sounding like light applause or a thousand whispers. Kakashi was in and taking off his shoes before he'd even clicked the door shut. But something held him there for a moment with the door just ajar. There was a light scent, familiar and sweet, drifting between him and the rain-washed steps before he'd hastened inside.

Then he understood.

When he swung his apartment door back open, Sakura stood at the bottom of his steps, the rain dripping from the ends of her hair. Her eyes were locked on him, one of her feet already on his first step, but frozen and waiting for him to say something.

He supposed he shouldn't be suprised that she would discover his apartment before long, but still, he never imagined she'd be there already. Her eyes were wide and questioning as she shivered in the rain.

"Can I..." she began, then bit her lip.

Her timidity was not lost on Kakashi, but yet she was bold enough to come find him. Smoothly, he stepped sideways and held the door open with an outstretched arm. Sakura darted in under his arm and stopped just inside the doorway to take off her shoes.

"I'm sorry. I'm getting your floor all wet." She looked at her feet as the water dripped from the clumped ends of her pink hair.

"Don't worry about that," he said simply and shut the door. He strolled into his small kitchen area and leaned on the counter to look at her. Tired and a little groggy, Kakashi wasn't sure it was the best time for visitors. He was never much of a morning person, and definitely not a stay-up-all night person to boot.

"It's cold out," she mumbled, rubbing her wet hands on the sides of her thin damp dress, accomplishing nothing.

The fact that she was wearing a dress was an initial shock to Kakashi. Aside from specific missions, he'd never seen her choose that style of clothing. She looked extremely feminine, which was not a bad thing, but still, it was just another change to display how far she was from the same woman just the week before.

As she slipped her shoes off slowly, obviously giving him time to object to her visit, Kakashi let his eyes trace her from head to toe. The blue dress was made of something cottony and light, and it clung to her everywhere. He was quite sure he'd never seen her wear it before.

The loose skirt stuck to her and made it shorter, exposing her smooth wet legs above mid-thigh. The shine of the rain-slicked skin attracted his gaze as it ran from her ankles up; even her shapely arms did not escape his inspection.

When he reached her tightened, obvious breasts, he had more trouble looking up; but when he managed to, he found her watching him as well. The moment became just hinted with awkwardness.

Kakashi felt the immediate tension he'd created by forgetting himself and behaving like a man. But to have her show up at his door, dripping wet in something almost see-through, he felt he could forgive himself. It worried him more that her look was not exactly one of being appalled or shocked by his inability to keep his eyes to himself.

"I'll...uh...get you a towel," Kakashi mumbled, breaking the momentary lapse in his manners.

"Thanks," she said gratefully.

Kakashi wandered to his small bathroom, stark white and covered in tile. He grabbed the biggest towel he had that wasn't frayed and brought it out to give to her. Instead of finding her at the door, she was already wandering toward him through the kitchen area of his small bachelor apartment.

When she was almost toe-to-toe with him, he flipped the towel over her shoulders and rubbed a little.

She thanked him with a shy whisper, then proceeded to rub the ends of her hair, obviously not uncomfortable with the situation or how close they were.

Kakashi took a deep breath and tried to move away from her without seeming to run. Putting a little space between them suddenly felt like the right idea. She was moving too closely, moving with some intention, looking at him a little differently.

"How did you know I was at the door?" she said to his slowly retreating form.

"I could smell your shampoo," he said matter-of-factly.

For some reason, the idea made her laugh softly. "I was across the street when you ran inside. How could you possibly smell my shampoo from over there?" she asked curiously. "And...how did you know it was _my _shampoo?"

Kakashi flicked on his kettle as he neared his kitchen counter and tugged down his mask. "You've almost always used that shampoo."

"I was across the street," she reiterated with exaggeration.

"I have a heightened sense of smell. A family trait. I knew it was yours, just like I know you used lavender soap and chamomile moisturizer today."

"That's like a parlour trick," she laughed softly and then said quietly, "What else can you tell about me right now?"

Kakashi thought on it for a minute and decided it would be better to remain silent than to start that conversation. Something was different from the last time he saw her.

"Never mind. I have some other questions for you anyway." Her voice was soft and low. She slid the edge of the towel into the top of her dress to dry under her thick straps and then just along the edging above her breasts, exposing skin here and there.

Again, it was difficult to keep his eyes where they should be. When she rubbed the towel up her thigh, he had to turn away and pretend to get something from the cupboard; luckily, the sugar was there so it looked natural. In the back of his mind, he wondered if she understood what she was doing.

"Questions?" he asked to the sugar bowl.

The rain pattered on the roof and the room was dark around them. He hesitated to turn on the light, worried that it would hurt his eyes as his head was heavy and throbbing from lack of sleep. He worried that what was under the dress would be all too visible and he would make things awkward, or worse since she seemed determined to be taking a new course with him.

She was missing all the memories that pertained to her life as a medic and a ninja. He was part of what was missing and it would be wrong to let them slip into a situation the Sakura from a week ago would be angry about.

"Yes. Can we sit down?" she said as she wandered toward him.

Kakashi glanced over at his small couch across from the fireplace with his neatly made bed just beyond that. He'd never had a problem with set up of his apartment before that moment as he caught her looking at the bed as well.

"Have a seat on the couch. Do you want some tea?" Kakashi smiled cheerfully and tried to break the mood with his stock grin. "There's a blanket in the small closet near the bathroom." He flicked on the kitchen light, turning away from her at the same moment.

"I...I won't stay long so I'll pass on the tea. I will take a blanket though," she said quietly as she approached the half-size door near the open bathroom door.

Kakashi glanced back at her and flicked off the kettle. He didn't want tea either, but it was decent distraction at the right moment. She had questions for him and he somehow knew where she was going to start.

He took a deep breath and wandered over to the couch where she now sat, wrapped up around the shoulders with a woolen blanket – one he normally used for overnight missions in the forest.

* * *

Sakura was worried that she'd come to his apartment too early, and wavered on whether to go to the door or not. But when he trotted in as she stood there, it seemed like fate that she should be there with all the questions swirling around in her head.

Another sleepless night had her turning and tossing among her soft sheets, playing out a conversation she wanted to have with him. A whole day had gone by and she hadn't heard a whisper from him. That alone was enough to have her at his door.

Tsunade had said she was getting very attached to Kakashi; it seemed she was quite right. Funny enough, it felt normal and comfortable that she should want to be around the person who rescued her. It didn't seem strange at all to her – just to everyone else for some reason that they would not explain.

Unfortunately, the rain had gotten her just moments from being within sight of his apartment steps. There was no shop overhang or covered place she could duck into and so sadly she arrived at his apartment soaked through to the skin.

He'd opened the door without her having to knock, which made Sakura feel even more like it was all right to be there.

But as she stood dripping wet on his shiny wood floor, she could feel his eyes on her. She'd chosen a light dress and when the rain started, she regretted it. Now she wasn't so sure it was a bad choice. She needed to know why she would feel like that about him. Was there something between them? Was it one-sided. That feeling seemed to stay with her so her heart pounded when she saw him.

Everything he said after he found her on his doorstep was short and curt, making her suddenly nervous. Naruto said Kakashi lived alone and as far as he knew, there was no one in his life that would be considered romantic, although Kakashi's sudden aloofness made her feel like she'd intruded.

But when she caught him looking at her, everything changed. She wasn't just some girl he saved in a cold Abbey in the Cloud Country. She was a woman standing in his home wearing less than she should be and worthy of a glance. She loved that he looked. It gave her vision some validity.

She'd grabbed a blanket on his direction because she knew he was trying hard not to look at the shadow of her breasts under the damp material and the outline of her panties she was sure were visible.

"Are you warm enough?" he asked, seemingly a little more comfortable with her covered state.

Sakura nodded, and waited for him to sit down beside her, which he did. She tucked her feet up and wrapped the blanket around her legs while trying to decide where to start.

Kakashi rubbed at his chin, scratching one spot and sighing as he stared at the unlit fireplace. Then he yawned.

"I'm sorry to show up like this. I didn't sleep last night again..."

"You aren't sleeping?" Kakashi asked, his brow creased slightly just visible under his headband. As he spoke, he unzipped his vest and worked his gloves off his hands. He adjusted himself to get a little more comfortable and then rubbed his jawline again.

"Not really. It's not restful when I do fall asleep. I'm sure it'll improve in time. But...this isn't why I'm here. I actually expected you to drop by yesterday but when you didn't..." Sakura had trouble telling him that she was worried. She couldn't say that the idea that he was out on a "mission" frightened her.

Naruto had assured her that if anyone could pull off any mission, it was Kakashi, but even so, she worried. Seeing him darting to his door in the rain was a relief.

"I had a late mission and I just got home a few moments before you arrived," he said evenly. "What did you need to talk to me about?"

"Yes...um...I guess what I'm trying to ask is more personal than the things we've talked about before. I was actually wondering if I could ask you some questions about us?" she finally managed to say.

"What do you mean by us?" Kakashi's eye was wider than normal, but he was staying quite composed as he showed signs that he understood where she was going with the questions.

"Why do you show me your face when you don't show others? Naruto said he'd never seen your face before." Sakura tightened the blanket around her shoulders and shivered a little. She felt sleepy and lethargic now that she was warming up.

Kakashi slipped his vest off and then sat back. For the third time, he rubbed his chin and let a the seconds draw out. "We were on a mission about eighteen months ago. I was hurt and you healed me. It was a bad mission. The kind where everything goes wrong and you wish you could wipe it from..." He paused again, realizing what he was saying. "My throat was injured and you had to remove my mask to heal it. It was an understanding after that."

"Oh, I see," she mumbled. Unfortunately, she didn't have any ninja ability to hide the disappointment in her tone. "Why...do you know how I like my tea?"

"Naruto knows how you like your tea. Sasuke knows too. You drink that often."

Sakura stood up from the couch and felt the cold floor acutely, but she wandered a little around the room while she spoke, beginning to feel foolishly that she'd perhaps invented a deeper relationship between them out of sheer desperation to hang onto him. She ran her finger over the row of orange books on the bookshelf, taking slow steps and finding it harder to look at him.

"So... what made you choose the red mug the other night from the cupboard?" she asked a little more timidly now, but tried hard to make it random and casual.

"Did I? I suppose it was the first one I saw when I opened the cupboard."

Suddenly Sakura had the urge to apologize for her imagination, but she didn't know how to begin. If he grew angry with the silly questions, perhaps he would become cooler than he was being already. She was frightened, but needed one more answer...

"Why was it you who saved me?" she whispered as she turned from where she ran a finger along his mantle to look at him. His eyes were cast on the floor and he didn't immediately answer. It was obvious he was thinking. None of his answers had been quick which kept the idea that he was contemplating each one to be sure it was what he wanted her to know.

This pause seemed to last.

Finally, he looked up at her and said evenly, "Tsunade assigned a squad to find you of which I was selected. One of my primary abilities is tracking. She's very close to you so she hand chose the squad." With that answer, Kakashi stood up and walked back into the kitchen.

"I...see," Sakura said quietly, knowing he would hear her anyway. Taking a few quick steps, she was also in the kitchen when she felt her face turn red. "I'm sorry. You seem tired and I've come so early. I guess I'm tired as well. I'm going to go home."

Kakashi leaned back on the kitchen counter, crossing his ankles casually and crossing his arms as well. "It's all right. I had a long night and I'm tired but you don't have to rush away if you still have some questions."

Sakura stopped at the door, letting the blanket slide off her before she laid it over the back of a kitchen chair along with the towel she had underneath. Immediately she shivered from the cold and regretted wearing the dress even more. It wasn't as wet but was damp enough to chill her to her bones. "N...no...more questions. I'm so sorry... I have to go now." She turned and quickly opened the door, staring out at the rain for a moment before slipping her shoes on to leave.

"Take the blanket at least," he added from his lean on the kitchen counter.

Sakura turned back to look at him for a moment and she smiled a little, trying to make the mood between them seem less heavy. "Come and see me again soon?"

Kakashi smiled easily, though not very happily. "Of course."

"Well, bye then," she said before stepping out into the rain and pulling the door closed behind her.

For at least a minute, she stood there on his apartment steps and tilted her head back to feel the chill of the rain on her face. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath trying to make sense of it all.

Her chest hurt her like they'd just broken up. The feelings she experienced were surely real and it seemed he was hiding something too. Maybe it was one-sided, but it was still there holding onto her like a vice. Was it all right to feel that way about him when her world was so confusing?

Well, no matter what the outcome, she needed to make sense of why, for some reason...

...he'd lied to her.

* * *

Kakashi watched her stand in his doorway, the light from outside making her dress sheer enough to display the curves of her legs and hips. It was all he could do to keep eye contact. But her demeanor and sudden need to leave told him he'd slipped up.

When she'd shut the door he could still sense her there, standing on his doorstep in the light rain.

For a moment, he believed she might come back in and confront him, but she didn't. She darted off his steps and out into the rainy streets toward her apartment.

He'd had half a mind to follow her but it wouldn't do either of them any favours. She needed to get her memories back, and he needed to keep himself in a professional position with her.

Tsunade was right. Sakura was overly attached to him – more than attached, he'd say now. He could tell in the way she breathed a little heavier when she caught his uncooperative gaze or her radiation of disappointment when he explained how she'd seen his face.

He couldn't make any more mistakes with her.

He would just have to hope that her memories would resurface and things would go back to normal – as unappealing as that might be.

* * *

Sorry for the delay. Unavoidable life things for a few weeks. I'm happy to be at this point as I can get going with things. More soon.


	4. The Rainy Season

Chapter 4 – The Rainy Season

For Fatpuppy and 3Jane.

* * *

Sakura...keep your eyes closed," Naruto scolded.

Sakura's one cracked eye shut tight, and she continued to try and breathe slowly and feel the non-existent chakra coursing through her empty highway. Finally, her shoulders slumped and she opened her eyes to find Naruto grinning with his eyes still shut, sitting cross-legged across from her in the small grassy clearing.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. I think my nose is burnt," Sakura grumbled as she stretched out her legs to get some blood flowing to her extremities. "I appreciate that you want to keep trying, but nothing is happening."

With a sigh, Naruto stretched his legs out also and lay back on the grass. He laced his fingers behind his head and closed his eyes. His nose was burnt too.

Sakura pushed herself onto her knees and crawled over to lie beside him, enjoying the feel of the warm grass under her bare legs and the slow drift of the fluffy white clouds above them. The sun was perfectly warm on her arms and face, and she felt a little sleepy in her contentment. Finally a moment she didn't feel anything about anything.

"It's all right. I don't like sitting still for that long either. It's obviously not working," Naruto grumbled. "I'll have to think of something else."

Sakura breathed out a quiet laugh. "This is fine. We could just come out here and do this. I really just enjoy spending time with you. I don't feel like I'm expected to be someone else."

Naruto turned on his side, propping his head up on his bent arm. "No one expects you to be anything but who you are. If that's someone who has no chakra and wears short dresses, so be it. I'm not complaining."

"What about the dresses?" Sakura laughed out again.

"You just never wore them unless you were on a mission before. I like it. I think they suit you."

"Thanks," she sighed. "I guess it will all be trial and error from now on. I have to fit into my life somehow, I suppose."

"I don't think that's true. I think your life has to fit who you are. Work it around yourself and do what you want to do. We only get one chance at it, so life should be fun, right?" Naruto laid back down and stretched, then slid his hand over to find Sakura's, lacing his fingers into hers. "Please yourself."

Sakura squeezed his hand tightly. "We've been close for a long time, haven't we Naruto?"

"Yeah," Naruto whispered softly "We've been through a lot together over the years, you and I."

Sakura rolled over and put her head on Naruto's shoulder, keeping their fingers laced. "Somehow I always knew that."

* * *

The day had gone by long and slow and it rained on and off in the afternoon after a brilliantly sunny morning. Sakura spent some part of the day searching her apartment more, and at one point tried on a silk kimono that had a rip in the shoulder. When she slid her fingers inside it, she found that small jagged scar directly underneath. It looked positively priceless and she'd put a hole in it. The black silk and golden flowers were embroidered so carefully...

Who on earth was she to have such a thing?

She knew what sort of foods she enjoyed, her favorite colours, and what scent of flower she liked. She knew that she was frightened by Sasuke, and that she had a special bond with Naruto. It seemed she had a sense about them, who she was close to and who she wasn't. Perhaps it was something residual, something retained like a feeling that she just couldn't put into a memory.

But sadly, in all that she understood and didn't, Kakashi was starting to become a mystery. The person she wanted to be around most was least available to her. And for all the time he'd spent with her, she couldn't figure out his relationship to her except for those feelings she had. It felt like more than friendship. People had said what he was to her with words like friend, colleague, teacher, but she couldn't help thinking it was more than that and he was hiding something.

And his lie. It was truly unnecessary, but he did it. He said Tsunade had handpicked them, but Tsunade had told her it was Kakashi who rounded up a squad to go after the ANBU failed to find her. It was pointless to lie about it, but he had.

Maybe it was a little wishful to think he might show up after the other morning's exchanges in his living room. The awkwardness was apparent to both of them, but she needed to know for herself and so she asked.

"Please yourself," Naruto had said. It made so much sense. She could only find happiness and contentment in her life if she got to choose how to spend it. Being someone strangers expected her to be wasn't worth wasting precious time on. Who were any of them to her now? She didn't really owe anyone anything.

And the mug. It could have been no one else to have been holding it in that memory but Kakashi. Whether it was or really wasn't, that is what she had set her mind to believe. The vision of his bare chest and maskless throat was clear enough as she laid her fingers there and created some sort of energy to stitch him back together. His eyes were staring up at her – one black and one red. They stared right into her...

She couldn't get the picture of him out of her head. It was important for some reason, and she could feel all the strong emotions that went along with it. She could feel how much she cared for him, intimately, desperately. From his gaze, she believed that he felt it too.

The drizzle had stopped within the last hour as evening came, but it was still quite cool outside. The large window at the back of Sakura's apartment slid up with little effort and she stuck her head out to smell the rain and breath in the freshness of the coming night air. Maybe it would clear her head enough for her to get some sleep for a change.

The streets were dark, and the streetlamps shone in the rain puddles on a the walkways and roads. The view from the back of her apartment was meager – an apartment on the next street and a courtyard strewn with weeds and thistles. But something caught her attention as she leaned forward to look down along the row of apartments next to hers.

A ladder clung to the wall next to the window, metal and sturdy, a few raindrops still clinging to the rungs. Sakura leaned out farther, tugging the warm blanket she'd pulled from the hallway closet tighter around her, and looked up. It appeared to lead to the roof.

Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained, she thought to herself.

As she slipped out and climbed the ladder, tossing the blanket over her shoulder so that she'd have warmth when she got up there, Sakura took each rung carefully so she wouldn't slip. When she reached the top, she found a small sunken rooftop with a ledge all around it. The heating unit sat near the ladder, metallic and shiny. Vents rose up from a couple of places and she could feel the roughness of the tar under her shoes. Small cracks and crunches sounded with each step.

When she reached the front area of her building, she found something interesting, to say the least. There were two lawnchairs, wooden, and made for relaxing. A small glass table sat between them with a half-burned candle on top. She liked the idea of sitting up there and looking at the stars.

It was so quiet out and so Sakura leaned heavily on the ledge and looked at the empty streets and the massive wall beyond. She scanned the five faces of the monument which were illuminated by large lights, and found she still could not get used to the idea that men and women, even some children could walk up the walls and jump over the rooftops. However, each day, it was getting a little easier to ignore.

It wasn't long after she had leant over to stare out into the quiet village that she found it too cold to stay there, painfully shivering in the damp air. But when she turned to leave, she was shocked to find a pair of legs directly next to her.

The site of his sudden appearance made her let out a breathy scream and she lurched back, tripping over the small table between the chairs. Her hands clumsily reached out to try and break her fall, fully expecting to put her hand through the glass tabletop, but a pair of strong hands slipped around her waist to raise her back onto her feet instead.

How had he managed to be right there without her knowing?

"Y...you... really scared me," she laughed awkwardly, holding her chest.

Sasuke nodded a little and backed up to the ledge. "I forgot that you wouldn't be able to sense me there."

He stood quietly, staring out into the village instead of looking at her. His light shirt, white with a tiny red and blue fan on the collar, blew gently away from his chest as the breeze seemed to sneak inside it.

For a moment, Sakura didn't know what to say. Never in her imagination would she have guessed a visitor to her roof would be this man.

"How...did you know I was up here?" Sakura asked as her heart slowed down.

"I was passing by and saw you," he said evenly, and finally looked at her properly.

Sakura pulled the blanket around herself a little tighter. Her eyes flicked to the chairs and the candle, then back to Sasuke, who, without her realizing he moved, was back up on the ledge.

"Is Naruto with you?" she asked, knowing he wasn't but not really knowing what else to say. Discomfort, she was sure, was probably radiating from her.

"No. I'm heading over to his apartment now."

"Well, I won't keep you if he's expecting you," she said while taking a step around the chairs and glancing down to watch where she was going this time.

"I make you nervous," Sasuke remarked quietly.

Sakura turned around to look up at him, but he was gone. She shuffled back slightly to bump into something behind her. "Oh..." She froze on the spot.

"I'm not trying to frighten you. I just saw you here and wanted to know how you were. I'm just not very comfortable with..." Sasuke mumbled from behind her. "You don't need to be afraid of me."

Sakura turned to look up to him. He seemed to lack normal human emotion, lack the comfort that people had around each other. Naruto had offhandedly said that Sasuke had a hard life one morning while they talked about life in Konoha. Perhaps being born to these sorts of lifestyles and abilities were just a prerequisite for having a hard life. Naruto had also had a hard life, but he seemed to sluff it off like dust on a sleeve.

"You and Naruto are close?" she asked softly, trying hard not to move away from him.

"Who knows," Sasuke mumbled.

A silence stretched out as Sakura regarded Sasuke, and he seemed to have trouble locking with her eyes now. Humanity was in there somewhere, behind the dark and stoic facade she had only encountered up to now.

"Sasuke...since you're here, can I ask you a question?" Sakura finally had the courage to be more forward with him, seeing his lack of comfort matched hers.

Sasuke's eyes met hers and he nodded. She shivered a little and pulled the blanket even tighter. "Would you like to come down for a minute? It's pretty cold out tonight."

Sasuke nodded again, and lifted a hand toward the metal loops of the ladder handrails at the far end of the roof. Sakura wandered toward it and turned to climb down. It was still slick with raindrops so she went slowly. Sasuke stood at the top as she descended, and when she crawled through her window and stood upon her floor, he was already in the room.

"Damn, don't do that," she hissed with a laugh, tightening her grip on her blanket until her knuckles were white. She would never comprehend how it all worked, she thought as she shut the window.

"Tea?" Sasuke asked flatly as he wandered to the kitchen and flicked on her electric kettle. "It'll help warm you." The kettle flared to life, hissing and bubbling promptly as she had already used it only half an hour before. Without waiting for her answer, Sasuke pulled two mugs from her cupboard with no hesitation or confusion of where they might be.

Sakura froze to see him pull out a black one with diamonds, and the only red one.

"You wanted to ask me something?" Sasuke asked without looking up. Instead he went about taking out the tea bags, sugar, and milk. With a light slam of a drawer, he dropped a spoon into the black mug.

"Y...yes." She had trouble focusing as she stared at the red porcelain. "Um..."

Sasuke sat down at her kitchen table and motioned again with a movement of his hand that she should join him.

"I wanted to know who I am...was...in your eyes," she said quietly as she sat down and put the blanket on another chair.

The room went silent but for the gurgling of the hot water.

Sakura felt instantly self-conscious. "What I mean is..."

"I know what you mean," Sasuke interjected carefully. "I just don't know if I'm the best person to answer that."

"Why not?"

He got up and poured the hot water into the black mug, hesitating over the red. Instead he steeped the tea bag in one, tossed it in the garbage and put in milk and sugar. "I don't know you as well as I should. We were teammates for a while, but not very long. I left the village for a long time and then I had some mixed feelings about coming back. I've been back for a couple of years but you and I have gone our own ways. We were really just children back then."

Sakura sensed that there was quite a bit more to that story. Sasuke didn't seem the type to feel discomfort due to anyone else so the+ hesitation in his words struck her. It was almost emotional – something he previously seemed to lack. He surprised her.

"I see. Well, is there _anything_ you can tell me?"

"Your medical skills are top ranked and your chakra manipulation is...was perfect. You're the only person I've ever seen like that." He smirked a little as he sat back down and slid her tea to her, omitting one for himself. "When we were children, you were quite concerned about your hair and clothes."

"You should see my closet," she mumbled, taking a sip of tea. He had made it exactly how she liked it.

"I have," he said absently, making Sakura's eyes widen. "I'm sorry. I really should go now. Naruto is expecting me."

With a sigh, she nodded and slid up from her chair to walk Sasuke to her door. She ushered him with a hand on his arm and he looked down at it and the corner of his mouth rose slightly.

"I guess I'm not feeling as nervous around you." She smiled a little. "I appreciate the information."

"Try asking Naruto. You and he are probably closest. Ino will give you insight into your personal life." Sasuke opened the door and took a step to leave but stopped. "Ask Kakashi about missions and things, particularly this last year. You had quite a few missions with him for a while there and did some extra training, I believe."

"I have had quite a few talks with Naruto but as for the rest, I will," she said quietly. "Can I ask you one more thing?"

Sasuke waited, not replying.

"Why did you choose the red mug?"

He looked out the door and then back at Sakura. "Because it's mine."

Then with a curt nod, he left.

* * *

Another day passed, and then another. In that time, Naruto had come by each day to drag her to the ramen shop, to the hospital for tests and training, or just for company.

Sasuke nor Kakashi had come by again in the last two days, even though she was there as much as possible. Her rooftop retreat had not produced another visitor and once she'd actually fallen asleep there.

A new person, a blond woman named Ino, had come by to take her to the hospital to see Tsunade, but first they were to go to a small house on the other side of the village where Sakura's parents lived. Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi had all mentioned Ino so she wasn't quite a big surprise when she turned up. So many of Sakura's pictures had Ino in them that it was just a personality that she needed to put to the name.

When they met, Sakura worked hard to brush aside any discomfort of being with someone new. If she was going to get on with her life, she had to find out who she was.

Ino seemed nice enough. She had perfect blond hair and the most exceptional blue eyes Sakura had ever seen. She dressed in dark shorts under a small skirt, leg guards and mesh here and there. It didn't seem very comfortable to Sakura, who was favoring dresses lately, but it looked sort of cool.

But all free thought and questions she wanted to ask her latest companion ceased on the steps of the Haruno's house.

Her mother, a small woman with hair the same colour as Sakura's, cried the entire time she was there. Haruno Sio whimpered into her coffee and chanted over and over that Sakura should never have become a shinobi, rocking back and forth with her sadness. As she was a tiny housewife, Sakura imagined her mother couldn't understand what it was like to choose a more adventurous way of life – not that Sakura understood anymore herself.

Sadly, she couldn't muster any sort of sympathy for the woman. All she could do was look awkwardly at the trinkets on the shelves and the pattern on the floor-tiles.

Her father, Haruno Yuuto, was tall and round in the face. He had a small mouth and the same green eyes as Sakura. He owned a prosperous men's clothing shop where he worked as a tailor. It seemed by their house that they lived comfortably and were fairly well off.

They were pleasant people, but Sakura found that she couldn't hug her mother back as she ought to have.

She was allowed to go into her bedroom, which they said was kept up almost exactly as when she was younger. A fleeting hope that it might spark a memory entered Sakura's mind, but when she sat on her pink bedspread and looked at the butterfly stickers on her dressing table mirror, she felt nothing but a small relief to be out of the Haruno's company for a moment.

It had been a difficult meeting, to say the least, so Sakura was relieved when she came outside to find Ino still leaning against the brick of the small house, catching the attention of a pair of young men across the street.

"Pests," Ino grumbled. "So how'd it go?" she added with a flick of her blond hair and a bright smile for Sakura.

"Weird and uncomfortable," Sakura managed as she shook her head and began a slow trek down the street. Ino moved right along with her.

"Sounds about right," Ino laughed. "But it's better for them to see you're all right with their own eyes. I hear they've been calling Tsunade everyday, twice sometimes. Don't worry about it. It'll get easier."

"I just feel so distant from everything. Everyone is a stranger. Everything is an unknown. People say hello to me and I have no idea who they are." Sakura stopped walking and plopped down on a bench near a small park, rubbing her head and staring at the dusty sidewalk beneath her feet. "I can't be a daughter to strangers..."

Ino slid onto the bench next to her and sighed. "I can't imagine how hard it is. We're all trying to be here for you but I suppose it doesn't help that you don't know all the history with our friendships."

"I don't want to go see those people again. I don't want to sit in anyone's kitchen and have to force myself to be pleasant. I don't want to have to start a job I probably can't do. And I don't want to pretend I don't feel things that I do. I just want my life to start."

Ino's brow creased a little. "It sounds to me like you're overwhelmed or frustrated or maybe just plain pissed off. You don't owe anyone anything."

Sakura nodded a little and rubbed her forehead again. Her head was aching and she felt out of place in her own skin.

With a tug of her arm, Ino pulled Sakura off the bench and pointed at her chest. "Let me tell you something about yourself, Sakura. You aren't the type of person to tiptoe around anyone. If you don't want to do something, then damn well don't do it. You're more like me than a Hyuuga Hinata, babe."

Sakura laughed feebly. "A Hyuuga Hinata?" She liked Ino's brash style. But she supposed when you looked like that, you probably always got your way. It seemed that her personality supported her looks in that right as well. But her words made sense.

"A sweet little wallflower who loves Naruto." A wide smile crossed Ino's lips and she winked. "Listen, I'll take the shit from Tsunade. Let's blow off your appointment and work, and we'll start making your new memories. I'd kill for some dango."

Sakura smiled back slightly, though not very happily. "Thanks, Ino. I've actually got some questions for you anyway about who you might have seen me with and my attachments before. Sasuke said you could tell me things about my personal life."

"Well, I've got answers," Ino laughed as she looped arms with Sakura and tugged her along. "Fire away."

* * *

Night was coming quickly as the warm afternoon sky opened up some red streaks through the spotted gray clouds. It hadn't rained, but threatened once or twice with some distant thunder. Sakura wondered if the sky was mimicking her with it's dark times everyday. It looked like rain, but once in a while some light would shine through and make it warm and comfortable. The weather had been so unpredictable, but the rainy season was upon them and it could change within an hour.

The day with Ino was pleasant enough as they wandered some of the shops she said were Sakura's favorites, although she was worn out from everything. They stopped in a tea house that was beautifully decorated with painted panels and shoji screens. The waitresses wore beautifully embroidered yukata and kimono, and they conducted tea ceremonies if asked.

The last stop they made was a chocolate shop where Sakura only chose a red lolipop from a tall glass jar. Ino picked a bag of chocolates out for a man named Shikamaru. _Just names_, Sakura thought to herself as she let it slip out of her mind as quickly as it went in.

She'd asked Ino about her intimate relationships. Deep and personal conversations were probably not an appropriate topic for a first meeting with someone, but the discomfort only seemed to be on Sakura's end. Ino was happy to provide information to her, but it wasn't exactly what she wanted.

On the topic of Sasuke, Ino laughed when she said there had been a rivalry between them for his pre-teen love, then he disappeared, then he was back - and not so much as someone either of them wanted. He was cold, uncaring and only seemed to connect with Naruto on a more personal level.

On the topic of Naruto, Ino admitted that Sakura was extremely close with him. This was no surprise to Sakura as she felt their unfettering connection almost right away. It was never sexual but was as close as possible.

When Sakura brought up the topic of Kakashi, Ino creased her brow. She said she was almost confused about their relationship as it seemed to teeter between ambiguous and down right needy. Ino couldn't explain properly, but offered that she had seen Sakura with him a number of times in different locales. Often they would spar and train, sometimes they would be at a coffee shop talking quietly and intimately, and then sometimes they would completely ignore one another.

It was just more confusion to add to Sakura's already growing repertoire of Kakashi puzzle pieces.

Ino did remark, to Sakura's dismay, that it had seemed that they had experienced a falling out of some sort right before Sakura's fateful mission. Ino'd actually seen Sakura smack Kakashi's hand off her arm and that was that. For Kakashi to chase off after her made Ino speculate about secret romances and dirty sexual escapades.

Sadly, Sakura was not sure if there was anything at all to that story. Perhaps Kakashi had just said something that angered her. By some things that Naruto had said, Sakura was a bit of a hothead and didn't like to be told what to do.

But in the end, Ino also remarked that Sakura usually told her everything so it was probably not likely that her relationship was anything more than pseudo professional friendship with Kakashi – as disappointed as Ino sounded at the loss of intrigue and Sakura subsequently felt.

Now as the night fell, Sakura wandered toward Kakashi's apartment, determined to find out why he was not coming to see her anymore. She'd been more than patient as three nights had gone by since that morning she interrogated him...and he'd lied to her.

Of course, when she knocked, no one answered. So for an hour, she sat on the bench across the street in front of a small, shabby breakfast restaurant. The bench was dirty so she perched on the back of it and placed her feet on the seat. She sat with her legs open, her skirt shoved down between them, and her back resting on the brick wall of the closed restaurant. It probably wasn't very ladylike but she didn't care; it was comfortable and that was all that mattered.

It was almost ten when she pulled out the lone red sucker from the pocket hidden in her dress folds.

A few moments after that, a familiar lazy outline sauntered along the lamp-lit street at a relaxed pace. Kakashi's steps slowed and he stopped a few feet away from her where she relaxed on the bench back. Unfortunately for him, he couldn't seem to keep his gaze from moving from her ankles up her legs and finally resting on the small stick between her red lips, and she could easily tell.

"Tsunade's been looking for you, you know," he said almost sternly, but couldn't seem to manage the right tone.

"Here I am," she said evenly, pulling the sucker out and licking the sticky sweetness from her bottom red-stained lip.

"She expected you for work today," he continued in the same tone. His eye met hers, then flicked to her mouth again, resting there for a moment as she licked them.

"I know. I went to see the Harunos today and I didn't feel like doing anything else after," Sakura said quietly as she stood up and hopped down from the bench to stand a few feet from him.

"The Harunos... Your parents," Kakashi scolded. "I figured you'd be seeing them soon." His tone softened a little. "How did it go?"

"Weird."

"I suppose it would be."

"Aren't you going to ask me why I'm here?" Sakura added.

"I'm quite sure I know," Kakashi said quietly, then turned to walk toward his apartment.

"So why then?" She trotted after him, finally grabbing his arm to stop him at his steps. "It's been four days."

"I've been busy with missions. Just got back from one now, actually." Kakashi took the steps up to his door and Sakura stood at the bottom hesitantly. She was feeling the frustration building in her chest, expanding like a balloon. His coolness was still all in tact from their previous meeting.

With a click, Kakashi's door was unlocked and he swung it open. He went to take a step inside and turned a little. "Aren't you coming?"

Sakura popped the sucker back in her mouth, tilting her head a little to regard him standing there trying to keep eye contact with her. Then his gaze was at her mouth again.

She nodded and slowly plodded up the steps and past him into his dark apartment. Silently he followed and went directly to his kitchen counter, flicking on his tea kettle. Sakura, however, kicked off her shoes, tossed the remnants of her sucker in the garbage, and went to his sofa, tucking her legs up under her as she sat down. The unlit fireplace caught her vacant stare as she ran all the things she wanted to say through her mind. But finally being in the same room with Kakashi, she couldn't bring herself to berate, or even question him.

"Can I get you some tea?" he asked casually from his kitchen where he fumbled around, clinking glasses and utensils.

"Do you have anything a little stronger?" she asked timidly. "I'm twenty-one, right?"

"Uh...yeah," Kakashi mumbled loudly, "I've got some wine... sake..."

"Wine." Sakura glanced up at him, tearing her gaze away from the fireplace, and noticed he was uncorking a bottle which had imprints of his fingers in the dust it was half-covered with. He pulled a water glass out of the cupboard and filled it three quarters of the way up.

"Hope you like red," he said as he came over and handed her the glass.

Sakura laughed a little into it as she went to take the first sip. "I do, but I guess that you don't drink much of it yourself."

"Never," he said, pulling down his mask . "Tell me how it went with your parents," he added, plopping down on the other side of the couch and sliding into a lazy recline.

Sakura cradled the glass against her chest, and laid her cheek on the back of the sofa to gaze at him. He'd pulled his headband off and was rubbing at his strange red eye. She hadn't quite worked up the courage to ask him about it yet.

"They were...nice people. Sio cried a lot, and Yuuto was pretty much silent. I felt bad for them, but..."

"But you don't know them," Kakashi finished.

"I don't know anyone," she said softly, looking away from him when his eyes flicked to hers. Slowly and deliberately, she ran her finger around the top of the glass, watching the sway of the ruby liquid as it slid idly down the sides like oil. The wine was dry and had a hint of vinegar, but she drank another gulp down, and then another.

"You'll get to know them," Kakashi said awkwardly, obviously aware that he was doling out false placation and hope as his words were half-hearted.

Sakura's stomach was warming up and she felt tired. "I missed you."

"I was coming tonight. "

She sighed a little. "I don't even care if that's a lie."

Kakashi paused, but then continued, "But you've been spending time with some of your friends, I hear."

"Yes. They know a lot about me. For instance, I'm pretty superficial...and I'm easily angered. I'm also materialistic but i'm a good ninja and medic." She held out her glass. "Can I have some more?"

Kakashi creased his brow, but took her glass wordlessly and returned to the kitchen.

"Apparently I was also in love with Sasuke at twelve, and I may or may not have had my first sexual experience with Naruto at sixteen. No one was straight with me about that. Oh, and I have this red mug that I was sure was yours and it turns out it's Sasuke's. Why would I have Sasuke's mug at my apartment?" Sakura sighed and rubbed at her head again. Pain was beginning to mass in her temples like it had this morning after visiting her parents.

Kakashi messed around in the kitchen for a moment, then returned to sit back down and hand Sakura another glass full of wine, giving her an mild look. "It's a lot to take in. I'm sure all the answers will come in time."

Taking a deep breath and trying to calm down, Sakura raised the glass and drank half in one go. He was spouting the same words she heard from everyone else and she was tired of them.

"Go easy on that. You aren't a drinker."

Kakashi reached over to take the glass, but Sakura put up her hand and grabbed his wrist. She finished the rest in another large swig and then gave it to him, wiping her mouth with the back of her other hand. "Another?"

"I think you've had enough."

The warmth in her stomach and the lazy feel of her limbs told her she was on the right track to some wonderfully blissful numbness. She'd give it twenty minutes and if she wasn't drunk enough, she'd grab the bottle.

"Did I tell you I remembered a couple of things?" she rambled on, her voice sounding a little deeper and lazier.

"No..." Kakashi replied. "What did you remember?"

"Well, I can't be sure that they are actual memories. Naruto confirmed one, but the other...I wanted to confirm for myself."

Sakura looked at Kakashi's hand on the empty glass, squeezing tightly.

"I'd like to see something...if you'll let me." Sakura got up on her knees, teetering a little from the coming inebriation, but managed to keep herself upright as she crawled across the couch cushion separating them.

"Sakura...I don't think..."

"Shhh. I promise it won't hurt," she said with a little slowness to her words. "Is this all right?" she whispered, drawing close enough for her knees to touch against the side of his thigh. She reached up slowly to tag the folds of his dangling mask and began to pull it down slightly.

Kakashi's body was tense, but he didn't stop her. A slight twitch in his brow meant he was undecided whether he'd let her keep going, but so far, he hadn't tried to end her investigation. It pleased Sakura that he was trusting her so far.

Her other hand went to his shoulder and she sat on her knees beside him, leaning forward, moving closer.

"Sakura..."

"Is it all right...like this?" she whispered, pulling his mask away from his throat and drawing close to look at what she revealed. To her amazement, a small jagged scar, only perhaps an inch long, cut across his throat just below his jaw line.

Extending a finger from the hand holding the mask down, she ghosted a light touch across the tiny scar.

That was when Kakashi finally reacted as his hand raised up and closed around her wrist. "How do you know about that?" he whispered with some controlled urgency.

"I saw it when the pain was ripping through my head. I saw you...lying on a floor somewhere with your shirt and mask off while I leaned over you. You were watching me..." _in such a way..._

"What else did you remember from that day?" he urged.

Sakura met his eyes, creased brow and all, and shook her head. "That was all." She tried to touch the scar again but he held her wrist tightly

"I did this to you," she whispered.

"I would have died if you didn't," Kakashi said quietly, some relief obvious as his grip slackened and he let her go.

Sakura pondered his strange reaction while her own body relaxed. She slipped off her knees to sit directly beside Kakashi, curling against him and putting her head on his shoulder. "Is it all right like this?" she said again quietly, closing her eyes from the way the room was dimming and moving.

"It's all right...if it's just like this," he mumbled.

* * *

Sakura awoke to find the room was completely quiet, but the warmth of a body curled against was unmistakable. Kakashi's soft breaths were slow, and she figured he'd fallen asleep right there next to her. Her head hurt a little more and she could still feel the uneasiness of having a little too much to drink. _Only two decent size glasses, huh,_ she thought to herself. At least she knew her limit now.

She moved slightly, and it made Kakashi shift sleepily as well. His eyes flicked open, bloodshot and lazy, then closed again. An unintelligible mumble escaped him, but she did catch the word 'bed' in there.

Sakura slowly shuffled herself up onto her knees again while trying not to disturb him. Kakashi seemed half-awake, but unwilling to go the extra step to open his eyes as his breathing deepened. Before long, he'd be dead asleep again.

Having suddenly been given complete license due to Kakashi's sleep, Sakura just stared at his face. Some small lines from the sun, or maybe age creased at the corners of his eyes, but only slightly. The silver scar down his eye was straight and so perfect in it's imperfection. His lower lip was a little fuller than his upper, and she thought it looked nice when he spoke or smiled. His nose was straight and unremarkable, and his chin was narrow and strong.

She stared at his mouth, thinking about how his eyes seemed to always go to her lips. Was he thinking about her mouth the same way she was thinking of his right now?

If it wasn't for the alcohol, she'd never have had the courage to do it, but something in the familiarity of her feelings spurred her to try. She was certain of her interest in him and wanted to be more, to be closer than she was now. She needed to be closer to him in any way she could.

Leaning forward carefully while placing a hand on his thigh for balance, she slowly brushed her lips across his jaw line until she reached the corner of his mouth, feeling the rough stubble and breathing in his delicious scent. She actually made a small noise of contentment at being so close to him finally.

His mouth twitched as if to reciprocate and a hand rose to her arm as his eyes opened slightly. He hummed a slightly contented sound as well, but then his eyes shot open.

In a shocking blur, and before Sakura knew what happened, her shoulders were pinned down to the couch with Kakashi straddled her, one foot on the floor; an angry look painted his face. "Don't...!"

Sakura's eyes opened as wide as they could in her condition. Had she been less tipsy, she might have been frightened.

Kakashi's grip loosened when he seemed to realize what he'd done. He let go with one hand and pressed the back of it to his mouth. "Don't...tempt me, Sakura..." he growled. "You can't do this with me."

"Why not?" she whispered.

He made an impatient noise. "You're confused. When your memories come back..." Kakashi shook his head and slipped off her to stand up. "This is my fault. I knew this would happen. You should go home."

"I'll go home if you want me to but...is it really so wrong? Hasn't this happened before?" she asked calmly, finding a new resolve in trying to get something she wanted...wanted more than anything.

"What...?" Kakashi said quietly, rubbing his hand along his jaw tersely, digging his fingers in slightly. "You _do_ have to go home. It's probably the wine, but you can't behave like that with me. When your memories come back ..."

He paused and they just stared at each other for a moment. He was half-turned away from her, having trouble making eye contact. He looked so guilty.

"...you'll hate me for letting you do this. And you'll hate yourself for doing it. Please...just go home tonight."

Silence seemed to stretch out and Sakura found that she was lost for words. Why would she hate herself and him? His will seemed strained, and he appeared to be wracked with conflict.

But without any sort of attempt to change his mind, Sakura turned and walked to the front entrance. Slipping on her shoes and opening the door, she turned back to look at him where he still stood in the middle of the living room. "It's my fault. Blame me," she uttered evenly.

He glanced up and stared at her for a second like he wanted to say something, but rubbed his forehead and looked back down.

Understanding that he needed her to leave, and she needed to think, she slipped out of the door and snapped it shut behind her.

It was the wee hours of the morning and she started toward her apartment, walking slowly and feeling warm from the wine. The cold air gave her goosebumps, but nothing could make her hurry.

She should have felt bad for what happened, but she didn't.

He hadn't denied it; he didn't even try.

* * *

All I can say is thank goodness for spell checker.

No need to review. Thanks and hope you enjoyed it.


	5. Peonies and Incense

Chapter 5 – Peonies and Incense

_For Kimiren and Tsukashi_

* * *

The drizzle continued throughout the morning and Sakura had not slept well. Twisting back and forth over crisp sheets, she dwelt heavily on what happened in that moment where her lips touched his skin.

She wanted the moment back so badly, though knew she'd do the same thing.

As the day wore on she found herself upon the puddle-strewn sidewalks, and wandering under overhangs when she could find them, her red umbrella keeping the rain from her face.

Sakura absently stared at everything but the two men walking in front of her. Water dripped from all the roof slopes and pagodas, and splashed onto her bare ankles, but it didn't quite register. The glossy looking leaves drooped on the trees like fingers of a broken hand, sadly, appropriately.

Sasuke ambled slowly and Naruto periodically turned back to look at Sakura. Their black clothes deepened her sense that things were sometimes futile and unavoidable like death, like mourning.

Other people walked along the sidewalks in the same direction. Murmurs and whispers met her ears as they passed but like the water on her feet, it didn't sink in.

A crowd stood outside the building which lay on the edge of the city, it's tall red walls and tiled roof made it so noticeable among the other meagre and simple buildings around it. No one seemed to rush to go inside.

The dampness around Sakura's hem was suddenly noticeable, and the heavy black cardigan she'd thrown over herself felt like it was smothering her, making her sweat a little.

Her steps slowed.

Naruto turned around again. His blue eyes looked at her feet.

Sakura stared at her black patent shoes as they tapped on the wet sidewalk with each step.

She didn't know how she was going to get through the next hour.

* * *

Because the rain had been incessant, as it commonly was during the rainy season, the memorial was moved from the cenotaph to a place within the village.

Inside the large round building, which Naruto explained was normally used for Chuunin exams, Sakura felt the heat of hundreds of bodies breathing, sitting idle, brushing up against each other. She shrugged off her cardigan, but it didn't help.

A child tugged on her mother's black jacket, and a red sucker was produced from a pocket for her. Sakura watched the slow unwrapping of the candy and how the mother smoothed her hand over the little girl's hair to placate her, to keep her quiet in such a place.

"You okay?" Naruto leaned closer from her left side, mumbling in her ear. "You look a little lost."

"I'm..." Sakura tried to answer, but she couldn't articulate exactly how she was feeling.

Three wooden picture frames sat in a row on a table with a red tablecloth. White flowers and ensuikoh incense on ceramic plates were spaced between them, and the calming sweet scent of patchouli drifted around the room in smoky trails.

Sakura stared at the pictures, wondering which of the men she spoke to last. Did she talk with them, exchange stories, make jokes in the few moments before they died? Did she deserve to live while the youngest man would never hear the anguish in his wife's voice as she sobbed in the row in front?

"Try to hold it together," Sasuke growled, sliding his hand over hers. It was only then that she felt her body trembling, the heated perspiration turning cold on her skin.

Tsunade stood tall and strong at the podium, commanding attention and respect. The men's names were read, their lineage laid out for everyone. Their accomplishments and familiar habits were written on everyone's faces, in their tears and on their lips as they mourned and celebrated their lives with stories and memories.

A bell rang three times, then three times more, and lastly three more times.

"It's a tradition," Naruto whispered. "The bell is rung three times for each spirit so that they will know that their families are with us, they are free of all their burdens, and that it is time to go. It's to help usher them to the next world without their cares and baggage."

Sakura didn't like the idea that a bell could wipe everything from them. She hated that it was simple to eliminate a lifetime with such a small sound.

Finally, the family, some shaken and needing assistance, wandered in a long line to the makeshift shrine, placing fluffy white peonies in a pile in front of their loved one.

Sakura couldn't watch anymore. A sick feeling wrapped around the brick in her stomach and she turned a little in her seat and closed her eyes.

When she opened them again, she looked down the row behind to see Kakashi at the end, his eye fixed upon her as well. His gaze was not sympathetic.

"Watch them, Sakura," Sasuke commanded gently. "It's right for us to find the sorrow difficult. It should be hard to watch."

Sakura felt his words flow almost through her veins and she turned to face the procession.

A woman stumbled a little, held tightly by an older man. Tears dropped from her chin and her hands shook violently.

It was hard to watch, Sakura knew, but she watched, and in her mind, apologized to those three men for her failure. She was weak. It was another thing about herself that she hated.

If only she could cry for them.

* * *

Another room in the building held a reception area, and many of the mourners made their way there for a traditional funeral spread and sake. Although the mood had lightened considerably, strain seemed to be etched on everyone's faces.

Sakura found her throat dry as the woman who sobbed down the row from her approached. Her tear stained face attempted to smile, but she nodded gently and walked to some of her family members. Obviously, everyone knew the circumstances of that day.

A quiet buzz lit the room, but the odd laugh above it seemed awkward and out of place.

Sakura sipped her sake, looking around for Naruto who had went to pay his respects to a family, and Sasuke who had gone for food. She felt lost in a sea of black clothes and forlorn faces. It was all she could do not to leave.

"Excuse me," a man said behind Sakura, almost close enough to have said it in her ear.

Swiftly she spun, taking a step back to bump another person before righting herself and apologizing. "I'm...sorry?" she said, rubbing a tense hand down her dress front to wipe off some drops of the sake.

She didn't recognize him. From his gaunt, pale face, she figured he was a family member, but his smile seemed to be a little too happy. His salt and pepper hair was thin, the lines on his face quite evident so she put him about mid-fifties.

"Sakura, wasn't it?" He leaned closer and she shuffled onto her other foot, leaning away a little more.

"It is. I'm sorry but I don't think I know your name," she mumbled, glancing again for someone she might know. Something about him made her feel ill-at-ease.

"My name is Tsutanai Ito," he smiled. "Don't tell me you don't remember me, today of all days."

"I'm sorry, I don't. Have we met?" she asked, finding it difficult to meet his eyes.

"You hid something of mine on that mission, Sakura, and I'd like to arrange to go and retrieve it." His tone was a little harsher than she expected, especially in a place of mourning.

"I'm sorry but...my head was...m...my memories are not..." Sakura stammered, backing up further still. That a man like this would be in the village never occurred to her. It never crossed her mind that things might be left undone.

"Are they now?" he hissed softly, a strange grin on his face. "It's important that i get my belongings back, Sakura, so maybe we can help each other."

"I don't understand."

"We should go somewhere and talk..." His hand reached out slowly, coming close to closing around Sakura's wrist when another hand clamped down hard on his forearm with a loud smack.

Sakura's eyes snapped over to see Kakashi standing almost between them with his hand firmly planted on Ito. "Ito-san. This is not the place," Kakashi said evenly. "And I'll ask you to keep your hands to yourself."

Ito looked up and instantly his demeanor changed. Sweat beaded his upper lip and brow. "Ah, Hatake-san. I understand that this matter is delicate, but I must get my belongings back."

"Why don't you get a drink and pay your respects to the families. Or perhaps it's time for you to return to your rooms." Kakashi's face held no emotion as opposed to the rough edge to his words.

"Of course, of course," Ito placated and began to back up slightly. Kakashi let his wrist go and almost immediately, the man turned and disappeared into the wash of black clothes that surrounded them.

"Kakashi," Sakura breathed out. Disbelief entered her shocked mind. He was the last person she thought would speak with her today, let alone rescue her from whomever that was.

"If you see him again, go the other way," he said equally as sternly to her as he had to Ito.

Sakura's eyes widened and she felt affronted, almost assaulted by his tone. She looked at his clenched fist at his side. "You're angry with me," she said evenly.

"I'm not...angry with you," he breathed out, calming just a little. He closed his eye and rubbed the area over his eye with tight fingers. "We should probably talk, actually."

"Okay," she answered before he'd even finished the sentence. "You could walk me home."

Kakashi regarded her for a moment, the noise of the crowd swelling between them just a little. " All right. Tell Naruto and Sasuke that you're leaving with me and I'll meet you out front."

Feeling her hands begin to tremble again, Sakura nodded and walked back into the crowd, expectation swelling in her chest.

* * *

The streets were empty except for a person or two running from one door to another through the rain. The splash of their footsteps and the patter of the drops on the roofs were the only things to break the soothing silence. They walked for a while without saying a word and Sakura found it a little uncomfortable, but couldn't bring herself to speak first.

"I wanted to make sure you were all right after...," Kakashi finally said without looking at her. He carried her red umbrella above them as they turned down another street toward her apartment.

"I'm...fine," she said quietly, looking up at his profile. "I'm really glad we have a chance to talk. I'm still unsure of why you're so adamantly against us...but if we talk..."

Kakashi quickly interrupted, "The memorial, I meant. I thought it might be difficult for you because of the circumstances of their deaths. It couldn't have been easy."

"As Sasuke said, it's supposed to be hard. I don't know if it really hit me yet. I couldn't cry," she mumbled, looking at the reflection of them walking together in a coffee shop window.

"I noticed your emotions are largely in check. It's not really like you."

Sakura's apartment building came into view and she felt that something was finishing. She supposed that's why he'd waited so long before finally speaking.

"About last night," she digressed, "I really didn't..."

"Don't worry about it. Everyone does things they regret when they've been drinking. We'll can forget it happened," he said calmly, evenly. Sakura hated that he could keep himself so conserved and cool, his deep voice as smooth as ever.

They reached her doorstep and Kakashi held the umbrella out for her to take, but Sakura stepped up onto the first step and edged in front of him so that they were practically face to face. For a long moment, she tried to hold his gaze, willed him not to step back. Even though they weren't touching, she could feel his presence through every inch of her body.

She leaned forward and softly said, "Regret? I only regret that my attempt to seduce you was so clumsy. I promise it'll be better next time." She put her hand over his on the umbrella handle.

He didn't try to pull his hand away, but it tightened on the handle under hers. His silver eyebrow dipped, displaying his dismay that she hadn't complied with his wish to just forget things.

"Is it such an awful thing?" she asked sincerely, her eyes begging silently for something from him.

"It's impossible. Your memories will come and you'll understand. I can't let you hate us both if I let this become something more. It's just not a good idea," Kakashi's brow creased and she felt the desperate need to pull his mask down to see his face.

"You're so concerned with what _I'll_ think._ I_ really think it's a damn good idea. And you never say how _you_ feel about it. You never denied that something has been there before between us. I can actually still feel it, you know. I can feel that I was in love with you before. Doesn't that make sense to you?"

He slipped his hand out from under hers, dropping it to his side. "No...Sakura." His voice was gentle and a little bit remorseful. "You didn't love me. Your feelings are confused right now. It's only because I was the one who got to you first."

Sakura's brow creased deeply and she bit her lip. He hadn't denied that they'd kissed before, so she figured he couldn't or wouldn't to lie to her, but his denial of her feelings threw her for a loop. He seemed so sure...

"I'm sorry. I have to leave. I have a mission today and I'll be gone for a while – maybe two days," he said evenly, stepping away and turning a little so they didn't face each other anymore. "Some time with your friends... might be a good idea. You should try to rely on _them_ more."

And for the first time since they left the memorial, she was lost for words. He nodded once and then began to walk away.

She should run after him, throw her arms around his middle but she couldn't. It didn't seem right, what he said. How could he say she didn't love him? Couldn't he see it in her face?

She wanted to cry but just wasn't able to do so. Through the whole ordeal, the hospital, the memorial and now his rejection, she hadn't cried. Wouldn't that be what a normal person would do? How could she be so far from what she should be?

She was only just a poor imitation of Haruno Sakura, wasn't she.

No wonder he didn't want her.

* * *

"Hurry up with those charts!" the head nurse shouted back into the office where Sakura poured over test results and patient information. She looked up to see the tall, overly-skinny woman with long dark hair wearing a look on her face like something smelled under her nose.

"_Better to get back into life_," Tsunade had said, but Sakura knew she was only doing what Naruto was doing – just in a different way.

Working in a place she was unfamiliar with, but could apply some knowledge seemed okay at first. But when she saw them healing with self-made energy and doing things she couldn't, Sakura knew she was out of place. She had no chakra. The best she could do to heal someone was put on a band-aid or use a scalpel.

The other downside was that the head nurse seemed to hate her, tossing out caustic and bitter remarks at leisure.

It had been two days of absolute torture from the woman, as well as two days without seeing Kakashi. She couldn't be sure he'd even come back from his mission as she'd stayed away from his apartment. Between his rejection and the nurses humiliation, she didn't think she could feel more miserable.

She couldn't be sure that he'd ever come to see her again and that alone was hard to take. It seemed to sit in her chest like a hole every minute of the day.

Today was the second day that Tsunade had allowed her to actually work, other times letting her do a little training here and there to learn how the departments worked. The smell of the sterile hallways and the medical atmosphere reminded Sakura of those first few days in the hospital. She'd never get used to it. She never wanted to.

"I said hurry up! I understand you're her favorite, but you won't be allowed to slide by on my watch," the head nurse hissed from the doorway.

"They're done," Sakura said quietly, gathering up the brushed silver clipboards, snapping the last one shut loudly. "You can take them."

"Oh, can I?" the nurse said with blatant sarcasm. "How about you get up and take them to the Health Records department. Unless you'd rather just sit around and order everyone else."

With a quiet sigh, Sakura stood up and stacked the clipboards on top of each other. Hoisting them into her arms, she walked past the nurse and out into the hallway.

Sakura stopped for a second to remember where the Records department was and realizing she was going the wrong way, spun around quickly before she was unreasonably scolded. However, the clipboards shifted and began to fall from the stack, reeling to the tiled floor to create a riotous amount of noise.

"Nice job, Haruno," the head nurse said with a large smirk from the office doorway. She leaned casually, crossing her feet at the ankles. "Clean up that mess and get out of my sight."

Dropping to her knees on the cool floor, Sakura let out a long breath and began reaching for the papers that had slipped out of each chart and slid across the floor. She knew it would take her at least another hour to put them back in the right order and in the correct charts. It was all she could do not to just get up and walk out forever.

With a slow balanced stretch forward, Sakura tried to grab the last yellow discharge form from the stray papers when another hand snatched it up and held it out for her.

Relief flooded her when she looked up to see who was there. "Hi," she said, a little less happily than she'd have liked to.

"What's up?" Naruto grinned widely, crouching down to look at Sakura and the pile of disheveled charts in front of her. "Bad day?"

"You could say that," Sakura mumbled.

Naruto grabbed a few charts and stood up as Sakura did the same, making sure all the papers were tucked carefully between the top two.

"I just stopped by for a minute. I have some good news," he lit as he turned and walked down the hallway, making sure she was coming too. "Everyone has a couple of days off. This hasn't happened in months so we _have_ to get together."

"Who's everyone?" Sakura asked, shifting the stack in her arms to balance the weight.

"All nine of us...uh. When we were younger, we all did our first Chunin exam together. There are nine of us including Ino and Sasuke and you. There's Kiba, Hinata, Choji, Shino and Shikamaru as well. We all graduated the academy together. We're sort of a well known group."

"I see," Sakura mumbled, remembering the picture of her twelve year old self among eight other people. A girl with silvery eyes was one that had caught her attention, and a boy with a white puppy.

"We don't see each other enough because everyone is a Jounin now and away on missions. Luckily we're all here in the village and it's a tradition that we get together," Naruto continued with an excited edge to his voice. He was practically jogging along the corridor.

The prospect of sitting around with more strangers wasn't appealing to Sakura, but she didn't have the heart to tell him she'd rather not.

"So you'll come right? We'll all meet for drinks at the pub. I can come and pick you up tonight...around...uh...nineish?"

He looked so thrilled at the idea of everyone being together, and she felt like she'd let him down if she didn't agree to go. So reluctantly, she nodded a little.

"Fantastic!" he practically shouted. "You'll have fun. I promise."

* * *

Genma stood at the burnt out ruins of a room in the old Abbey in the Cloud country. He shivered slightly, hating snow, hating cold and hating that he'd come back to such a forlorn place.

Night was falling and as of yet, Kakashi had not found anything he was hoping to find.

They trudged around the damp floors and creaking beams, praying that the ceiling wouldn't fall in on them anytime soon.

"Hey, Hatake, it's getting late. We've been here for hours," Genma grumbled, rubbing his arms over his green flak-jacket.

"I thought there might be something here we could go on," Kakashi said half to himself.

"Are you talking about the enemy or talking about how to fix her?" Genma drawled.

While he rubbed his chin, Kakashi's red eye scanned everything in the room. He seemed to ignore Genma's question and the tall Jounin wasn't surprised. Sakura had always been a taboo subject. Kakashi never liked to talk about personal things, but they'd known each other long enough for Genma to know when Kakashi wasn't being himself.

"Let me check the room we found Sakura in one more time, and then I'd like to check a few of the out-buildings before we head back. I know we've been gone for almost two days. I'd like to get back before morning as well," Kakashi said absently.

"How is she doing by the way?" Genma continued to prod.

Kakashi seemed to snap out of some inner thoughts to look at Genma with almost a surprised look on his partially exposed face, then went back to his concentrated scan of the room.

"She's...not really herself," Kakashi mumbled evenly. He rubbed his forehead, sighed and added quietly, "But some ways... she's exactly the same."

_That was vague_, Genma thought while he shook his head. Getting personal information from Kakashi was like pulling teeth, but they had all night so he'd try to see what was really up before they managed to make it home.

* * *

The knock came at her door at least fifteen minutes before nine, and Sakura trudged over and opened it. Naruto stood there in a white t-shirt and some loose fitting jeans, grinning like he had a juicy secret. "Ready?" he asked happily.

"Oh, i'm overdressed," she remarked, looking at his attire and then down at her short silken red dress and red high heels.

"Not at all. You look perfect. And don't worry, Ino will be much more dressed up." He sauntered in past her and looked at her kitchen. The cupboards were all shut and the steamer trunk had been repacked and closed. The locked wooden box sat neatly on top of the trunk.

Sakura wandered into her bathroom for a last check of her hair which she had put up in an intricate knot – something else she'd retained. "I'm a little nervous. The last time I was in a crowd, I couldn't stop shaking," she shouted out the open door.

"That was way different," Naruto shouted back, sounding like he had a mouthful of something. "Once we get a drink or two in you, you'll relax. Besides, Sasuke and I will be there to watch out for you, and Ino is excited to see you again. Just watch out for Kiba. He's gotten to be quite the womanizer as he's gotten older."

"Kiba? The boy with the dog?" she asked as she wandered back out and smoothed her tense hands down her dress. She adjusted the straps at the shoulders and checked the loose skirt hem to confirm it was long enough to cover her legs up sufficiently.

"He's not a boy, Sakura," Naruto warned. "Just be wary. He's always had a little thing for you but...well not in a respectable way."

"Consider me wary," she snickered.

She leaned over the back of the couch where Naruto reclined and looked at him. His eyes were wide and he had the last of the open package of chocolate cookies in his lap, one hand still in the bag.

"What is it?" she asked, creasing her brow at his sudden look of confusion.

"You really sounded...like you, just then."

"Did I?" she smiled.

"Say damn it," he laughed.

Scrunching up her nose, Sakura shook her head. "Did I say that a lot?" She got up and turned off the kitchen light and could just hear Naruto mumble, "Ohhhh yeah."

He got up and followed her, bringing the bag of cookies with him.

* * *

The pub wasn't as crowded as Sakura imagined it was going to be, but the noise level was worthy of a much larger crowd. It was a long room with a thick wooden bar down the length of one side and booths and tables through the middle and other side. A small place to dance was at the far end, and the floor was a shiny expanse of scuffed and scratched cherry-wood.

Pictures hung on the wall, mostly of people doing foolish things. There was even one of her and Naruto drinking at a table, straws balanced between their upper lips and noses – obvious pink cheeks and drooping eyelids between them.

"That was a fun night," Naruto laughed, showing her the picture.

Two tables had been pushed together near the dance-floor, and Naruto led Sakura back to find seven people already seated. Empty glasses sat between full ones, and straws stuck out at odd angles from some. Only one person had a beer bottle.

"Let me introduce you to everyone," Naruto said with a hint of discomfort. She knew that he didn't like having to play like they didn't all know each other for her, but he did. She didn't really know them – any of them.

"You already know Ino and Sasuke. That is Hinata, Shino, Choji, Shikamaru, and that is Kiba with the beer bottle." They each raised a hand in response to their names, their eyes meeting hers briefly or not at all.

Thankfully, two seats beside Sasuke had been left empty and Naruto ushered her into the one in the middle. Ino smiled and reached across Sasuke to tap Sakura on the knee.

"I didn't think you'd come. I'm glad you did," she said with a wide smile. The girl with the silver eyes, Hinata sat next to Ino, and smiled uncomfortably.

Almost immediatly, the converstation that must have ceased when they approached the table resumed and after a visit from a waiter, more drinks littered the table.

Something garnet and dark was placed in front of Sakura. She knew it was rye and knew that it was her favorite. It appeared that everyone else knew too as it was ordered before she arrived.

It only took a minute for her to drink it down.

Sasuke watched her out of the corner of his eye and Sakura gave him a timid smile as she put the empty glass down.

Maybe one or two more and she'd be able to unclench her teeth.

* * *

Hours passed and more drinks slid down Sakura's throat, making her less aware of her differences from them. They regaled liberally with food, drink, and stories until the suggestion was made to move on from the pub.

They all wandered out from the village centre for a long time, singing and laughing much too loudly for people wandering the streets in the wee hours of the morning, but no one yelled at them to stop so they continued on. Somewhere in her intoxication, Sakura regretted the heels, but the night was warm and the dress felt good as the breeze made it tickle her legs.

When they reached the back training fields, Naruto had started a bonfire and Sakura realized that there were tree trunks lain down around the fire for seats. The ends were slightly splintered like they'd been broken rather than cut, but she loved that she wouldn't have to hunker down on the grass in a dress.

"Good idea," Sakura slurred to Naruto, pointing at the logs.

He looked at her with a pause, then smirked a little. "You did it last time we were here."

"Good for me, then," she laughed, not really thinking about it or caring at all. Perhaps she'd have to indulge in rye a little more often, she thought drunkenly.

Everyone sat down and Naruto produced a full bottle of something golden and strong from behind a log. Almost immediately he opened it, took a long swig and passed it to Ino, who sat down and had a drink as well, hissing and coughing a little in shock at the taste.

Then Ino passed the bottle to Sakura who smiled and took a long drink. It burned as it went down her throat, making her cough much like Ino did. The group laughed riotously and she slumped down on the log near Ino, unable to join in.

Kiba began the discussion, talking of his latest exploit with ANBU, which Sasuke explained was an elite corps of ninja who did the worst and most dangerous jobs. At least five of the group had belonged or were currently enrolled with the special squad, including Sasuke and Naruto.

Loose tongues wagged about missions and ninja abilities. And every so often, the stories included things Sakura had done. It was difficult to hear people recalling stories about her that she couldn't, and at least once, the subject was changed quickly to spare her.

"Tell us something, Sakura," Choji slurred after the last story ended. "You've been so quiet. Got anything interesting?"

Sakura's half-mast eyes scanned the fire and she bit her lip while trying to think of something they'd want to hear. Her life was a little dull and figured they wouldn't care about Kakashi's rejection. "Uh...well...I found a black silk kimono in my closet that looks like it cost a fortune, and I think I managed to wreck it."

"A kimono? I bet you look pretty sweet in a kimono," Kiba hummed contentedly, obviously picturing her in it. He smiled widely and Sakura caught the site of an elongated eye-tooth.

"What about you, Naruto?" Choji slurred again. "You've always got the good stories."

Naruto stood up and stretched, snapping his back. For some reason, he seemed to full of energy when everyone else was running out of steam, drunk, or nearly passing out.

"Well, I told the old lady the other day that it's time for her to get her ass out of the Hokage chair so I can finally get my sit in it," he laughed.

"What did she do?" Ino scoffed.

"She ripped a chunk of my hair out," he laughed. "See!" He turned around and ruffled his hair, but in the firelight, no one could tell but it didn't matter. Every laughed until their sides hurt.

"You're going to be Hokage?" Sakura asked incredulously as the laughter died down.

The group started to chuckle again and Sakura felt a little embarrassed.

"Damn straight," Naruto affirmed with a shout. "It's my dream. I'm going to run this place one day and I'll make you my second in command, Sakura! You have to wear the kimono though."

More laughter sounded around the campfire and Sakura eased back, taking another swig of the quickly draining bottle. Her body was warm, her limbs lazy.

"Laugh all you want. I'm dedicated and strong...and a little bit of a pervert." Naruto turned and looked over at Hinata. "What do you want most, Hinata?"

The poor girl stammered and fidgeted as she turned three shades of red. Sakura swore she saw her gulp , but after a moment or two of thought, she finally spoke. "What I want most is to be the person my family needs. I want to have enough strength to take my place. But you all know that," she said quietly. "I also want it to be all right to have my own happiness. The one that i choose."

No one laughed and Sakura was puzzled, but found that something rang true in the girl's words. Everyone must have understood the situation, but Sakura was okay with not knowing. The strength Hinata showed telling them what she wanted most in the world made Sakura's heart go out to her.

Hinata sighed. "What about you, Choji? What do you want most?"

Choji smirked, "I want to beat my father in a fight."

Some mumbling of understanding went around the group again, and the tone was set.

"I'd like to meet someone who can see past my family's ability, see past what I do. I'm not ashamed of it and so she mustn't be either," Shino said quietly. Even at night, Sakura noticed he kept his dark glasses on; the firelight flickered a refection in them.

Vaguely she wondered what his ability was and made a drunken mental note to ask Naruto.

"I'd like to find someone to play me a good game of shougi," Shikamaru lit and some chuckles sounded. But he looked more solemn than joking. Perhaps he'd lost his best partner.

Sasuke mumbled next. "I want to be face to face with _him_ again."

Naruto put a hand on Sasuke's shoulder and Sakura creased her brow a little.

Ino went next, "Respect, baby! I want respect. I want the rightful place as head of my clan and head of my team. And sometimes I want to be a brunette." Another light laugh sounded around the campfire and Kiba looked at Sakura. "How about you? What do you want most?"

Sakura looked at the tired faces, drunken and contented, as they lolled against each other and held close for warmth. She looked at Sasuke who seemed to peer up at the moon and think of something, and Naruto who took another swig of the bottle, watching the firelight.

They would probably never remember the discussion, but she felt like she knew them all a little bit better.

"I want Kakashi," she said calmly. "Kakashi is the thing I want most," she said softer this time.

Silence filled the camp as everyone looked at her.

Naruto slid down off the log heavily to sit nearer the fire, tossing in another piece of firewood., but he turned his head to look at her, his eyes unfocused. "You want Kakashi to what?"

"Idiot," Shikamaru said with a laugh. "She's kidding."

Ino snorted. "He's pretty hot. I wouldn't mind him too." The group continued to laugh and then a discussion broke out about who was older and better looking – Genma or Kakashi.

Sakura felt a little put out that no one believed her. How hard of a thing was it to digest? She crossed her arms and rubbed her shoulders, scanning the treetops. Then she looked at Sasuke.

He was looking at her sideways, and didn't seem pleased at all.

Sakura felt suddenly self-conscious. It was a long time after before she said anything else.

A great deal of discussion happened around the fire for the next few hours and as the light penetrated the dark blanket of night with the coming morning, Sakura felt a little sick to her stomach and way too drunk to move. Ino was sitting on the ground with her head on Shikamaru's knee and her eyes closed. Everyone else sat quietly, passing around what was left of the bottle. When it reached Sakura, she refused and rubbed her temples.

"There's only about two inches left," Naruto pushed a little.

"I can't drink anymore," Sakura breathed out, exhausted, tired and drunk.

"Someone's gotta drink it!" Naruto laughed, standing up and shocking everyone's gaze to him. Ino's head lifted off Shikamaru's knee.

"You drink it, idiot," Sasuke mumbled from where he leaned on his elbow, eyes also closed.

"I will, if you catch me," Naruto laughed. "Last one to the guard tower and back has to drink it."

Suddenly coats shuffled and feet moved, and Sakura sat up to see a small commotion as everyone was on their feet, suddenly laughing again – even Hinata who was almost as quiet as Sakura had been. She couldn't believe that this group, so close to passing out in the small morning hours, was up and ready to move again.

It sounded like blankets flapping on a laundry line when everyone flew up into the trees, propelled by forces and energy that shocked Sakura so much, her jaw dropped.

Voices laughed and howled among the branches from unseen sources as the light peeked over the trees, although dulled slightly behind what looked like coming rain clouds.

Slowly the voices got fainter and fainter in the distance.

And then there was silence except for the crickets and the hiss of the struggling fire.

Sakura stood alone, feeling the chill of the temperature dropping and watching the last embers of the fire die out. They'd left her there, drunk, tired and lost. She supposed in their current conditions, they didn't realize it, but still, she was alone.

The sad part was, she didn't know exactly where she was.

As the light penetrated the morning and gave her enough to see where she was going, Sakura just started walking. After the long night, she just wanted to be home.

* * *

Sorry for the lack of kakasaku in that chapter - Ug, transitionary. The next chapter will have some much heavier kakasaku and maybe a couple of answers. I wanted to put it in this chapter, but you'd be reading for ages. Next one is half done and i'm excited to write it so it should be out soon.

**Thanks to tsukashi**who has graciously become my wonderful beta again. I'm so happy you're back in fanfiction, sweetie.

Thank you very much to everyone who reviewed. I appreciate your kind words so much. I have been trying to make time to reply to as many as I can.

There is a new picture on my profile by the artist satalex at the bottom. It's for the third chapter of Nature of the Game and it's gorgeous. Check out all her art. Her kakashi is hot.


	6. Sakura's Bed

Chapter 6 – Sakura's Bed

* * *

Despite the coming morning, the bare skin at Sakura's shoulders felt cold. Even though the murky gray of the small hours of day had turned more to the palest blue in the sky, the air still made her shiver. And while she watched the stars vanish gradually from sight above, she walked along with no real determination or direction or desire.

Perhaps it wasn't the right time to leave her new old companions as they would probably return, but Sakura couldn't think of a reason to stay. They'd been swallowed up by the trees, and by their lifestyle and by the magical forces they could control that she couldn't anymore. Nothing else could have shown her how much she didn't belong with them than the feel of the cold, dew-soaked grass on her bare feet, while listening to the sounds of them vanishing into the unseen distance beyond the nearest tree branches.

As she took in the different sights, Sakura realized she'd never been to this part of Konoha before - or at least, couldn't remember being there. The trees were taller, thicker, the forest denser. Light from the shops and street lamps barely made their way through the bush to the darkened pathways and grassy slopes there that were rough and rarely tread.

However foreign everything was, and how lost she seemed, there was nowhere she had to be at that moment. There was nowhere she was expected or wanted. If she wandered the unfamiliar landscape for long enough, eventually something would catch her attention and lead her back to the meager apartment she lived in alone.

With her shoes dangling from a finger, she continued to walk slowly along the grassy land toward a single lamp. It pointed downward to some sort of rectangular rock, the silver light glinting off the top of it's shiny surface.

Something was familiar about that stone, but it hurt her head to try and understand it.

A man sat in front of the stone; his head crooked enough to be able to see it, but his shoulders slumped as if a weight was there, pressing down on him. Perhaps there was.

The light colour of his hair gave away his identity, but it wasn't in her to shout to him. Instead, Sakura continued along the grassy surrounding, each step a tiny bit quicker than the last. Three days had passed since they'd talked and it made her ache to find him there now, looking the way he did.

The morning mist was only just rising, and he was there when he could have been in bed. It meant something.

He didn't look up at her as she approached; if anything, he purposely tried not to look which perhaps said something more.

Taking a long deep breath, Sakura stopped when she reached the carved marble. The entire face of it was polished and smooth, easily reflecting her red dress and long legs. Carved names covered its surface, breaking up the mirror-like effect. Each chiseled stroke was a name wrought out forever.

So many names, they covered three sides.

She understood its nature and purpose even before her finger slid along the top lightly.

He still hadn't looked up at her.

"Its barely morning," she finally whispered, looking up at the sky to see the tip of the dull sun rising behind the trees she had just walked from. "Why are you here?"

* * *

Kakashi took a deep breath, sorry that his routine and necessary self-loathing was interrupted. But he could think of worse distractions, even then. Three days since they'd stood in the rain and she'd said she loved him.

She had no idea how hard walking away had been for him. Even now he wasn't sure it was the right choice to leave – but that was the hard part, staying the course.

"I could ask you the same thing," he replied, although his voice was raspy from a sleepless night.

"I'm just going back to that apartment from a...party, I guess. I haven't been here before so I imagined that if I just walked toward the lights, eventually I'd see something I knew." She smiled a small lift of her mouth, but nothing really happy. It didn't seem right to show happiness there; the cenotaph had that effect on people. "I've answered. Now, it's your turn," she continued.

She dropped her shoes into the gravel surrounding the stone.

Kakashi sat up, leaning his elbows on his upraised knees. He watched the light breeze move the hem of her dress gently. Even from where he sat, he could smell the smoke and whiskey mixed with Naruto's cheap cologne on her. Dark circles under her tired pale green eyes told him her night had been sleepless as well.

"I come here to think."

"Very good, that was truly vague," she said with a small breath of a laugh.

He forgot how much he liked her laugh.

"_That_ apartment? Don't you mean home?" he corrected, watching the way her long fingers smoothed along the marble, avoiding all the names.

Sakura laughed again, but it wasn't happy. "Can you call a place you don't know home?"

Her voice was a little raspy and she slurred the odd word. Still drunk, he thought.

Kakashi slid his mask down to breath in the fresh morning air. "In time you can. You'll get used to things the way they are."

"They way things are… People keep saying that _over _and _over_. People I don't know. I spent all night out with some nice people who know me, but I don't really know. They tell me stories about things we did, and it really means nothing to me." Sakura turned her back on Kakashi to face the memorial, crouching in front of it, her fingertips tracing along the characters. Her voice was calm and matter-of-fact when she turned her head a little and said, "All these things I'm supposed to be a part of are meaningless to me."

Kakashi stared at the graceful cut of the muscles in her back above that red dress and below her disheveled pink hair where some come lose from her up-do to frame her neck. His eyes couldn't move from the supple perfection between those pink strands.

What she said made perfect sense to him. He could tell her that she was wrong or that it would all mean something in time, but it would feel like a lie. He just couldn't lie to her like that. She'd get the odd memory, but nothing was for sure with a head injury – even he knew that.

"How long do you usually sit here?" she asked, as she awkwardly stood, turned, and bent to slip her feet into her shoes, using a finger to ease the strap over her ankle. Then she walked slowly through the grass until her long legs were directly in front of him.

Kakashi couldn't see the memorial anymore, and found it too difficult to look anywhere else – even up at her face. Her legs were strong and smooth, the muscles tight and lean. He found it hard not to imagine them wrapped around him.

"It depends," he mumbled, admiring how her silk dress would float up with the breeze, teasing him. Goosebumps littered her skin and she shivered.

"It's cold," she hissed softly, looking up at the trees blowing angrily against the gray backdrop.

"It could be the hangover," he mumbled, thankful the wind couldn't whip down on them that hard where they were.

"I don't think I'm quite at that stage yet," she slurred again. "Still drunk, actually."

Kakashi's lip raised in a grin against his promise to himself to try and remain cold to her. He looked down at the grass between his feet to stop from expectantly staring at the bottom edge of her dress, but eventually his eye moved right back up.

Her body reacted to the cold under the silk fabric as it blew against her body, displaying every curve from where her thighs met to her tightened breasts. She was practically naked, and his mind managed to remove the fabric quite easily.

He shouldn't be looking, or letting himself remain in such a dangerous situation with her. She was drunk and he was tempted.

It wasn't the first time.

And she knew he was looking. He couldn't tear his eyes away.

Finally she moved, almost too gracefully for someone who was awash with alcohol and wearing high heels. She took a step and then carefully lifted a foot and stepped between his knees where he leaned on them, making him recline back slightly and put his hands on the grass. A glimpse of her lace black panties caught his eye before she stepped fully between his legs, making him spread them apart to accommodate her.

Then slowly, she lowered herself down until she was sitting on the grass. Her hair smelled of hairspray mixed with strawberry shampoo as she laid her head on his shoulder and curled up against him.

He shouldn't have let her. He should have shifted away and stopped her like his brain had told him to do. Her body shivered against his and she slid her feet underneath his leg on one side so that she could get closer. Thank Heaven she hadn't tried to straddle him or he'd be lost.

"This feels nice," she mumbled, pressing her forehead against his throat. "You smell so good."

"We should probably get you home," he whispered, finding his own body disagreeing as he moved to tuck her head under his chin and his arms raised from the ground to wrap around her. One slid around her bare shoulders and the other slid down around her hip, pressing into the tender flesh just above her behind.

"Mmmm," she hummed softly, tightening her grip on his vest at his hip and trying to mold herself against him.

He imagined her eyes were closed and that before long she'd pass out. The awful hangover would come next followed by the typical resentment of alcohol. Maybe she wouldn't even remember being there with him.

Her breathing deepened and he finally believed she had fallen asleep on him. Of course, now would be the natural time to pick her up and take her to her apartment, but he couldn't. For just a little while longer, he wanted to hold her, wanted to feel her body against his.

He closed his eyes and dropped his armor for just a little while.

* * *

Euphoric weightlessness greeted Sakura as she tried to open her eyes. She was still cradled in Kakashi's arms and so she was where she wanted to be. Sleep must have come as they sat by the cenotaph and he must have decided to carry her home.

Managing to look around, she was eye level with his masked chin, and when she felt a drop in their movement, her eyes widened to look around enough to know they were moving along rooftops, her stomach doing flips.

She grabbed Kakashi's collar, tightening her arms around his neck and squeezing herself as close to him as she could. She let out a small gasp.

"Almost there," he said and she could feel the vibration of his voice against her forehead as she pressed it against his throat.

Another leap, and she squeezed her eyes shut tight, hoping the momentum didn't make her sick. But this time they seemed to stop dead and so she opened up her eyes again to find her apartment door was directly in front of them.

"Key?" he asked.

"Oh," Sakura mumbled, sliding one of her tense arms from around his neck, and fumbling drunkenly with the top of her dress. She managed to slip her fingers into her thin strapless bra and retrieve the silver key from where it tucked up under her breast.

She held it up and then let her head fall back against Kakashi's shoulder. He hesitated before he set her feet on the floor, took the key, and then unlocked the door. All the while, Sakura leaned against him, held comfortably flush with his body as her silk dress slid up her legs.

When the door swung open, Kakashi bent over and picked her back up. Sakura was sure her panties were exposed now, but she didn't care.

Kakashi's body felt tense against her as he shuffled them in the door and kicked it shut; he swayed as he flipped off his shoes, and then proceeded to take her to the bedroom.

Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe the idea of him carrying her to her bed that did it, but she was turned on. She was drunk to be sure, and maybe that enabled her to give over to it completely, but she couldn't let him leave, couldn't be clumsy about it this time.

Kakashi approached her bed and paused there when he reached the side. Instead of lying her down, he let her legs go slowly so that she could put her feet on the floor. If he hadn't been holding her, she felt sure she would have teetered over on her heels.

"Sit down and I'll take your shoes off," Kakashi said, helping to steer her until the backs of her legs hit the bed side and she flopped down ungracefully, just able to stay sitting.

Kakashi crouched down at her feet, and she closed her eyes and sighed. "Do you hate me?" she asked quietly. He hadn't removed his mask.

"I don't hate you," he said sincerely.

Sakura felt the soft tickle of his fingertips on her calf just below her right knee. Long slow paths of his touch were traced down until one hand lifted and cupped her heel while the other worked at the strap.

She thought about telling him that the back of the strap would just slip off, but she loved the feeling of his touch as his fingers worked at the tiny buckle on the velvet shoe.

Instead, she leaned over on one arm lopsidedly, still keeping her eyes closed.

When the first shoe was off her foot, Kakashi's fingers went back to her left calf, sliding along slowly underneath to raise it so he could see see the buckle better. Sakura hummed her appreciation for his effort and the way his cool tips dug in just a little in the most tender parts of her leg, making her body respond in so many more places than would be expected with just a light touch there.

"We should get you into bed. You'll have a bad hangover when you wake up," he said quietly and she opened her eyes to find him still crouched at her feet, but one of his hands was on her knee. It was something so familiar and he didn't seem to notice that he'd done it.

"All right...but will you do something for me first?" she said softly, sitting up straighter and patting the bed next to her with drunken exaggeration.

"It depends," he said warily as he stood up. His dark eye swept from her legs to the bed beside her and then up to her half-closed green eyes.

"I won't bite," she said groggily, a large lopsided grin on her face.

Reluctantly, Kakashi sat down beside her and immediately Sakura leaned on him heavily.

He didn't move away like she expected. He didn't even flinch.

"I wondered if you'd give me back a memory...from your point of view." She slipped an arm around his arm and snuggled up to him tightly. She put her chin on his shoulder and when he turned his face to look at her, they were so close that their noses could almost touch.

"You might not remember it later," he breathed out, and she could tell he was feeling how near they were and how intimate the dim and silent room was around them as they sat together on her bed – just as she was.

He turned away and bowed his head, his eye full of conflict.

"Maybe not, but I've got you here now. Who knows when that will happen again. Will you just do this once for me?" she asked, rubbing her cheek a little against the soft shoulder of his dark shirt. "I promise not to ask again if you don't want me to."

"All right," he whispered, a hint of defeat in his voice. "What sort of memory?"

Sakura just lay there for a moment against the hard curve of his shoulder, feeling his warmth seep into her. His scent was so nice; whether his cologne or just his natural scent, she breathed it deeply, letting it stir up the feelings she had when he was with her.

"Are you all right? Maybe you should lie down," he said. His voice was a perfect, deep example of calmness. Even when he was upset or angry, it never raised. It could become sharp like a knife when he needed to make his point, or it was soothing like it was now.

"Not yet," she whispered. Instead she lazily shifted, enjoying the sound of her limbs moving across the blanket and the feel of how soft they were on her skin. She stood up beside the bed, and pulled her dress up enough so that she could straddle Kakashi's thigh, teetering slightly, but finding her mark in the end.

"Sakura..." he began, but didn't stop her. He didn't even touch her.

"I won't make you do anything you don't want to do, Kakashi. I just want a memory," she said in hushed tones as she leaned forward to lay her body against his and to put her head back on his shoulder. He was so warm.

A sigh escaped him, not an impatient breath, but something liked submission – to her or to himself, she didn't care.

"You never denied we'd had a moment like this before," she whispered as she ran her hands up his biceps and then crossed her arms behind his neck.

"I won't deny it," he uttered hesitantly.

"Tell me about the first time you kissed me," she urged, sliding her clumsy fingers up the back of his neck up to the short silver hair just above the nape. With light touches and curls of her fingers, she gently tugged and played with the soft, thick strands.

Kakashi shivered minutely and it brought a smile to her lips.

"Was it early morning like it is now?" she asked, closing her eyes.

"It was night," he answered. She looked up to see his eye was closed as well. He was enjoying her touch as much as she wanted him to.

Shifting a little on his leg, which felt hard and strong between her thighs, she slid both hands to his neck just below his ears and held him. Gently, she pressed her cheek to his and spoke against the shell of his ear.

"Did you tell me to leave?"

"Yes," Kakashi said plainly, his words so quick they almost skipped over hers. He tensed under her fingers, but still did not pull away.

Allowing herself more, she let her weight fall against him, her lean body molded perfectly against his like a lover's. His hand went to the small of her back, sliding over the silk in smooth strokes. It was almost like there was nothing between his fingers and her flesh, and goosebumps rose from his touches.

"But I didn't leave, did I," she whispered as her lips touched the skin of his cheek above the fabric mask, and just below his right eye.

"No, you didn't."

"Was I drunk like I am now?" she hummed against his cheek.

"No," he whispered back, "...You were crying."

As her mouth reached his covered lips, she hesitated, teasing at them with her own, brushing against them as she spoke. "You wanted to kiss me..."

Kakashi's eye opened and he looked into hers. The pause in his reactions made her worry he'd stop her, but he didn't.

"Yes," he said softly.

So very slowly, she pressed her lips to his masked ones, feeling the tiny movement beneath of his reciprocation. It was tender and gentle and she held him there for just as long as she thought he could stand it. His arms slid around her, pulling her a little closer to his body, but not too tightly. His indecision was still there in his tense arms and stiff fingers.

Sakura slowly moved away and lay back down against his shoulder, taking a deep breath and praying silently that he wouldn't let her go for a little while longer.

"Good memory. I'll think I'll keep that one," she slurred, closing her eyes and feeling her limbs getting heavier.

She felt his fingertips sweep across her forehead to move some hair out of her eyes, but she couldn't open them anymore. Even though she wanted to look at him once more, she just couldn't.

"I'll keep it too," he said gently, and then shifted her so that she had no choice but to move.

Clumsily, she slid onto the bed from his leg and sank heavily into the duvet. It smelled clean and felt cool on her tired limbs.

The bed shifted and she felt a blanket sweep over her.

Then it shifted once more and there was complete silence.

* * *

Sakura breathed heavily as she lay awake in her bed. Her head was aching, but not from anything that would bring a fresh memory. Three times she'd been up to get sick, each time feeling monumentally better as she filled up the water glass and trudged back to her cave of blankets.

Of course, within a little while, she felt sick again and the pathetic routine was formed. At least she was able to sleep between bouts of nausea.

But something else had woken her this time though. It wasn't the feeling in her stomach, or the ache in her head.

If she were an uber ninja like everyone said she was, she would have just flown through the door and caught whoever was in her apartment, but as it stood now, all she could do was lie there and see who came through the door.

If they were there to kill her, they might be doing her a favor.

"Hey, Sakura," a voice said from behind her on the bed.

"Naruto!" she shouted, and jerked from the surprise of another person suddenly right beside her. She put her hand over her eyes for a second while she waited for her heart to slow down.

"Damn it, Naruto! What the hell are you doing in my bed?" she growled.

"Wow... You sound more and more like yourself by the day. I think this is progress," he said thoughtfully. His eyes were wide and he had a large grin.

"I think that's a natural reaction to someone showing up uninvited into your _bed_," she hissed, rubbing her temples.

"You're still in your dress?"

A sigh escaped her while she lifted the blankets and looked at the red silk, crumpled and twisted around her waist. "Yeah," she mumbled. Haven't had the energy to change yet.

She let her head fall back on the pillow and closed her eyes again, thankful that it seemed her hangover had finally died down a little. Silence stretched between them and for a moment, she almost fell asleep again.

"Hey...I'm sorry," he mumbled, turning on his back beside her. "We were about a half-mile in when Sasuke realized we left you there by yourself. We hurried back, but when we got there, you were gone."

She could hear the apology in his voice and how bothered he was by it.

"It's fine," she whispered.

"Sakura, we looked for you everywhere. We must have only been gone for about fifteen minutes. We figured you didn't know how to get home and would be just wandering so it was all out drunken panic. We looked for you for two hours." He fidgeted and picked at a callous on his hand.

"Two hours?" she echoed.

"Well, we were all worried. Then drunk Sasuke gets the brainwave to check and see if you got home. I peeked in your window and saw that you were curled up in bed. It was really insensitive for us to just leave you like that. Not great for your first outing with us, huh? I'd use being drunk as an excuse...but it's really not."

"I said it's fine, Naruto. I did have a good time, but I did feel a little lost when you left," she mumbled, pulling the blanket up over her mouth to spare him her vomit-tinged morning breath.

"It's a tradition. Well...not really a tradition but we've always had a run to the guard tower and back when we all get together in the training grounds. Everything seemed just like it always was and we forgot. I wouldn't blame you if you were angry."

"Listen. I got home just fine and everything is okay. You don't have to feel guilty," she said softly as she turned over and curled up tighter in the blanket while facing him.

"Well, if it's any consolation, Sasuke couldn't stop getting sick and Kiba passed out on the top of Hokage tower. The old lady is going to have his hide," he snickered and then took a deep breath.

Sakura laughed softly and watched Naruto close his eyes. She closed her eyes as well, feeling her body give up any tenseness she was still holding. Again, she almost fell asleep.

"Listen," he said happily – a little too forcedly. "If you're up to it, I need to take you somewhere. I have someone I want you to meet."

With a slow rub of her temples, Sakura tested the waters for the headache and concluded that she could probably get by with a couple of aspirins and some more water.

"All right. Just give me a few minutes to shower," she mumbled as she flipped her blanket off and moaned. It was so hard to get out of bed. "Why the hell are you so lively?"

"Just lucky I guess," Naruto winked and used his foot to nudge her behind toward the edge of the bed.

"Why didn't you go bug someone else?" she hissed, rolling onto her feet and whimpering a little while rubbing her head.

"Are you kidding? They've all got hangovers."

Sakura turned to look at him, glaring daggers.

"Wow, you are so like yourself it's scary."

* * *

Smelling like shampoo, soap, toothpaste and some sweet perfume, Sakura felt monumentally better. Nothing made a hangover withdraw like water and being clean. There was no skip in her step, but at least she could keep her eyes open and not get sick.

Once again, Naruto took her to the grassy clearing where they'd meditated. She'd opted for a red sweatshirt and black jogging pants as opposed to a dress. Even her running shoes felt so good on her feet, she swore she'd never wear heels again.

She played with the hood strings as they walked quietly, enjoying the fine change in weather.

The wetness was dried up and the sun peeked out from behind fast-moving, fluffy clouds, tinged with gray. The sun felt good, but the air was cool from the thunderstorms of the recent days. Her hair blew around a little, so she pulled up her hood and rubbed the fleece lining against her cheek with a cold hand.

When they reached the back of the clearing, a man stood there.

Sakura's steps slowed and she felt hesitant about approaching him. His eyes were just like Hinata's. Long brown hair lay on his shoulders and down his back, and he was tall. If she hadn't felt so much trepidation at meeting him, Sakura might have said he was extremely attractive. His loose clothing didn't look like regular Jounin wear, but then again, Sasuke seemed to have designer uniforms so why not this guy?

"Sakura, this is Neji," Naruto announced proudly. "Neji...you know Sakura.

"Hi," Sakura practically whispered, tucking her hands into the large front pocket of the sweatshirt.

"I was sorry to hear of your situation," Neji said smoothly in luscious deep tones. Sakura liked the sound of his velvety voice, but still felt a little wary of him. But if Naruto trusted him, that would have to be good enough.

"Thank you...Neji," she said a little louder.

Naruto rubbed his hands together happily. "Sakura, Neji has a special ability. He can see chakra and he can direct it through a person's body by hitting tenketsu - little junctions in the chakra highway. He just needs to poke you and maybe he can get your chakra going."

"It's not that simple," Neji said evenly.

Sakura's tired green eyes went from one to the other.

"Just give her a poke, Neji. Come on, work your magic," Naruto pleaded impatiently.

Neji's shoulders dropped a little, and Sakura could see the annoyance in his face. Did Naruto always get his way with everyone?

Slowly, Neji raised two fingers and touched Sakura's shoulder. "Poke," he said coolly.

"Damn it, Hyuuga," Naruto growled.

Sakura couldn't help but stifle a laugh. Neji's cool facade also cracked a little as one of the corners of his mouth lifted.

"Thank you anyway," Sakura said with a little relief at not being poked in the proper way that Neji was supposed to do it. The fact that he could hit things inside her body was a little freakish, even after all the things she'd seen in the hospital with fixing people using body energy.

"Don't be alarmed," Neji said quickly as they ignored Naruto stomping around and grumbling to himself. "This will just look strange but I won't hurt you."

Sakura gasped to see disjointed lines around his eyes that seemed to puff up with something under the skin; it even seemed to puff inside his iris'. It was frightening but so hard to look away from at the same time.

"You have a tiny shard of hard chakra in your brain. If we can release it, perhaps you might recover some memories. I don't understand enough about the brain to know if this is stopping your memory, but we might as well try since we were dragged out here."

"Uh...what are you going to do?" she asked, her voice strained and small.

"I'm going to hit some tenketsu and hope that the change in pressure in your chakra highway might loosen the shard. I can't think of anything else to try. I've never seen this before and realistically, this may not even be the problem."

"I don't think that is a good idea," she said quietly, preparing to shuffle away from him, her hands coming out of her pockets.

"It won't hurt," he said smoothly, taking a step closer to Sakura and slipping one hand around to the back of her neck to hold her still while his fingertips, alight with some blue energy, tapped just below her collarbone. Her hood fell down over his hand and she shook in his hold.

It happened so fast. She struggled a little against him at first, but when the touches did nothing but give a tingling aftereffect, she stood still and let him continue.

"That's good," he said quietly.

His fingers moved so quickly across her chest and twice around her abdomen, touching and tapping rapidly. And then he stopped, sliding his hand from her neck but keeping it near in case some sort of unexpected thing happened.

Unfortunately, for Sakura, it did.

A flash happened behind her eyes and she hissed with the sudden pain. She was on the ground, but didn't feel the fall. Hands were on her neck, her hands and her waist, but she couldn't tell whose was whose.

Then the memories came. They were longer, more intense.

She and Naruto were looking up at Sasuke in some sort of ruin. She was nervous, anxious, desperate. Naruto and Sasuke looked so much younger, just teens. Then Sasuke was gone, and she cried with Naruto. The sadness was encompassing.

And then another came. Sasuke again. But he was in her bed, he was older so it was recent, and he was slowly taking her clothes off as he kissed her throat.

And then the last. Kakashi was staring at her. They were in some large room filled with people and she was wearing the black kimono, he a blue yukata. He looked nervous, just as she felt.

And finally, she could see the grass and hear Naruto's voice shouting her name anxiously.

"Calm down, Naruto. She's coming out of it," Neji's voice said.

Sakura breathed through the last of it and let her body release the strained muscles that tightened automatically when it happened. This time, she felt ill and worried she might vomit on their shoes.

"Did you get your memories back?" Naruto asked her hurriedly, too excited.

"Just a few," Sakura managed and she tried to stand, aided by Neji.

"A piece of the chakra shard disintegrated. The cast off could have stimulated a piece of your brain to give you a memory," Neji said smoothly, releasing her to stand on her own. "It could just be coincidence."

She nodded a little and then looked at the nervous blond, scratching his cheek and looking a little defeated

"Naruto," she said plainly, thinking about what her memories brought her. "We need to talk about a couple of things."

She would ask Kakashi about the black kimono, but what she was most troubled by was that Sasuke had been in her bed.

* * *

Thanks again for all the wonderful comments. More questions...sorry. I hope to have the next out within the week. Thanks for reading. Thanks to tsukashi for the read through.

* * *


	7. Tea Houses and Kunai

Chapter 7 - Tea Houses and Kunai

* * *

The coffee shop was slightly crowded, and the smell of fresh baked muffins and bread wafted through the air making Sakura hungry. Night was falling on Konoha, the crickets and cicadas making a harmonious racket outside the open window and the street lamps came on one by one.

Naruto played with the ice cubes in his ginger ale, poking at them with a straw and watching them float back up after he'd pushed them to the bottom. The light hum of patron's enjoying talk about the weather or the memorial, or even just what they did that day kept the ambiance at a dull roar.

With a light sigh, Naruto finally asked timidly, "So what did you see this time?" His voice was quiet and passive like he didn't really want to know. Maybe there was something in her face after the memory shock that warned Naruto that they needed to talk about something she'd seen. Maybe it was something he always feared she'd discover and didn't want to be the one to tell her.

Sakura leaned forward, slipping to the end of the soft, vinyl booth seat, and placed both forearms on the table around her tea, unable to match his calm tone. "I saw Sasuke... Naruto, I need you to be candid with me. I've been having these visions and memories whenever that pain in my head hits. They're confusing me more than helping. I can't figure out what they mean."

"You saw Sasuke?" Naruto repeated. "What was he doing?"

"Tell me about my past with Sasuke," she said without answering his question.

Naruto scratched at his face and looked down at his glass. His eyes flicked up to her and then to the window. He stirred his ginger ale a little with the straw. Glasses clinked and the sound of the coffeemaker hissing reached their quiet table and Sakura became acutely aware that Naruto was stalling.

"I don't know if I really...should," he mumbled, still avoiding her eyes.

"Why ever not?" she pressed, reaching across the table to grab his hand.

Poking again at the stray cubes in his glass, nearly melted now, Naruto finally met her eyes. "I like the way things are right now. I mean, not you losing your memories, but us being all together."

"Well...," Sakura's brow creased, "Why wouldn't we be?"

Naruto's shoulders slumped a little; he dropped his straw and put his hands down on the booth seat after pulling out of her gentle hold. The muscles in his jaw contracted, tightening his face and showing his discomfort with whatever he was objecting to telling her.

"It's not fair to hide things from me. I haven't trusted anyone as much as I've trusted you. Don't make me regret it," she said quietly, pulling her hand back and clenching it in her sweatshirt pocket.

"All right. Just...don't tell Sasuke I told you. I think he likes things the way they are as well." Naruto sighed again, long and slow, before finally slipping to the end of his booth seat and getting up to come around to Sakura's side. He slid in and eased over so closely to her that their thighs were tight against each other.

"Is it that bad?" she asked with wide eyes.

"No. Well, I'm not sure. I'd like to keep it between us, though." His eyes glossed over the other patrons and then back to Sakura.

They just looked at each other for a moment, Naruto waiting to make sure she really wanted to hear it, and Sakura waiting for him to get the courage to tell her whatever he was holding back. No matter what, it didn't seem like it was going to be something she cared to know. But once it was out, there was no turning back and the curiosity would be the end of her if she didn't find out.

"Please," she hissed, tired of waiting for his compliance, even though she knew full well he was going to tell her. His hesitation was creating anxiety for them both; Naruto never _ever_ hesitated.

"Okay...just, let me figure out where to start. I mean, you know Sasuke right? Remember when we first came to the hospital and you were pretty nervous around him. Actually, I'd say that he frightened you more than a little." Naruto grabbed a sugar package and began to fray the edge gently with his fingertips. A spoon clanged to the floor at a nearby table and he took the opportunity to focus on it.

"Hm," Sakura agreed, tapping his hand where it rested on the table.

He looked back at her, then at the glass on the other side of the table. "Well, I always thought that was strange because before that day, you two hadn't spoken in a long time. I think it had to be about two years ago that things became strained, not that long after he returned to the village as a ninja. He was a missing-nin for a long time." The sugar fell in grains all over the table from the ripped package. "Shit," he mumbled.

"We haven't spoken in two years?" she said incredulously.

"You've spoken, but it wasn't always nice. Something always seemed to be strained and it got harder and harder for us all to be together. Neither of you would tell me why, but just that I had to deal with it. It's depressing, Sakura. My two best friends couldn't sit at a table together without ignoring each other or one of you getting up and making an excuse to leave. Then...you just started avoiding each other." Naruto reached for another sugar packet.

"I don't understand at all..." she whispered, rubbing her forehead tersley and looking out the window to the darkened streets and yellow lights along the paths.

"What did you see, Sakura, in your memory?" Naruto finally asked, leaning back against the booth and tipping his head to look at her. It seemed his energy had drained from him and his voice was tired which was so abnormal for him that it bothered her to make him feel like that.

"I need to ask you one more thing," she said apologetically. "Please...be honest. I really wish this had been any other memory..."

"I will," he answered softly.

"Did I have sex with Sasuke?"

"Why would I know that?" Naruto hissed, "Geez, Sakura. The guy doesn't tell me what colour he likes, he certainly wouldn't tell me something like that. I don't think I want to know that anyway." His voice raised a little and he looked around the room to see if anyone noticed.

She leaned closer so she could speak quietly. "I saw us in bed together. He was kissing me and his hands were working at my clothes. I have to imagine that we slept together at least once. I thought that you being our best friend would know what happened." Sakura slid her arm around his arm and leaned on his shoulder. "I didn't mean to upset you but I'm really confused now."

"I want to help you but...he's anti-social. He just doesn't talk about himself. He's had a really hard life." Naruto defended Sasuke but he didn't need to. Sakura understood the bond they all had, well, up until the moment Naruto shattered the illusion that everything was fine between them all. Their lives together went far back, and as much as she'd been told up to now, there was something special between the three, be it good or bad.

"You loved him for a long time, you know," Naruto mumbled, scratching a tense hand through his hair. "When he was gone for years, you did everything you could to bring him back. All your training and work to become a top ranked kunoichi was partly, maybe even mostly for him. You kept me going...kept me looking for him and wouldn't let me give up. That day when we found him the first time, we cried together when he left."

"I see," she said to herself, feeling a little bit of despair creeping in. She wanted Kakashi, not Sasuke. She felt so strongly that she had some sort of relationship with Kakashi at some point, so why have a dalliance with Sasuke, if that's all it was? And why did they dislike each other? She couldn't very well ask Sasuke as she promised Naruto, but her head spun from the idea that they might have been more to each other than just friends.

And was it possible she retained her feelings for people from before her memory loss? She had a natural reluctance around Sasuke, a innate mistrust. But in contrast, Naruto had easily been accepted and Kakashi had quickly become the object of her affection.

Pieces were falling into place, but then some were breaking off. Did she actually sleep with him? And why did she hate him? Two questions in the place of one.

"I don't suppose Sasuke says how he feels about me either way?" she attempted, knowing full well that if he didn't share personal things, Sasuke probably never confided anything in Naruto of that nature.

Of course, the blond shook his head. "But is him caring about you so bad? Two years ago, it would have been exactly what you wanted. I like the way things are now, Sakura. Can we just leave it like this for a while. I know you're curious and it's a big thing to ask..."

"No, it's fine," she said off-handedly, not really listening anymore, her mind turning over on so many things. "My head hurts. Would you walk me home?"

Naruto tossed some coins on the table for the drinks and slid out of the booth. He held a hand out and helped Sakura up as well.

"I'm sorry I wasn't more help," he said gently. "I suppose there are just some things that you might never know."

* * *

Once again the sun rose to light the blue sky between gusts of pearly white clouds. It was still cool and breezy, but much more comfortable without a headache or a hangover. Sakura hadn't slept well, but managed to get a few hours in between bouts of questions running through her head.

But now she felt wrong in her own skin thinking that somehow, somewhere, she'd chosen to be in an intimate situation with Sasuke. It made her question her pre-memory loss feelings toward Kakashi as genuine, but took some comfort in the fact that what was there now was quite real.

She slipped on a pair of dark blue dress pants and a light blue long sleeved blouse that buttoned up. As she turned in front of the mirror, she felt she looked consumately professional and swore that Nurse Nasty wasn't going to get the better of her today.

But, as Murphy's Law would dictate, her favorite head nurse seemed to be hunting for her hide with unusual fervor. If it wasn't how quickly she was seeing to the intake paperwork, it was how slow she was stocking the supplies. Of course, it was the _red_ suckers that the children were _supposed_ to get and she shouldn't actually gag when someone vomits on her.

All in all, the day had not gone well.

As Sakura poured over the last set of test results, verbally beaten and a little less confident than she'd ever felt in her short life, she sighed and put her head down on the desk.

Between defensive bouts with the nurse and glimpses in her mind of Sasuke's fingers on the mid-line zipper of a red shirt, she couldn't stop thinking of what Kakashi said before he allowed them that one kiss. If only she'd been less drunk, she might have had the presence of mind to question him on why she was crying when he first kissed her. And that question led to her wondering how many times he'd kissed her and had he, in fact, been in her bed as well?

And then worse questions began to surface. Was it Sasuke or Kakashi she had a dalliance with? Could it have been Sasuke she was involved with and messed around with Kakashi? It didn't seem likely as someone would have told her, wouldn't they? But having Kakashi tight lipped and keeping her at bay might be an indication that she was on the right track. Damn ninja and their secretive ways.

The unwelcome idea that she'd had multiple lovers began to plague her. What sort of girl was she? No one had really spoken with her about her libido or her sexual prowess. Was she loose? Were all ninja loose?

She needed Ino.

"Napping?" a familiar snarky voice asked from the office doorway.

"Oh, sorry. I've got a bit of a headache," Sakura mumbled, embarrassed. She sat up, fumbled the charts closed and slowly, trying not to draw any anger upon herself, started stacking them as quietly as humanly possible.

"You know, I have no idea why she keeps you around. You're just in the way all the time," the nurse grumbled, picking at a nail non-chalantly. "I mean, you don't really do anything."

And just like that, all questions were banished from her mind. Instead, Sakura felt a build up of frustration and anger like she hadn't felt yet. It was almost freeing. An inner voice was telling her that it was time to make the woman put-up or shut-up with a shaking fist. And her real self concurred.

Sakura stood up and snapped the last chart noisily on top of the stack and looked up at the nurse with narrowed eyes. "I have done nothing but bust my ass around here, and you've been on my case from minute one."

"I can't help it if you're a screw- up... from minute one," the tall thin woman snickered.

"Why the hell am I even here? I'm not enjoying this," Sakura hissed to herself, rubbing her temple and shaking her head.

"Not much else you can do, is there?" the nurse laughed, but it had a nervous edge.

"Yeah, actually, there is. I don't really want to be here, so screw it. I'm gone," Sakura said with a satisfying push on the charts as they spread across the desk and one fell on the floor. She slid around the desk and approached the woman as she pulled off the white coat with her name embroidered on the pocket and tucked it over her arm. "I'm sure you'll be happy to pass this on to Tsunade for me. Tell her I quit. And feel free to take the credit." Then without another word, Sakura stepped by the nurse and walked calmly down the hall.

As she passed the hospital rooms and the nurses station to press the button for the elevator, she could hear the frantic click of high heels coming down the hallway. "Sakura! You can't just quit like that. Tsunade will be... Sakura!"

With a breath of a laugh, Sakura stepped into the open elevator, and feeling like a weight had fallen off her shoulders, said a happy goodbye to hospital life.

* * *

It was past noon when Sakura found herself in an unfamiliar side of the village. There was a bakery, a small restaurant, and a tiny shop that sold supplies for ninja like specialized kunai and weapons that looked like jewelry and hair pieces. It was fascinating, but what was more interesting was that the shop owner knew Sakura – even called her by name.

She browsed the counter, staring at the hard steel blades, and intricately designed stars with curled and jagged edges. All manner of things that clipped onto wrists or strapped to arms, legs or belts littered the walls and glass cases.

"Your item came in," the shop owner said happily.

"My...item...?" she responded, watching the small man with gray hair fumble around behind a counter for a cardboard box.

The man set the box on the counter and smiled as if Sakura should be pleased. With ease, he slid the flaps up and opened the box so that she could look at the contents. Sakura leaned over and stared at the shiny object, curious about it and wondering why she had thought to buy it. "What is it?" she asked without thinking.

"What?" he said with wide eyes. "It's the vintage kunai you had me track down... Don't you remember searching for it? I think it was a present for someone. It was very very difficult to find."

"Present?" she repeated again, staring at the ceramic white handle with the symbols on it. The blade looked less than new, and she wondered who she had bought it for. "Oh...yes, of course. What do I owe you for it?"

"You already paid! We started looking for it a year ago. I guess I thought you'd be more excited to see it."

"Oh no, I am. I'm sorry. My head just isn't right today," she laughed softly but it seemed more forced than anything.

The shop owner folded the box shut again and handed it Sakura, who tucked it under an arm. She said a pleasant thank you for allowing her to browse, and then politely left.

Kicking the stones up as she walked, she began to feel some frustration over an endless number of questions and mysteries that kept popping up. Who was the kunai for now? Each new question was making her tired. She didn't want to know anymore.

In the end of her wanderings, she turned down a street to find herself on the steps of the Tea House and Cafe that Ino had taken her to. It was a large building and beautiful inside. Murals painted the screens between the small open rooms where people gathered for conversation and drinks, and the back of the building held a wall full of windows overlooking a garden filled with cherry trees and a small brook with a wooden bridge. Hues of pale green, white and pearly pink filled the rooms in the forms of cushions and decorations.

Beyond the bridge sat a small house with a pagoda roof and long windows. It had a wooden door and was quite tiny compared to the immense building she was in now. She assumed that was for the proper tea ceremonies.

"Were you here with the Yasaka party?" a woman asked Sakura, who was straining around a wall to have a better look at everything. She looked up at the woman who couldn't be more than thirty. Her long brown hair was pin-straight and exquisite, falling down her back in a long soft curtain. Her yukata was a sky blue with lilies down one side and on one sleeve. She had the most lovely dark eyes.

"Oh, no," Sakura said apologetically. "I'm alone."

The woman winked. "I'm sure that's your choice," she laughed softly and motioned for Sakura to follow her. As they wandered along the tatami mats, the woman found a small open room with cushions on the floor and a low table between them, waving Sakura in.

"What may I get you?" she asked.

"Just...uh..."

"Tea?" the woman laughed. "You seem a little lost. Are you all right?"

Was she all right? It took a moment for Sakura to actually contemplate that. She probably wasn't all right by any means. The only job she knew, she'd just quit, and her past was a jumbled confusion of bits and pieces of men she may or may not have been intimate with. And certainly, intimacy with Kakashi was not as unappealing as with Sasuke. Somewhere in the back of her mind she could see Sasuke frowning at her with the slight downturn of the corner of his lips, just like at the fire when she confessed her interest in Kakashi. Sasuke seemed to be the only one to believe her. Perhaps he knew something on that account.

But asking him to tell her about Kakashi was just not going to happen.

"I'll take that silent, frantic look as a no," the woman chuckled. "You look like you could use some company."

"I'm sorry. I've just had a bad couple of days," Sakura managed, getting comfortable on the cushions and leaning heavily on her elbow on the table.

"Let me get you some tea, on the house."

Sakura nodded and took a deep breath as the woman wandered away, and was back again just as quickly. She slid into the intimate space, placed the small tea cups and the matching intricately painted pot on a ceramic plate on the table and then sat down herself in a graceful and careful manner.

"I thought you could use some company. I'm Na. I own this place."

"Oh, thanks," Sakura mumbled, unsure if she really did want company. "I'm Sakura."

"What made your day so bad, Sakura?" Na asked sweetly, gracefully pouring the light coloured green tea into Sakura's cup and then into her own.

"I just quit this job... and I'll probably get in trouble for it... now that I think about it." A sigh poured from Sakura's lips out over the cup in front of her. She looked at the few tiny dark leaves floating around in it before they slowly descended to the bottom.

"Will your husband be angry?" Na asked, placing an open hand under the bottom of her cup and two fingers at the rim, sipping it with a small tip. Everything Na did looked so refined and proper to Sakura. Every movement seemed thoughtful and delicate, purposeful.

"I'm not married," Sakura laughed. "I don't even have a boyfriend."

Na smiled and set her cup down. "I can't believe that. A beautiful girl like you must have men lined up to be your lover."

Sakura smiled back, but only politely. She wasn't about to tell this woman whom she'd just met that she was in love with an older man who begrudgingly kept her at arms length. She didn't want to think about Kakashi at the moment, because he would probably be uncomplimentary about her quitting. She wasn't sure how she knew that, but she figured he wouldn't be pleased. Kakashi seemed to have a plan that Sakura was supposed to stick to which included staying out of his bed.

Show up for work, don't get into trouble, and don't tempt him. It was completely the opposite of what she wanted. Of course, he seemed to be all right with breaking rules when she was drunk, most likely because he figured she wouldn't remember. But still, he kissed her back - even if it was fairly innocent.

"No one? Well at least you don't owe anyone anything regarding this job you quit then." Na poured herself another cup and Sakura realized she hadn't paid enough attention to see that she should be drinking. Gently, she picked up the cup and tried to be as delicate about it as Na.

"I don't know what to do. I was happy when I quit, but now I'm just worried."

Na grinned again, picking up her second cup, closing her eyes and holding the tea just under her lips. "I dont think you should concern yourself with it. If you don't have a partner to be accountable to, then whose business it is that you quit or not?"

Sakura's brow creased and she set her undrunk cup of tea down. "It seems my business is everyone's business lately. Someone will come to scold me. I feel like a child now." She stared at the refection of the lights in the liquid.

"Have some tea, Sakura. It'll make you feel better. You look like a grown woman to me, so if I were you, I wouldn't let anyone push me around," Na said happily.

Sakura felt like she was sitting with a bartender, but enjoyed having someone tell her she didn't have to care who got upset by her decisions. It was nice to have unrestrained support. Of course, the small moment of comfort quickly came to a halt when she looked up over her small cup to see a familiar lazy form leaning on the post next to their booth.

"Hatake Kakashi," Na said smoothly. "What brings _you _to my tea house?" A wide grin displayed all of Na's beautiful perfect white teeth and Kakashi's eye creased happily in response.

"I was looking for a friend and happened to find my way in here," he replied in that lazy tone he always had.

"Join us, as long as Sakura doesn't mind," Na said in a tone that Sakura didn't much like. It suddenly occurred to Sakura that Kakashi and Na must have known each other in some way before tonight and Na's purr was making it out to be more than she wanted to know.

"I don't mind," Sakura mumbled, knowing full well the friend was probably her and he was more likely on an errand than a pleasant visit.

Kakashi's visible eye went from Na to Sakura and back again. He hesitated before choosing to sit down on the pillows next to Na, who shifted herself right over beside him as tightly as she could get. Immediately, Sakura felt her face get hot and her shoulders tighten.

"This is a nice surprise, Kakashi-kun. Let me get you a cup and you can have some tea with us," Na purred, practically crawling over Kakashi to slide out from the table. She put her long fingers on his far shoulder and then ran them through the back of his hair while she asked, "The usual?" And then winked.

Sakura didn't like the way Na was looking at Kakashi and she suddenly felt like a third wheel. How much worse could things get today, she pondered as she dropped her eyes to her cup on the table. Normally, seeing him would bring unrestrained happiness, but after her deeds this morning at the hospital, she felt more like he was her disciplinarian.

"Ah," Kakashi replied to Na, looking slightly embarrassed.

Na trailed away with a happy backwards glance and Sakura knew it would only be for a moment. She waited for the scolding and wasn't disappointed when she looked up to find Kakashi's visible eye locking on hers.

"Tsunade sent me to find you," he mumbled, scratching at something under his mask. "She's upset."

"Do we have to talk about this now?" Sakura hissed quietly over the table. "I've had a bit of a shitty day."

"She asked around about what had happened on your shifts and got some answers. It'll be fine when you go back. The Hokage said she'd assign you to a different floor. You'll like it better," he mumbled absently, watching Na wander back to the table with a telling grin on her face, all for him.

"I'm not going back," Sakura grumbled, looking away from him while Na shifted back down beside Kakashi, slipping an arm around his shoulder to get close, practically sitting on his lap. She then poured a cup of tea for him with her other hand, and after setting the pot down, held his cup up as if offering him more than just a drink.

It all looked too intimate for Sakura and her lips tightened into a tense line. "You two know each other?" she asked with some forced pleasantness.

"We go _way _back," Na laughed confidently, relinquishing the cup in her hand to Kakashi, who set it straight down.

"I see," Sakura ground through closed teeth. Na's arm was slung around Kakashi's back and her fingers played softly with some of his hair along the nape of his neck.

"Kakashi, take your mask down for us. Sakura could use some cheering up," Na teased, running her fingers along the top of the fabric. She turned her pretty face to Sakura. "It takes quite a bit of work to get him to show you his face, Sakura, but when he does, it's worth it."

"Na..." Kakashi warned gently but it was too late.

Sakura's hands clenched so tightly, she almost punctured the skin. Her jaw hurt from gritting her teeth and she felt like she was ready to explode. Hot with jealousy, she stood up, grabbing up the kunai box and her white hospital coat a little too roughly. "I'll leave you two alone," she strained angrily while glancing at the couple cozied up on the other side. "You can tell Tsunade I won't be back." Then she took two steps towards the door.

"Just a second..." Kakashi said quietly, reaching out and catching Sakura's wrist before she could storm out. He'd had to reach behind Na to grab her and just that little fact made Sakura even angrier. "Don't you think we should talk about your actions today?"

She looked down at both people staring up at her intently and tried hard to articulate her disappointment. Her voice was unusually quiet, but no less angry. "I really needed more from you today than just a hand-slap, Kakashi. Now let go of me." She jerked her hand out Kakashi's grip and stomped out, feeling rejected and embarrassed.

Sakura flew out the Cafe door, not watching which direction she was going but just feeling the desperation to get away. Kakashi wasn't unaware of Sakura's feelings, so she felt even more betrayed by the fact that he'd let the woman crawl over him, touch him – right in front of her! Support was what she needed from him, not condescension and unwarranted disapproval. It was so much worse that he was the deliverer of that message, and the situation in which it was delivered made it sting painfully.

She believed if she could cry, she'd be sobbing by now.

Clearing the street, she cut through a park, stumbling in the darkness until she reached the next road. All the while, she mumbled to herself about damn ninja and their loose ways. She'd never forgive him for doing that to her – flirting with Na right there when she needed him. Why would he do that? It was like a deliberate attempt to push her away, make her hate him. He chose to sit with her, for goodness sake!

There was almost no one on the streets and Sakura continued to hurry along, gripping the box tightly to her chest, her white coat tucked tightly under her arm. When her own street came into view, she was minutely relieved and after flying into her apartment, she slammed the door shut so hard a picture fell off her wall.

As she tugged at her shoes, hopping a little and tossing them to the floor in an uncharacteristic lack of alignment, someone knocked at the door. Sakura couldn't possibly imagine it was Kakashi and that he'd followed her home as he seemed _busy, _so when she swung the door back open with narrowed eyes, she wasn't terribly surprised to find Ino standing there on her step. The anger left her face as if draining away.

"Hi," Sakura said apologetically, knowing what she must have looked like.

"Wow, you look pissed. I heard your door slam from down the street. What's wrong?" Ino asked, stepping into the apartment and grabbing Sakura by the shoulders.

Sakura opened her mouth to speak, ready to spill the whole horrible day, but looked at Ino's wide blue eyes and didn't want to burden her with the problems she was having. It wasn't fair and it wasn't going to help. "Want a drink?" Sakura sighed.

"You know I do," Ino laughed. "Then you'll tell me what's wrong, okay?"

With a perfunctory nod, Sakura mulled over to her small kitchen and put her white coat over a chair and the box on the table. Then she opened the cupboard over the fridge. A number of liquor bottles sat there shining with golden liquid and she raised her eyebrows at Ino in question.

"Go for the vodka," Ino sniffed, smirking a little.

And without hesitation, Sakura had the bottle out, followed by two glasses. "Orange juice?"

Ino shook her head, making her blond ponytail flip over her shoulder. "Just rocks. I'm a hardass," she laughed.

Dumping a couple of ice cubes in both glasses, Sakura wandered to the back of her apartment, holding them and the bottle, nodding to the window. "Roof?"

* * *

A light breeze blew across the rooftop and Ino was grateful for the long-sleeved jounin shirt that she almost never wore. It was a little too large on her, likely because it belonged to a man and she'd acquired it one morning after waking up to find all the buttons of her shirt scattered around his wooden floor. Definitely a night she'd never forget.

It had been a couple of days since she'd last seen Sakura. Their frantic search of the village made her feel like the worst friend possible because they'd left her there in the forest alone when they'd ran off. Stupid Naruto and his challenges. It was typical of them to rise to it when they were all drunk. No one was thinking straight.

She wanted to tell Sakura she was sorry, and that the last time they were all together, Sakura had won the run to the guard tower and back. It seemed like a million years ago that Sakura lived that life. The pink-haired medic had stood in front of the fire, victorious, and swigged the last bit of the whiskey from the bottle like a man on a bender. When she finished, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and said "ah!" like it was refreshing.

_This_ Sakura looked lost to Ino. Her face was so flushed and angry when she'd opened the door, but after she realized that it wasn't who she'd expected, her countenance shifted to sadness. Ino just wanted to hug Sakura and tell her that no matter what, everything would be the same, but it wasn't. It could never be the same until Sakura's memories came back.

"You've still got the chairs up here. Perfect!" Ino acknowledged, picking the closest one and falling into it. She gazed out at the illuminated Hokage mountain, the faces looking down on all the village and the shadows looming under their eyes. She'd brought up the glasses and bottle so that Sakura wouldn't have to climb the ladder with something in her hands. Ino had calmly walked up the side of the building and felt bad after as if she was showing off.

Sakura slumped into the other chair and reached for the glass next to it, holding it out as Ino poured some vodka into it.

"Okay. Spill it. You looked so pissed when you opened the door. I want details. Whose ass should I be kicking?" Ino snorted, trying so hard to lighten the mood. She was never one for depression or wallowing in self-pity. Really, Sakura never was either.

"I appreciate the offer, Ino, but it's complicated. I think I'm getting mad about things I have no right to be mad about," Sakura mumbled, sipping her vodka and hissing a little with the burn on her tongue.

"I can't tell you if you're right or wrong unless you tell me," the blond prodded, her eyebrows raised.

Sakura shook her head as if clearing some annoying thoughts away. "Sasuke thought you'd know the personal stuff about me. Can you...tell me who I've slept with?"

"What?" Ino laughed, but when she glanced at her friend, she saw Sakura's mouth tighten. "S..sorry. I just didn't expect that question."

"It wasn't easy to ask," Sakura whispered.

"Sorry," Ino said again, more sincerely. "What brought this on?"

"I had a memory flash yesterday. I get this horrible pain in my head and then I see things. I just want to know if what I saw was the whole story," Sakura said, almost too eager for information.

Ino turned to look out at the lights again, wondering exactly what to tell Sakura. She'd known her a long time, longer than any of her team, but there were things that Ino believed Sakura didn't even confide in her.

"I know you aren't a virgin, Sakura. And I know that something happened with Sasuke that made you have a falling out with him. You never told me you slept with him, but there were things you said a long time ago that made me wonder if there wasn't something sexual that happened."

"Like what?" Sakura jolted up in her chair right to the edge to stare at Ino.

"Well, you mentioned that he kissed you...too roughly. And...you said he wasn't gentle...or patient."

"Shit," Sakura mumbled, slumping back in her chair and taking a long drink of the vodka, hissing again from the taste. She looked dejected, almost mortified.

Trying quickly to make her feel better, Ino rambled,"You never said you had intercourse with him, Sakura. It could have just been a little foreplay. Maybe it was a drunken kiss, or maybe it was..."

"Well, if I'm not a virgin, then who was I sleeping with?"

Ino shrugged. "You didn't really tell me. I always suspected that you and Naruto had actually had sex when you were younger. It was almost impossible to separate you and there was a bond that no one else had with you. You never told me yes or no on that one either. But it was like you two had the same emotions all the time. We've talked about the sex we've had once or twice, Sakura. But we're ninja. Secrets don't come out of us that easily. You never gave me any names."

Sakura finished her drink and grabbed the bottle, pouring another glass right up to the top.

Ino sighed, "I'm sorry, sweetie. I just don't have the answers you want. I wish I did."

"What about Kakashi?" Sakura said evenly, taking another long drink and staring out over the rooftop to some distant tree or perhaps a star above the wall top. She looked forlorn.

Ino felt a small shock at the query and her body instantly tensed. It was another question that she wasn't prepared for. Turning to stare at her fellow kunoichi, Ino found it difficult to find words.

"Ino?" Sakura asked steadily, finally turning to look at her with a flat stare

"You were serious the other night about wanting him..." Ino remarked quietly, locking eyes with Sakura's intense green ones. "Weren't you?"

"I think I'm in love with him," Sakura sighed and sank against the chair back.

"I really don't know about that at all. But if you were sleeping with him, you wouldn't tell anyone. He used to be your team-leader and he's much older than you. I don't think Tsunade would approve either." Ino stood up and paced the roof slowly, the breeze blowing strands of her hair across her face. "You had such a strange relationship with him. You'd always go see him when you got back from missions before seeing anyone else, but then sometimes when you'd see him outside of that, in the street or at HQ, you'd completely ignore him."

"I don't understand." Sakura rubbed her temples and closed her eyes. She looked like she wanted to cry, but Ino found that this Sakura never cried - even when things were so hard to take and she seemed frustrated.

Ino walked over to Sakura and crouched beside her, lifting the medic's empty glass out of her hand and placing it on the small table between the chairs. "If there was anything there, you'd have hidden it from us all. Sasuke and Tsunade wouldn't approve. They wouldn't see it as something they'd expect either of you to do. It's not a big deal to be with an older man or anything, but it's you, Sakura. You're like theirs to protect. Tsunade sees you as a daughter and Sasuke sees you as his, even though you hate him. Only Naruto would understand because he'd want you to be happy – _if _Kakashi could make you happy. He doesn't really seem like the relationship type."

"What about you?" Sakura asked, leaning forward and grabbing Ino's wrist. Her eyes were wide, and Ino wondered if she'd said too much or too little. "What would you think?" she whispered.

"Me? I'd just want full details. He's probably great in bed." With a smile and a wink, Ino laughed but it was only half-hearted.

Sakura leaned forward and caught her in a tight hug. "Thanks," she whispered, and Ino hugged her back just as tightly.

As much as Ino wanted to, she just couldn't tell her that she thought her friend was in for heartache with the path she was choosing. But if it would make her happy, Ino would always root for it to work out.

* * *

I'm sorry on the delay on this. I re-wrote it probably 4 times with different people showing up at her apartment in the end. I've got the story where I need it to be so there shouldn't be too many more chapters. Thanks for reading. I didn't get a chance to answer the reviews, and I apologize. Thanks for all your wonderful and supportive comments.

More much sooner this time.


	8. Secrets Kept

Chapter 8

Secrets Kept

* * *

"You're going to what?" Sakura hissed.

"Shock it out of you," Naruto said with less enthusiasm than the first time.

With obvious, extreme hesitation, Sakura chewed on her thumbnail and started to pace around the clearing which appeared to have become the site of her impending death. "What do you mean by shock?" she asked quietly, suddenly frightened and thinking that going home would be the right choice right about then.

"When I needed to learn how to bring out my chakra, my old sensei...shocked it out of me," Naruto seemed to hear what he was saying and realized that it shouldn't be such a happy subject.

"Define shock." Sakura stopped her pacing and stared at him with one raised eyebrow.

"Well...he..._pushedmeoffacliff_, but I'm fine and it worked!"

"No," she hissed, turning and starting her walk back to normalcy via the opposite direction. "No way, no," she continued as she stomped out of the clearing and down the road, not even bothering to look back to see if he was following.

Naruto had just shown up out of the blue that morning, banging on the door and shouting about a great idea and how much she'd love it when her chakra was back. She'd just spent an hour working on how to get the wooden box with the carved top that she found in the trunk open. She hadn't found the key but the lock looked unusual. Picking it with a knife didn't work either. In her frustration, she was happy to get out for an hour with a friend, but thought better of it now.

_Sorry, Naruto,_ she thought to herself, _I'd rather have my life...as pitiful as it was right now..._

"Sa – koo-raaa - chaannn?" She could hear him making a last effort to get her back, but it wasn't happening. She'd rather skip the chakra than fall to her death today, thank you. It was probably getting near time for her to slink over to see the Hokage anyway. Naruto's second message was to get her ass over to Hokage tower for some explaining by mid-morning.

She trudged along, finding herself at the end of Kakashi's street, knowing it eventually led to Hokage tower – although so did the other three streets. So feeling it might be better to avoid him for now – hoping he'd feel punished but figuring he wouldn't care that much – Sakura took the long way around.

He said for her not to tempt him, didn't he? So what right did she have to him? What right did she have to be angry if another woman touched him?

Well...she was truly angry...right or not.

* * *

Hokage tower was pretty intimidating for Sakura and she wished she'd dressed better than just a t-shirt and jeans with flip flops. It felt a little like trudging uphill to a battle, but when she arrived, Tsunade was apologetic and motherly. Why had she expected anything else? Seems the Hokage had asked around at the hospital and was quite aware of the nurse' dislike for the young medics. It appeared that she thought them too green to be in charge and took the opportunity to act out some passive-aggressive feelings on Sakura.

Strange to pick such an occupation working amongst them, Sakura thought ruefully.

Tsunade offered a daily position at a civilian clinic nearer to her apartment and Sakura jumped at it. At least this time she'd get to actually deal with patients. She'd be doing some general practitioning, writing prescriptions and some minor diagnosing. It was enough to make things seem a little brighter from the completely dark day she'd had the day before.

On the way home, after escaping near-death with Naruto, and then the offer of the clinic, Sakura's step had a slight spring to it. Things were looking up.

"Haruno Sakura-san?" a voice said nearby and Sakura's blissful wander down the road stopped. Her head snapped in the voice's direction and she found herself taking a step back.

"It _is _you," Tsutanai Ito drawled happily from under the overhang of a jewelry shop. His grin was wide and his lanky body looked skinny in his suit. Before she could stop him, he was trotting over, carrying an umbrella and a newspaper under his arm.

"Morning," Sakura mumbled, remembering what Kakashi had said about going the other way.

"I'd tried to find you after the memorial service but I had some business back at my rooms," he said congenially, winking. "I wondered if we could talk for a moment?"

"I'm just meeting up with a friend so I haven't time," Sakura lied. "Maybe another time, Tsutanai-san."

"Please, please, don't be so formal with me Sakura." He waved his hand, dismissing the honorific. "It would just take a moment, really. I think I can help you...with your memory difficulty."

"What do you mean?" Sakura mumbled, looking around to see if anyone was in the vicinity so she could use them as an excuse.

"Let's just take a moment to go to my rooms and we can talk," he added, pointing across the street to the hotel. "It's the penthouse suite. It's very comfortable and private."

"I'm sorry, I...Ito, I really can't," she said hurriedly, turning her head this way and that to try and find some distraction to blame on her need to dart away.

"No no, _I'm _sorry," he said quietly, leaning a little closer. "But I really must..._insist_," he hissed softly and Sakura turned and met his eyes.

Actually, she found she couldn't look away...

* * *

Ino felt refreshed after a full night's sleep, which she seldom got. Having her unique talents and strengths, as well as the confidence of any ANBU, she was called upon at all hours to come and help with information gathering and espionage. She'd never complain though. She was respected, although not by everyone yet, and her skills were in demand. One day she would run the elites.

She took a moment to stop by Sakura's apartment to find no one there. After bumping into Naruto, she discovered that Sakura had wisely opted for life instead of death at his hands and was off to a meeting at Hokage tower. Of course, a guard at the tower informed her that Sakura had left fifteen minutes prior and the chase began.

If she just moved from the Hokage tower to Sakura's apartment, employing a little chakra and the rooftops, she was sure to find her. The sky was overcast and it looked and smelled like rain, but thankfully, so far it had held off so the rooftops were dry – perfect for moving fast.

Nearing the village hotel, Ino stopped on the rooftop of the cigarette shop next door and that's when her eyes had caught sight of the pink hair. Unfortunately, the situation wasn't what she'd expected.

A man in a pin-striped western suit, lanky and older, was walking Sakura to the hotel. Ino didn't like it for one minute. Who the hell was that guy and why was he taking her anywhere?

Sauntering over, Ino called out to her. But when she didn't turn, the blond hurried over and grabbed Sakura's arm. "Hey, where are you going?"

Sakura's glazed green eyes snapped up to Ino's face and she creased her brow. "S...sorry, Ino. I was just out of it there... Where you saying something, Ito?"

"Oh, no. This must be the friend you were meeting," he laughed nervously.

"Damn straight it is. What the hell are you doing going in the hotel?" Ino bit out.

"Uh...I didn't realize we were so close to the door. I wasn't going in," Sakura mumbled, looking at the place where she thought she'd met up with the man. "I've got a bit of a headache."

Ito leaned closer to the blond. "Sakura and I were just talking and I think we just wandered near the hotel. That's what happens when you get caught up in a good conversation." He smiled happily at Ino who creased her brow suspiciously at him.

"Let's go, Sakura," Ino mumbled, tugging her away by the elbow and watching the man with blatant mistrust. Her sleazeball sense was tingling.

* * *

Ino wandered into the entrance of the tea house, still holding onto Sakura's arm and dragging her along bodily. Waitresses flitted by and Na came into view at the back of the room. Obviously it was her job to host and Sakura felt a pang of regret for coming on Ino's insistence.

"Let's go somewhere else," Sakura mumbled, watching Na approach wearing a gorgeous rust coloured silk kimono with white peonies along the hem, and a black obi with gold leaves. Na's face was less than happy to see them when she approached.

"Back again, are we?" she said through tight teeth and a fake smile. She waved them in and Sakura felt suddenly out of place and wanted to run for the door. Why the harsh turn around in Na's personality was a mystery. Sakura was sure that she was probably happy to get rid of her to have Kakashi all to herself the day before, and up until then, she was quite nice.

Na directed them into a booth with tatami mats and a low table and then turned and stomped away.

"What's her problem?" Ino scoffed, getting comfortable and looking at the small list of teas and cakes that was on the table.

"Me, I guess. I was in here yesterday and she was so nice, then Kakashi came in and she was all over him."

"_Really_?" Ino half-laughed. "Kakashi must have been mortified."

"No. He seemed a little embarrassed but didn't stop her. She practically fell in his lap and he let her," Sakura grumbled, feeling the indignation rise again in her stomach. Really, she didn't want to think about him at all.

"Na's a big flirt. It keeps the men coming in. The waitresses are the same. Kakashi is probably used to it and wouldn't embarrass her by telling her to get lost in front of you. I see him here a lot. He's always kicking his feet up along with Genma and reading his dirty books," Ino smirked.

"She said she's seen his face," Sakura added, snapping the tea list down on the table.

"Pfft, she's probably bullshitting. Rumor is that he's hot under there, but not many who have seen it are still alive to tell so it doesn't matter. I can't imagine Naggy Na has ever seen it. I mean, he doesn't show anyone. How is some tea house owner...and no...I'm more than sure he's never slept with her," Ino added, obviously because Sakura's brow was getting tighter and tighter over her eyes.

"I've seen it," Sakura added, thinking on what Ino said.

"Oh yeah! I forgot. What does he look like?" Ino practically shouted, snapping her hands on the table and leaning forward.

"He's really attractive. He has a nice smile," Sakura said distantly, her focus was just not on the conversation anymore.

"Did you two decide?" Na said with forced pleasantness, suddenly standing at the booth again.

"Uh, green tea and bring us some rum cream cakes too, please," Ino said happily. "Oh, and Na? Have you ever really seen Kakashi's face? Sakura mentioned you said you had. What does he look like?"

Na's mouth creased into tight line line. "Of course I haven't seen it. No one has. Rum cakes and tea then?" Na said matter-of-factly, giving Sakura an unpleasant look. Then she turned and walked away before Ino could interrogate more.

"Ug, she's such a bitch sometimes. I told you. She does that with all the men. Kakashi looked embarrassed because he was. Seems he's a gentleman too. Sasuke would have pushed her off him," Ino laughed, suddenly quite taken with the mental picture of that. "She's probably pissed at you because somehow she must have gotten the impression that he preferred you over her...maybe? He could have told her off after you left – which is likely."

Minutely, Sakura felt better. She'd gotten so worked up on the implications of another woman seeing Kakashi's face that she couldn't even bring herself to go and see him. Of course, he still deserved her anger because he wasn't supportive when she needed him to be. All along he was there for her, but yesterday she felt scolded, and in the presence of Na, snubbed.

"Hey, what was going on with that skinny old guy?" Ino leaned over the table a little and tapped a finger in front of Sakura to get her attention. "Do you know him?"

"That's Tsutanai Ito. It was his documents that I apparently hid before the beating that did this to me," Sakura replied quietly, lightly touching her temple. "He's pretty adamant about getting them back."

"Oh _him_... You really looked glazed. If he wasn't a protected guest of the Hokage, I might have suspected he was using a jutsu on you to lead you to the hotel. Do me a favor and steer clear of him if you see him again."

Sakura nodded – experiencing a little deja-vu. She would definitely not make the same mistake of getting caught up in a conversation with him again, no matter what. Even if she wasn't a ninja anymore, she could spot someone up to no good from a mile away.

Na came back with the tea and almost dropped the pot on the table. The cakes were shoved in front of the two women and when she left, Sakura and Ino couldn't help but laugh.

"Guess she doesn't want a tip."

The day was really shaping up to be a decent one.

* * *

Sakura stared a the wooden box sitting on her kitchen table and the bent knife laying next to it. She drank her sweet tea from the red mug and sighed heavily between sips. There had to be something important in that box. It was beautiful and the wood was so soft, but strangely strong enough to keep her out. The lock was round and only had a hole in it instead of a shaped keyhole. She'd tried poking everything from a chopstick to the end of a pen in it. Nothing seemed to work.

Putting her chin on the table, she stared at it, contemplating that a drop from the top of the Hokage tower might be the answer.

And that's when the knock startled her. She wasn't expecting anyone for at least another hour, and it wasn't Naruto because it didn't sound like a pounding fist someone was trying to put through the wood. Thankful for the distraction, Sakura got up and went to the door, opening it to find the least likely person. "Sa...Sasuke...?"

"Sakura," he said back smoothly, glancing into the apartment. "Ino said she got sidetracked and wanted one of us to come and get you." His eyes glazed over her outfit of jeans and a t-shirt and his mouth twitched. "Did you forget?"

"No," Sakura mumbled. "Is something wrong with what I'm wearing? It's just the bar, right?"

Sasuke waved it off dismissively, obviously not interested or caring exactly what she wore. Sakura assumed that her recent preference for dresses must have confused him. But going to the bar with a group of friends might prequel a walk home in the wee hours of the morning so she'd rather be prepared this time. Lately, she'd felt more like comfort anyway.

Without waiting to be invited, Sasuke brushed past her and stood in the kitchen, staring at the wooden box on the table and the red mug beside it. "What are _you_ doing with _that_?"

"Having tea," Sakura scoffed, closing the door and wandering back inside to see what he was looking at.

"No, the box."

"Oh! Do you know how to open it? I've been picking at it forever and it hasn't budged. I can't get the lock open, the hinges off, or even make a proper gouge in the wood." Sakura wandered over and picked the box up, shaking it to hear something hitting the sides with dull thuds. "I was thinking of dropping it off something high."

"It's a chakra box. They're pretty rare and virtually indestructable."

"I was afraid you'd say that. How does it open?" Sakura set it down and shook her head, almost knowing what he was going to say.

"Only your chakra can open it. The entire box is reinforced with chakra and it's impossible to be opened by anyone other than the person who opened it the first time with their chakra...which was most likely you. They are for keeping...secrets." Sasuke hesitated and then catching Sakura's eye, he shrugged, uncaring. "You won't be able to open it without chakra so you might as well put it away. Any idea where you got it from?"

"Couldn't I just have bought it?"

Sasuke crossed his arms and his his lip twitched impatiently. "I doubt you've been anywhere near where these are made. I haven't either. They're rare and expensive. Whoever gave you this would have lugged it for days to bring it here."

"Really? How the hell can I open it without chakra?" she whined, desperate to see what secrets she was keeping inside especially after the revelation of how exceptional it was. She'd have to ask Naruto if he got it for her, as it sounded pretty important.

"Looks like you're S.O.L."

"Damn it," Sakura hissed, pushing it to the other side of the table and picking up the mug to put in the sink. "All right. Let me grab a sweater and we'll go. It's been threatening to rain all day."

Sasuke nodded coolly and returned to wait by the door. Sakura didn't find it completely uncomfortable, but whenever she saw him now, her mind would return to the picture of them in her bed, his hands working at her clothes. Thankfully, she hadn't blushed in front of him and he had no idea she knew anyway. Sasuke seemed to keep emotion at a minimum and not expect any from anyone else so it was easier. She doubted he'd really care whether she knew or not, to be honest.

Grabbing up a red zippered sweatshirt, she tied it around her waist and wandered back out. When Sasuke saw her, he opened the door.

* * *

The pub was crowded, moreso than it was last time, and until Ino shouted that it was the Jounin exam celebration that night, Sakura was dismayed to see people like the Hokage in there.

Almost everyone she'd met since waking up in the hospital was there. Her eyes drifted over the faces, seeing Genma, Hinata, Shizune and even most of the nine with the exception of Choji and Shino. For the first two hours, she and Ino sat at a table and drank, a little too heavily with some of those friends. Something about when Naruto and Sasuke got together with Shikamaru told her that they wouldn't be going home sober. It was almost a challenge on who could drink the most – like some masculine game of _who's better_.

Of course, it was always Naruto who won. Booze never seemed to affect him like everyone else.

After the third hour, the room was warm and Ino couldn't help but get up and dance. Sakura wasn't really in the mood to dance and so she stayed at the corner table, her gaze drifting over the crowd. She shouldn't have been surprised when her eyes found Kakashi standing by the bar with some other Jounin. Genma was there as well and leaned close to him. They had some empty and full shot glasses between all of them.

Sakura couldn't take her eyes off Kakashi once she'd seen him. She wanted to stomp over and shout at him, but what good would that do? Of course, she still wanted to punish him – in her mind at least.

Instead of running to him like she wanted to do, she tried to get up and make her way over to the hallway that held the washrooms but Kiba was already there, heading her off. Her feet had carried her clumsily and his hand went out to steady her as she swayed with intoxication in an attempt to get around him.

"Hi," he slurred, his eyes half-mast. "You know, Sakura, you can look good in _anything._" His gaze drifted up and down her body as his hands managed to cage her in against the hallway wall. He grinned a little and she could see an elongated eye-tooth.

"Kiba," she half-laughed. "I need to get to the washroom. Watch out, will you?"

"I could smell you from across the room, Sakura," he purred in her ear, leaning against her, suddenly nibbling on her lobe and making her gasp from shock and the small bit of dismay that it actually felt good. How lonely was she?

"I'm a little drunk, Kiba. Please don't..." Sakura pleaded weakly.

"Hey you!" a familiar voice said from behind Kiba and then a heavy hand grabbed him by the neck and pulled him off Sakura. "Come with me," Genma said as if scolding a child he caught misbehaving. Kiba looked shocked and it made Sakura almost laugh as Genma dragged him away by the scruff of his neck.

She looked up behind where Genma had just been to see Kakashi standing there. "You okay?" he asked, walking closer.

"I can handle Kiba," she scoffed.

"Is that what you were doing?" Kakashi said coolly.

Sakura's knees felt weak and she was suddenly frightened that she'd scare him away with her anger so she tried to calm down. Just seeing him made her tense and excited, but still conflicted with the previous day's goings on. Being drunk didn't help either as she just wanted to be near him, just like that night in his apartment. She could remember his tight thigh under her hand and his soft lips as hers brushed against his. She'd give anything to be that close right then.

"Can we talk for a second?" she asked as she took the last step over to him and tugged a little on his sleeve. She was desperate for some emotion from him and would force it out of him if she had to.

* * *

How could Kakashi resist when her glazed and drunken gaze was staring up at him like that. All the warning signals were there; she was touching him, her eyes roving over his chest and shoulders then back to his eye. Knowing he was probably as drunk as she was should have been the first hint that he should just tell her he'd see her tomorrow or any other time but now.

But watching Kiba nibbling on her ear and seeing her pitiful resistance, he couldn't stop himself, or Genma from interfering. He didn't like someone touching her like that, even though he knew if he was going to push her to stop throwing herself at him, he'd have to let her be with someone eventually.

Obviously he wasn't prepared to have trouble with that.

Now she was smiling half-cocked and inebriated, touching him softly and asking to talk. He knew it wouldn't be just talk. How many times had he had to stop himself from going to see her, knowing it would encourage her? Well, this was another little test he was going to fail. And because he lacked inhibitions due to the alcohol, he would fail miserably.

"I was...really uspet yesterday," she slurred softly as they moved away from his group a few steps, and then she moved in front of him toe to toe, just too closely to be thought of as a stance a friend would take. From there he could smell her hair through the smokey and stagnant scent of the pub.

"I know. I'm sorry," he said quickly, just wanting to get it out of the way. "Na is...energetic and I shouldn't have let her behave like that. Actually it's the first time she's done that to me. I'm with Genma a lot and he's usually her target."

"Ah," she said quietly, her fingers finding their way to his vest where she stuck a finger in a pocket. "And...well..."

"I know, you needed me to be more of a friend yesterday," he added, hating to do this in a bar. "I'm sorry about that too."

"Thank you," she said softly, a smile across her pink lips.

She forgave him easily. Even if he lied to her and she knew it, she'd forgive him. Maybe tomorrow she'd find her anger or whatever she was feeling before drinking again, but tonight he could see all that she was thinking in the way she looked at him.

Kakashi couldn't help himself when he found his eye unable to move from those soft pink lips, slick and shiny – the cherry scent of her lip gloss testing his resolve with their closeness.

"Why do you do that?" Sakura mumbled and stared up at him with a sleepy looking gaze. Kakashi's eye flicked to hers, aware that he'd been caught staring.

Sakura stepped closer, until all he had to do was put an arm around her and they'd be in an embrace. She pressed her body up against his, her face angled up toward him. As of yet, he still hadn't convinced his body to back away. Truth be told, he didn't want to.

"What?" he whispered.

"Why do you look at my mouth all the time? What is it you like so much about it? Other men look at my hair and legs, even my breasts...but not you," she hummed, laying her temple against his jawline, then tipping her head up so that her cheek was there instead.

"Sakura..." he warned, but there was no real threat behind it. He knew he couldn't enforce it and hoped she'd just listen for once.

"What do you like about them, Kakashi?" she breathed, standing on her tiptoes to put her mouth near his ear. He could feel her moving against him, her hands using his hips for balance. Then a hand slid under his vest, under his shirt, and her nails grazed the skin along his lower-back.

Kakashi closed his eye and made a small noise in response, unable to stop himself from enjoying her touch and unable to convince himself it was time to end it. _Damn alcohol. _

"Tell me about my mouth. What is it you imagine my pretty mouth doing to you...?" she breathed against his ear. "Where do you imagine me putting my lips?"

Kakashi stiffened against her, frightened by his own inability to resist something like that whispered in his ear. He wanted to take her up on it, tell her where he'd like her mouth. He wanted to slip her out the back door and toss her on his bed, pulling the clothes from her body and using his own mouth to convince her to moan his name.

But her words returned to him the day she left on that mission. _"Let's just keep out of each others __lives, hm? I'm just another person you are scared to lose and you're just another crutch for me. I don't need a crutch and you don't want to be more than that."_ And then she'd slapped his hand off her arm.

If he took her now, to his apartment or hers, when her memories came back she would be angry at him and accuse him of taking advantage of her memory loss. And he was too drunk right now to really be making an informed decision on what was best for her.

"You have to stop," he finally mumbled, though it wasn't very forceful.

"Why? You like it, don't you?" she whispered against his clothed mouth.

Kakashi grabbed her shoulders and held her back from him, bowing his head and composing himself for a second. "Yes...I do," he strained. "I'm drunk and you're drunk so it's not going to happen."

"You know, I'm so tired of you resisting. My memories might never come back and I just want to get on with life...with you. But I won't wait forever, you know. I'm so lonely, Kakashi," she sighed, creasing her brow.

He hated that he couldn't respond to it, as much as he wanted to. It was hard to hear that she was lonely, but it wasn't a surprise. "I have a mission tomorrow and I'll be gone for three days. Can you not do anything impulsive until then? We can talk more when I'm back. Now is just not the right time to hash this out," Kakashi sighed, finding himself thinking she would misinterpret his words, but not caring really if she did. He needed to be sober to deal with her, and he needed to at least be out of the reach of her lips and fingers.

Sakura nodded, but he found that she couldn't look back up at him. He was sure she wasn't crying because she seemed to have an inability to cry, but it didn't mean she wasn't upset enough to.

"Three days, all right?" He let go of her shoulders and she nodded again, still staring at her feet.

* * *

Genma couldn't stand much anymore. He wasn't a huge fan of the bar scene; he felt like he was getting a little too old for it. Had the weather cooperated lately, he would have loved to just have a drink on his large back deck with a few good friends between missions. The loud music and excessive drinking was for the kids, really. But it was the Jounin celebration and it was an insult not to attend if he wasn't on a mission. It was the same reason Kakashi was there, and Gai and somewhere else Kurenai, although he knew she probably just wanted to get home to her son.

But there was a little bit of entertainment with watching Kakashi do his damnedest to try and push the medic away. Genma knew it would come to a point where his old friend would finally give in or the gorgeous young girl would move on. She was young, but he was handsome so there was no telling which way it would go. He was betting on Sakura wearing him down though, if he really had to put money on it.

Sakura looked depressed and so Genma could surmise that Kakashi had won the battle _this time_– probably because he'd been drinking. Most men were pretty lax on rules when drinking, and even though Kakashi thought he was, and pretended he was, he really wasn't.

Genma could remember when Kakashi was a boy and how stoic and rigid he was before the war. Yes, he'd had a huge personality change after Obito was killed, but that rule-monger still resided in those lazy slouches somewhere.

Sauntering over to the couple who seemed to be fighting the inevitable, Genma grabbed Sakura's hand and when her shocked face looked up from where she was staring at the floor, it made him laugh.

"Come on, kid. I haven't danced in ages," Genma shot at her and tugged, not really giving her a chance to object. He also couldn't help the smirk at Kakashi's widened eye. He really hoped he'd interrupted something there. It wasn't like Shiranui Genma to interfere just when it was convenient.

"I don't feel like dancing," Sakura mumbled as he slid an arm around her waist, and pulled her hand up in his.

He tugged her tight against him. "I'm older than you so it's my choice."

"That makes no sense." She shook her head and tried not to laugh. After a moment of swaying, and with a heavy sigh, she gave in and allowed him to lead, glancing at Kakashi who had turned his back and joined a conversation with some other elites.

"If you keep staring, you'll burn a hole in the back of his shirt," he laughed.

"Sorry," she said quickly and huffed out a little breath. "I'm just...out of options, I guess. Even when drinking he pushes me away. Is the idea of being with me so hard to swallow? Really? Would you turn me down, Genma? "

"That's a hard offer to turn down for anyone, Sakura." He shook his head a little. "And I'd love to take you up on it, but truth is, Kakashi would kill me."

"No he wouldn't. He doesn't want me," she sighed.

Genma tightened his hand on hers and stopped their movement to make her look up at him. He put his thumb on her chin and gently held her face up. "Is that what he told you?" he smirked.

Her eyes widened and Genma felt like he'd gotten the reaction he wanted so he started dancing again, pretending to be oblivious to her surprise. "You know, that guy has a tough shell. But if anyone can crack it, it's you. If he really didn't want you, he'd be much more forceful. I actually thought you were going to get your way tonight." He shrugged a little as he looked at the wide eyes that searched his face for a lie.

She was quiet for a moment and then she slid her hand from his and slipped it around his waist to hug him tightly, burying her face in his shoulder. "Thank you," she whispered into his vest so quietly against the music that he almost didn't hear it.

"No problem, kid. Just give him some time to come around. He never rushes."

Sakura nodded against his shoulder and then backed up a little. Her eyes scanned the room and rested on Kakashi again, but this time she didn't look as forlorn. But then she caught sight of someone else and she stiffened as if jolted by something.

Genma creased his brow. "What's up?" he asked curiously.

"There's someone I need to go talk to, Genma. I'm sorry to leave you on the dancefloor..."

"It's fine. I'm going to have one more drink and head home. Too old for the bar."

Sakura half-smiled at him and then came in for one more tight hug around his neck this time. "I can't tell you how much I needed to hear that from someone. I really was ready to give up."

"I could tell," he laughed softly, then let her go.

Sakura nodded a good-bye with a sincere thank you and darted through the crowd.

Genma became acutely interested as to who else besides Kakashi could command her attention like that.

And as he wandered back over to Kakashi, he caught sight of her talking quietly and closely with a young man...

"Is that Hyuuga Neji?" Genma asked Kakashi who was also watching the couple talking.

"Hm," Kakashi said evenly.

"She's a pretty girl. I don't think she's going to chase an old man like you forever, you know," Genma goaded, slipping up onto a bar stool and nudging Kakashi in the ribs lightly. "He's a good looking kid. She'll probably take him home tonight since you blew her off."

"I can't stop her if she does. She doesn't really want me. She just doesn't know it yet."

"That's noble," Genma sniffed. "You're going to hell, right? You know this, don't you? She's going to hate you either way when her memories come back whether you give in or not. You can't win."

Kakashi took a deep breath. "Hm."

Genma watched Kakashi's eyes follow Sakura all the way to the door of the bar and out - to both their dismay - accompanied by Hyuuga Neji.

"Wow. I'm dying to know exactly what she said to him," Genma laughed while Kakashi turned away.

* * *

Thanks to Icarust and Tsukashi for read throughs. Sorry if there are any mistakes in there. Thanks for the wonderful supportive comments!!

I hope to have the next out within the week and then maybe 2 more after that. Again, thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed.


	9. Secrets Revealed

Chapter 9 – Secrets Revealed

Last chapter, Sasuke said she was "S.O.L" I didn't realize that some people might not know what that meant. I figured it was a common expression but maybe it's Canadian. lol. It means "Shit out of luck." Now go and use it in a sentence. Haha

* * *

"That's a chakra box," Neji said quietly as he and Sakura stepped inside her apartment, slick with dampness from the drizzle they'd run through to get there. His white eyes were trained on the wooden box still sitting on the table and Sakura figured there was no point asking him about it because she had no chakra to open it.

She slipped off her shoes and darted to the bathroom cupboard to grab two of her best towels, hurrying back to hand one to Neji. "I really appreciate that you left the party to come and try this again. I hope I didn't steal you away from anything," she mumbled, rubbing a towel through her hair as Neji did the same.

"I'm not fond of the pub. But since it was the Jounin celebration, I had to go. You probably did me a favour," Neji responded calmly, dabbing the towel on his shirt and then giving up and handing it back.

With a timid wave of her hand, Sakura directed Neji to the loveseat and tossed both towels over a kitchen chair. "Tea?" she asked, feeling like she should be a good host. Wandering into the kitchen, she flicked on her overhead light, making Neji squint for a second before he adjusted to it.

"Let's just get started," Neji said evenly, glancing around at her pictures and the knickknacks she had here and there that became evident in the light.

There shouldn't have been anything nerve wracking about doing this again, but Neji had that sort of personality. He was so much like Sasuke in the lack of emotion and the air of power, but something about Neji was less intimidating – perhaps his good looks or his willingness to go along with the plan. He'd even smirked and made a joke the first time she'd met him. And to be honest, she was still feeling the effects of the alcohol so nerves weren't that much of a problem. She supposed the drinks were the reason she had the courage to ask him to come to her apartment in the middle of the night in the first place.

To anyone watching them leave, their exit together probably looked pretty provocative, but what did Sakura care about what anyone thought? She barely knew any of them.

"Sit down in case you fall again," Neji directed, sitting down on one side of the loveseat and turning his body so he'd face her.

As requested, Sakura sat down on the plush sofa and their knees touched. Neji, being no time-waster, leaned forward and again put his left hand behind her neck. "I want to hold you steady so I don't hurt you," he added as his eyes infused with chakra, puffing into veiny lines.

Sakura could only nod. And when the fingers of his right hand began to glow blue in the dim light of the apartment, she sucked in a breath in anticipation, just loud enough for Neji to look up and meet her eyes, but not to stop. His fingers darted at her chest, tapping something she couldn't see or feel. Tenketsu, he'd called them, like little gates he could manipulate to open or shut the chakra highway. That small pin of chakra must be in the highway somewhere, she'd reasoned, and that's why it had worked last time.

And it then came with his gentle touches, the rush of pain through her head and eyes, spiking like lightning bolts through her brain. She gasped and her breath hitched as she lost her balance, feeling herself held against the couch by his strong hands.

"Breath through it," he said gently.

And then the vivid memories poured out – her mother when Sakura was a child as they hung out laundry, looking younger than she could have imagined, Ino jumping on Sasuke's back and laughing loudly, Kakashi chuckling at her as she, Sasuke and Naruto sat on a rooftop somewhere, looking younger too. And then bits and pieces of missions came, strange enemies, fights and blood. And then it stopped.

For a few moments, she composed herself and when she could breathe and look up at Neji's calm face, she nodded and said, "Again please, Neji."

He hesitated, then slipped his fingers around her neck and hit a few different areas closing up other things. Sakura's head began to hurt as it felt like tiny bubbles bursting under her skin, but it wasn't as bad as last time and she even managed to stay in a sitting position just clenching her fists, although squeezing her eyes shut from the flashes. She remembered the name of her first pet, and a teacher named Iruka. She remembered tripping drunkenly along her street carrying the red mug, sloshing coffee onto the ground. She remembered the name of the girl at the Ichiraku and the name of the dish that Kakashi always ordered there. Then it stopped.

She opened her eyes and looked at Neji, who was quite calm and even. "Please...again," she urged.

With a slight nod of his head, he flexed the fingers around the back of her neck, but not as tightly this time. Again his fingers were blue and he touched a number of places, and then continued, retouching the areas he'd just touched.

Nothing happened.

"What's wrong," she mumbled, obvious disappointment to her tone.

"I closed your tenketsu the first time, then closed a few more the second. I reopened them and tried again but it seems we've exhausted any pressure that could be built up. I still see no chakra in your system as you aren't producing any, but the sliver in your brain is smaller by half. I assume that this is what is causing your memory loss and is blocking your memory centres from firing, perhaps?" Neji began to get up off the small sofa. "I'm curious as to how that chakra got in there and hardened."

"That's it, then?" she asked nervously, worried she was pushing him but not wanting to give up so easily.

"For now, Sakura. If we give it a couple of days, the pressure might rebuild. I'm thinking that your body isn't producing chakra, but is trying to, and that's why there is pressure in your highway. We'll try again after my mission in about four days if you want." Neji smiled a little, and Sakura smiled back.

"Thank you," she whispered, feeling full of memories and emotions that she was desperate to explore.

"You already said that," he smirked. "I don't mind. I'll tell Naruto when I'm back and he'll keep us in touch."

Sakura walked him to the door, still smiling, but not as widely. She could hardly return his "good-night" because her mind was flying in different directions. When she shut the door, she went to the sink to get some water and aspirin. A lingering headache that never seemed to go away anymore nagged and throbbed, making her wonder if she'd actually sleep tonight.

With the memories this time came awareness. When she saw Iruka, she knew he was her teacher at the academy and that he was nice. She couldn't pinpoint any other instances they'd spoken or he'd taught her, but it was there. Feelings for her mother became more vivid and she knew that the cat she'd had as a child had run away. It was changing, working, giving her more with each memory. Excitement began to crawl into her stomach that another session with Neji might bring back more answers and more of her life she was so desperate for until eventually they would all return and the mysteries would be solved.

Feeling happier than she had for ages, she wandered into her bedroom and began to peel the damp red sweatshirt from her body when movement in the corner of the dark bedroom shocked her enough to make her jump.

"If I didn't know what you were doing out there, I would have thought you two had something going on between you," Sasuke mumbled evenly from the chair across the room. His silhouette was still against the street lamp light beyond the window.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?" Sakura hissed with shock, angry to find yet another person helping themselves to her apartment and sadly, her bedroom. Did everyone know where she hid her key?

"Naruto was right. You do sound like yourself more and more," he added quietly, pushing himself up from the chair and wandering over to the end of the bed where he slumped down and lay back.

"Make yourself comfortable," she growled, tossing her sweatshirt onto the floor and putting her hands on her hips. "Do you mind telling me why you're in my bedroom in the middle of the night?"

"Weren't you looking for some answers?" he mumbled coolly. Sakura caught a hint of perturbation in his tone.

"Do you need to be on my bed to do that?" she bit back.

"You know I've been drinking a little and I'm tired. It's not like I haven't been here before," he sighed.

"How do you know I have questions for _you_?" Sakura wandered a little closer and sat on the side of the bed away from him and watched him lace his hands over his stomach, eyes closed. The prospect of anyone answering questions was too tempting to push away, so she tried to put her anger aside, even if he was intruding. "And what possessed you to finally answer some now?"

"Ino," he said mildly.

"Oh," Sakura mumbled to herself. Leave it to Ino to open the subject that Sakura swore to Naruto was as quiet as the grave. She could almost picture the blond woman accosting and berating Sasuke, bullying him into being forthright with Sakura with the poke of a finger into his chest.

"Ask me what you want and I'll try to answer. I guess we're due for this," he breathed out, almost bored. "I'm tired of all this hanging over us. I know that you know we don't speak anymore."

His comfort with the situation shocked her, but a sudden need to know everything overtook that shock and she twisted up onto the bed and crossed her legs where she sat and watched him. "Tell me everything I ask?"

"Within reason," he offered, then opened his eyes and tipped his head back to look at her. "Clock's ticking."

"Okay. Okay. Did you get me the chakra box?" she started, adjusting the pillows under her behind to get comfortable.

"No. And I don't know who did, although I have my suspicions," he said offhandedly.

"Who do you think?"

"I'm not here to speculate, just to answer."

Sucking in a deep breath, she tried to think of things she wanted answers to. The first thing that popped into her head was something she hadn't contemplated that much. "Did I ever sleep with Naruto?"

Sasuke sat up and cracked his shoulder, facing away from her. "Yes. I think you were sixteen," he mumbled.

"Holy shit," she whispered, rubbing at her forehead. Not the answer she expected. "Why?"

"Ask _him _that, Sakura. You'll appreciate the answer." Sasuke got up and wandered around the room, not quite pacing, but probably finding sitting still more difficult, just as perhaps the answers he was preparing to give were more difficult than he thought. Naruto said he didn't talk about himself so it must have been exceedingly hard to do this.

"Why do you and I hate each other?" she tried to ask with tact, but the nature of it was such that there was no easy way to say it.

"We...don't hate each other," he sighed. "Two years ago, we had a falling out. I don't think either of us really wanted to end up estranged, and there are things I regret about that night."

"Did we sleep together?" she asked in a strained voice, scared to ask it and scared to hear the answer.

Wandering closer, Sasuke finally sat down beside her on the bed and turned just enough so that if he looked sideways, he could see her. "No, Sakura. We've never slept together."

"Then what happened?" she begged, grabbing his arm. "In one of my memories, I saw you undressing me right here on this bed. I feel this innate nervousness around you, like I can't trust you or something. But we're friends, right? I feel like you'd protect me if I needed it. So why do I feel this strange need to keep my distance?"

Sasuke seemed to contemplate her words, not yet making eye contact with her. Tingles of warning ran up and down her arms and back, making her hair feel like it wanted to stand on end when his jaw clenched. How bad was it?

He closed his eyes and then when he opened them and looked at her, they were red. And it wasn't just any red; they were almost the same as Kakashi's unusual eye. "What is that?" she gasped, watching the pinwheels in his eyes begin to spin as his hand grabbed her arm and steadied them both.

Sakura found she couldn't look away.

"You'll have to trust me," he said coolly. "I'll show you what happened."

"Sh...show?" she whispered, finding her voice sounding like it was coming from inside her head. As soon as she spoke, the room changed it's appearance, and a thunderstorm suddenly raged outside the window. Lightning flashed so brightly, illuminating all the corners of the room. The bed was moved to between the windows and the chair and dresser were moved as well. Sasuke was gone.

Sakura found herself standing on the other side of the room as two people stumbled in. Her own pink hair and the familiar short black hair of the man took her by surprise. Somehow, she was watching her own life like a stage play right before her. "What's going on?" she asked loudly, but they didn't acknowledge her.

Her own voice came from her likeness, laughing softly. Her hair was shorter and her clothes were something she'd recognized from the red shirt and black shorts in her closet and also a couple of pictures. Sasuke's outfit was also similar to what he wore now.

And they kissed as they stood beside the bed. It was so desperate and Sakura could hear herself moan in pleasure. She watched her own hands trailing his arms, his waist, his behind, just as his hands reciprocated. The scent of alcohol filled the room and by the way they teetered in their embrace, she imagined they'd been drinking.

"Take off your clothes," Sasuke commanded.

Immediately, her drunken fingers went to her zipper and as she tried to get a hold of it, she stepped back and fell on the bed, laughing. Sasuke was right there, falling beside her and then rolling on top. His fingers grasped her zipper and began working at it, pulling it down with a little more skill in his intoxication than she had.

Sakura gasped as she watched the same scene she'd seen in her memory play out right in front of her.

"Do you remember what I said when you left, Sasuke?" the Sakura on the bed whispered as he kissed and sucked at the skin on her throat. Her voice sounded breathed, heavy with desire and pleasure. The springs of the mattress creaking slightly as they moved and shifted.

Sasuke didn't respond, instead slipping his fingers into her shorts to tug them lower at her hip as her shirt lay splayed open, revealing her upper body and bra. Then he found the edge of her panties and ran his fingers between the lace and her skin, making her sigh. Again, he kissed her deeply.

Sakura blushed watching how hot and desperately they seemed to want each other...that she wanted Sasuke like that. Since losing her memories, she couldn't imagine having feelings for him like that.

"Sasuke...?" her younger likeness asked again in a hushed tone.

Sasuke's hand ran up to her bra, unhooking it at the front to expose her breasts to his hungry eyes, and he proceeded to run his tongue over a pert nipple, making her moan and slide her fingers into his hair. She writhed slowly, enjoying his touch and raising her head to watch him devouring her in such a delicious way.

"Sasuke, tell me what I said to you the night you left," she breathed out in heady pants, closing her eyes.

"This isn't the time for that," he murmured absently.

"This is _exactly_ the time for that," she urged.

Sasuke paused for a moment, his brow creased. "How could I remember something that long ago?" he said coolly, virtually ignoring the need she had to hear it from him as he resumed his perusal of her body.

"I...told you I loved you, Sasuke," she continued in whispers. "How do you not remember? I love you still. That moment when you thanked me kept me waiting for this for years." She laughed a little, like Sasuke was ridiculous for not recalling it immediately.

He reluctantly stopped his attention on her breasts, sighing against the skin at her shoulder. "You just said yourself, it was years ago and we were just children when I left. I don't remember."

Sakura laughed a little, putting her hand over her eyes. "I'd thought...all this time that it was an important moment between us - that you wouldn't forget it."

Rolling off her, Sasuke lay on his back staring up at the ceiling. He made a noise of impatience. "I'm not the same person who left here. I don't care about that sort of thing. Any part of me that could love someone back is gone, Sakura. I care about you and Naruto, but I don't..._can't_ love you. I thought you understood that we were just having a good time tonight. It was you that approached me."

"Oh, God. Is this really happening? You _can't_ love me? I've...wasted... so much time," she mumbled. "I never thought I'd spent my life waiting for something that wasn't even there." A soft sound of crying mixed with laughter came from the Sakura on the bed and the observer was shocked to see herself cry. Since the Abbey, Sakura couldn't let those emotions out for some reason, and this Sakura in front of her was letting it pour from her so easily.

"Sasuke!" Sakura shouted to the cieling, having a hard time being the witness to the situation she'd been in with him. It was awful to see and know, but she supposed it was necessary to understand why their relationship was what it was.

"It's hard to watch, isn't it," Sasuke's voice said from beside her on the bed. She was suddenly lying down now in the room where there was no thunderstorm outside and no one crying. "That was my memory of it," he mumbled. "Yours could possibly be a little different."

"You did that to me with your eyes?" she said with a hint of fear.

"They can do more than just that," he said quietly. "After all that you just saw, we fought. I became...a little forceful in trying to just have my way a little longer when you were having none of it. For that I'm sorry. I'd drank too much. You accused me of just using you and not giving a shit about anything but myself. I accused you of trying to trap me in something I'd hate. It wasn't pretty so I thought I'd spare us both remembering that."

"How long ago was that?"

"Two years. We haven't been friends since. I hesitated telling you, but after losing your memories, we had an opportunity to find a new dynamic. We've both changed since then."

"What do you mean changed?" She tilted her head.

A smirk crossed his lips, but there was no humor in it. "I've gotten more comfortable being around people and caring. You've found things you wanted more out of life than a man. We've both matured a great deal. Two years is a long time."

"What about the mug?" she suddenly remembered out loud.

A breath of a laugh escaped him. "Two weeks after that night, you were drunk and you came to my house. I'm not sure what you wanted but I suppose we can both guess. You walked right in, made yourself a coffee, and then wandered to my bedroom. Needless to say I wasn't alone, and so you left in a fit, taking the mug with you. I was very surprised you hadn't smashed it. If there was a chance for us to get along, that night ended it. At that time, I didn't care to reconcile, but I do now."

For a long time, Sakura lay there next to him, smelling his cologne and the scent of the smoke from the pub on both of them as she watched the shadows of the tree outside on her ceiling. Her fear of him died away, but a small feeling of loss replaced it. Two years they ignored and avoided each other, stealing that friendship from themselves and Naruto. Perhaps, like her other self had said long ago, she'd wasted so much time.

"Is it behind us then? I don't want to hate you or ignore you. I feel a genuine desire in you to protect me, even if I was nervous of you." She rolled to her side and looked full into his dark eyes, and a corner of his mouth rose a little in a reluctant smile.

"I would prefer it that way," he said quietly, finally shuffling over and getting off the bed to stand.

"You're leaving? Are we done?" she asked, suddenly upset that she still had questions to have answered.

"Do you have more questions?"

For a moment, the words stuck in her throat as her mouth became dry. The face he made at the bonfire came back to her when she had confessed her interest in Kakashi. Did she dare? He'd been so forthcoming up to then and no one else had given her a straight answer. She knew about she and Naruto now, so there was a last piece to that puzzle. Ino had warned that he wouldn't approve or be pleasant about it...

"Kakashi..." she whispered.

Sasuke's brow creased. "Don't bother. I have nothing to say about that, and you're wasting your time there. Concentrate on your friends and forget him."

"But..."

"I said I have nothing to say on that," he said again, not angrily, but with an air of finality. "I thought you would have known not to ask this after the bonfire."

Sakura clenched her jaw and couldn't help stitching her brow in frustration.

"I have to go, Sakura. You can tell Naruto that everything is fine. This has been hardest on him," Sasuke iterated in a tone that showed he wasn't discussing anything any longer.

She could only nod in response while she watched him walk out of the bedroom with a lift of his hand.

Sakura flopped back on the bed and sighed, still wracked with questions, but so many less now. Thank goodness she'd never slept with Sasuke. But then again...Naruto?

The front door opened and closed, announcing Sasuke's departure and she pressed her face into her pillow, still smelling him there.

* * *

"Haruno-samaaaaaa" the nurse sang from the hallway in the clinic as Sakura leaned on her elbow on her desk, her glazed eyes watching the trees sway near the wall to the west and the pearly clouds beyond them in the bright blue sky.

"Hm?" she answered absently.

"Your next patient is in room two," the nurse conveyed with such happiness, it irked Sakura mildly. From nurse nasty to nurse non-stop-happy, she couldn't win. But, she supposed that happy was way better than grouchy any day.

"Ah," she responded softly, getting up from her desk and wandering into the clinic room down the hall. She grabbed the file from the hanging plastic holder on the wall and smiled at the middle aged woman clutching her bag to her chest as if Sakura might steal it.

"Ah, let's see...Miko-san? What seems to be the trouble today?" Sakura asked pleasantly, and took a seat in front of the woman, listening less intently than she should have as the woman recounted the trouble with her back and showed her the rough patch on her leg.

"I see. I'll write you a prescription for the rash and I'll give you a mild muscle relaxer for your back. Massages might help as well," Sakura said with professionalism and courtesy.

Up to now, she loved the clinic job and had been working at it for two days. It wasn't taxing, but was busy. And actually helping people was so rewarding that she doubted she'd ever want to do anything else with her skills.

Coming in each day to the pink painted walls with still-life pictures and the toys in a box in the corner was so much more inviting that the sterility of the hospital. The patients were nice and the secretaries were efficient and respectful. It was paradise compared to her first job.

After seeing the woman out, Sakura returned to her desk and sighed, thinking about how long the last two days had been. Kakashi was due back from his mission tomorrow and she had some questions for him. Naruto had also been sent out and was due back this morning and was supposed to meet her for lunch at the clinic. From Sasuke's revelations the other night about her sex life, she was pretty nervous to actually see Naruto again.

The news that they had slept together really threw her for a loop. They had seemed so close – too close to have ever tainted their friendship with sex...

The day continued to move on slowly, and she waited for the loud knock that would announce Naruto's arrival. The morning crawled by and while doing paperwork, she gazed out the window at the walkway in front of the clinic when an ANBU uniform appeared, and her tall blond friend smiled and put his hand up when their eyes met.

She couldn't help it, but Sakura blushed at the sight of him. He'd seen her naked, and he'd touched her body...and worse, he'd done the most intimate thing with her...

Naruto's hand dropped slowly as he watched her and she had to look away. Before she knew it, the outside waiting room door had slammed hard and then her office door opened to Naruto with a half-pained look on his face. "Who told you?" he said with a hint of sadness.

"Does it matter? It should have been you," Sakura replied quietly.

Slowly, he closed the door and timidly moved over to sit on the desk next to where she sat. His hand reached out and took hers, his fingers squeezing tenderly. His blue eyes scanned her face for something and he seemed to hesitate, searching for the right words. "It was... a really long time ago. About five years. We were just kids and it was only once."

Sakura stared up at him intently and waited. When he didn't speak, she prodded, "Go on. Tell me everything."

Rubbing tense fingers through his hair, he slid off the desk and crouched down in front of her. A sheathed kakatan was still on his back and she tilted her head for a second and took in his ANBU uniform and the tattoo on his shoulder. It suited him, and she saw him as a man, as someone a woman might be attracted to for his looks and his passion. Was it so impossible that when she was younger, she ever found him desirable?

"Well, remember I told you about that time that we went to get Sasuke and when he left, we cried together. I wish you could remember it, Sakura, because it was so difficult for us both and it's hard to have that memory be all mine. We came back to Konoha and didn't speak the whole way. I walked you home and we ended up laying down in your bed and crying together, hugging and telling each other that we would find him," Naruto said softly. "I'd slept over before when we'd talk and make plans so it wasn't really an issue at the time that I stayed."

"I remember you telling me about the search part, not the after part," she replied and squeezed his hand back in support. It was probably so much harder for him to confess this than she imagined.

"You cried so much, Sakura, so I kissed you to calm you down. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I needed to do something. And you responded and it became something more. It was all about comforting and sharing our pain. I think we just really needed each other that night." He bowed his head and breathed out heavily.

"I understand, Naruto. You can just imagine my shock when Sasuke told me. I'm glad it was with you though. Was it my first time?"

He laughed a little, "Yeah...mine too. It wasn't terrible. It was clumsy and awkward, but it was nice to have that together. We laid in bed the rest of the night holding and kissing each other. I think it's why we always stayed so close. I love you and you love me, just not in that way."

"I could tell we had a special bond right from the first day I met you," she whispered, tightening her fingers on his hand again and rubbing her thumb over his glove.

"Not really the first day, Sakura. You were about eight and you kicked a rock at me," he laughed. "I really want you to remember it all, even the bad. I can tell you're becoming more like yourself. I think it's going to all come back one of these days."

Sakura just nodded and smiled, and Naruto smiled back. Everything was the way it should be, she thought - memories or not. "Oh, good news," she added with a smirk, trying to lighten the mood. "Never slept with Sasuke."

Naruto laughed. "I didn't need to know that. Want to get some lunch? I'd really love to hear how it came to be Sasuke who told you."

Sakura nodded and when she got up, she took a moment to wrap her arms around him and hug him tightly.

* * *

After a short lunch with Naruto and another half-day of tending to Konoha's civilians in the clinic, Sakura went home, eased into a bath, and then into bed.

Her night was fitful, full of tossing and turning on the bed. She was unable to get comfortable, unable to stay warm enough, then too warm. All in all, she figured that she'd gotten maybe four good hours of sleep. It was enough to keep her going, but not enough to be one hundred percent.

Another day at the clinic zipped by uneventfully, but Sakura's anticipation grew that she'd be seeing Kakashi soon. Three days he'd been gone on a mission and was due back earlier in the day.

When she'd stopped by HQ after her clinic shift to see if he checked in yet, Iruka was there and she called him by name. He smiled at her recognition, and then gave her a shrug saying that Kakashi was never on time.

Then hours went by, and she began to worry.

At ten o'clock, she wandered to his apartment, and finding him still not home, sat down on his step and waited. However long it took, she would still be there until he came in the door. Yes, the pub was not the place to hash it out, but he'd offered a talk when he got back and she was damn well going to hold him to it – even if she had to wait all night.

Hashing things out with him was overdue. All the things she'd learned in the last couple of days had given her a heavy feeling, but it was somehow freeing as well. It was his turn to unburden her. Kakashi owed her and she deserved it.

Yawning a little, she lay her head back and shifted to get comfortable. Hopefully she wasn't in for too long a night after so little sleep the night before.

It was colder than normal out with the light chill of a breeze blowing against the part of his face vulnerable to the night air. Kakashi walked slowly, unable to use chakra, unable to move quickly for fear that his aching body would crumple to the dirt if he pushed himself just one grain more. Even the fingers curled loosely around the straps of his large duffel bag were hurting enough that he'd switched hands three times since arriving at the back gate of the sleepy village.

His mask felt tight and irritating on his throat where the bruises were. His head ached in a cluster of pain and his abdomen burned where his flesh was rent from the lucky strike of an enemy.

The walk home was the longest from the gate that he could ever remember. Maybe he was just too old to go on missions like that one anymore. Untrue, yes, but he always thought it when he felt like that.

Soft dust from the road slipped into his shoes as his feet dragged a path to the steps of his apartment. He'd never liked the feel of the dirt under the pads of his toes against the leather of the shoe, but tonight, he barely noticed.

When he was within a few steps of home, he stopped. He couldn't decide if he felt relief or regret as he took in the scene that met his tired eye. Either way, his feet would take him no further. He couldn't turn back, and he couldn't go forward so he just waited.

It should have been no surprise that she was waiting there. She always seemed to be waiting for him in one place or another now so why would tonight be any different? For hours, she had probably been waiting on that cold step, watching the street and twisting the strands of her hair around a finger nervously.

Even with his mind as fatigued and pained as it was, he could see that image clearly, just like he'd seen it a hundred times before.

She was not awake now. Her head lolled to the side, lying heavily against the painted wooden siding of the small building. With bent knees, the toes of her right foot were crossed over the toes of her left, making her seem so much like a child – though she was anything but.

All he could do was watch her, watch the few strands of her hair that the breeze lifted gently from her face. It was almost hypnotic and he forgot that he should be moving somewhere and doing something.

Finally, after the last vestiges of his strength left him, his fingers gave out and the bag dropped to the ground with a jumble of metal and equipment. The noise was enough to make her stir.

Kakashi had wished he had just a minute more to watch her there. The blissful moment was gone and now he would have to communicate, talk, struggle to string coherent thoughts and sentences together for her in his current state. He wasn't exactly sure it would be possible.

Sakura stirred gently, her feet uncrossing and her back arching with a limber stretch to ease the twisted discomfort of her static position. Slowly, her fingers reached up to rub at her tired, half-awake eyes when she froze. It was then that the bright green of her gaze inched from cut to scrape to tear to bloodstain until it finally reached his half-lidded eye.

Kakashi had underestimated how shocked she would look, how much it might affect her. She wasn't familiar with him coming home from a mission like this anymore. She wasn't the one who would chastise his carelessness and carefully strip his uniform away to heal him because she knew he hated the hospital. Now she was just a girl who was frightened by seeing a man bloodied and tired, ready to drop at her feet. She had no chakra to help him.

Kakashi's brow stitched, but he couldn't muster the annoyed look he wanted to give her, desired to send her away with. Instead, he imagined his face looked more pitiful, sad perhaps – not something he ever wanted to show her but was powerless to prevent.

Her face looked pained and sad in response. He hated being the one to make her feel like that.

Hurrying just a little, Sakura got up off the step and moved to stand with Kakashi. She picked up his bag, struggling from the weight, but managing, then took his hand and led him up the steps. Somehow, Kakashi's feet carried him a little farther.

And when they got inside, she seemed to take over. It was the medic in her, and he'd been in this situation with her so many times he just obeyed without argument. He placed his hands on the back of a chair to steady his sway and he pulled his mask down to get as much air into his tight lungs as he could.

"Sit down..." Sakura said gently, her hands on his arm and side as she led him into a chair. The room was still fairly dark, only the small light under the cupboard giving off any illumination. Wounds like his usually looked better in the dim light anyway.

But for all the care she gave him and all she would, he should send her away. But he was so tired. If only he could put his head down on the table, on his pillow...on her shoulder, he would sleep so deeply. He breathed in the scent of her strawberry shampoo and the sweetness of the jasmine perfume she'd used today as she bent down to slip his shoes from his feet. And when her perfect green eyes looked up at him from where she kneeled, he was lost.

He doubted he could ever send her away again.

After getting up, Sakura's steady fingers slipped his headband off his head, exposing his red eye to the dim light. It ached from usage, so he closed it and just watched her with his own eye. Then she unzipped his vest and her gentle fingers eased inside it, running from his chest to his shoulders in something he'd consider seductive if he wasn't in pain.

He leaned forward to shrug it off and she placed it on the back of another chair. A tight stitch in her brow marred her face as she stared at the gash on his side, damp and slick with blood.

"Are you attached to this particular shirt in any way?" she whispered.

Kakashi breathed out a laugh and it hurt. "No."

The palm of Sakura's right hand slid over his thigh and she unsnapped his kunai pouch, slipping a long shiny blade from it. Then easing a hand under his shirt and dangling mask, she led the blade from his chin to his navel, slicing the material open to reveal his chest and stomach and a wound that looked far worse than he'd imagined.

"Can I take you to the hospital?" she asked, her eyes trained on the wound as she repeated the slide of her hands under his shirt like she had with the vest to undress his upper half completely.

Kakashi shook his head when she finally looked up at his eye. The feel of her hands over his skin had been so nice, he didn't want her to stop.

"Stubborn ass," she hissed.

The wound wasn't bleeding anymore, so at least there was that small piece of relief. Kakashi watched her kneeling at his feet, biting her lip as she contemplated how she was going to force him to the hospital. He knew that look, knew ever nuance of her being. How many times had he seen that look on her face before? He'd lost count.

"Just help me to my bed," he mumbled, trying to will his body to get up out of the chair.

Without arguing, she stood up and slid his arm over her shoulders, wrapping an arm around his back to help him to the bed situated in the other corner of the room. Thank goodness he lived on one floor. When he stood next to it, she flipped the covers back and then gently lowered him, aiding him in getting his feet up as well.

His exhausted body sank into the mattress and his muscles gave up the strain. His eyes closed and he was asleep almost immediately, only to be woken up again with the feel of a warm cloth on his side.

Sakura had crawled onto the bed and was sitting beside him with a warm bowl of clean water on the opposite table. With slow gentle strokes, she wiped the blood from his side, and then his arm. After wringing out the bloody cloth, she moved it over his chest and down his stomach, running it along the tight skin of his abdomen, dipping under the top of his pants. The entire time, he couldn't take his tired eyes off her.

Wringing it out again, she examined the bowl and slid off the bed to get more clean water.

Kakashi's eyes closed.

When her touch woke him again, she was running the warm wet cloth over his throat, and then moved up to wipe his mouth.

When she was finished, his body felt cool but clean. Somewhere, while he he slept, Sakura had found the first aid box from his bathroom cabinet and she was tending to some wounds, cleaning them and applying bandages. Her eyes kept flicking to his side, obviously the cause of whatever distress had her mouth tensed into a tight line.

He loved her pretty mouth.

As much as he wanted to, he couldn't assure her he was fine because staying awake was too hard. He didn't want to see her looking like that because of him. And he couldn't move because the pain in his side was acute enough to warrant complete stillness.

Tomorrow, he would tell her everything was fine. Tomorrow he would stop her from looking so sad.

The bed shifted a little and there was movement by his head and feet, telling him that she had probably lay down next to him.

When her fingers touched his hair, gently moving through the strands with slow, deliberate strokes, he found the sensation calming and welcome.

When her lips touched his, he tried to reciprocate.

And when his eye managed to open one last time and turn his head before he fell asleep, her eyes were closed as well.

* * *

Oh, so much mystery solved. Thanks to icarust and tsukashi for the read-through and for finding my mistakes.

Maybe two more chapters...maybe 3. I'll see how it stretches out. I updated all the wonderful fanart links on my profile page by all the talented artists out there. There are some new, and some that my lazy ass never got around to adding. If I've missed one, please tell me.

More very very soon.

Leafy.


	10. The Chakra Box

Chapter 10 - The Chakra Box

* * *

A light rumble of thunder rolling over the village and shaking the windows of his building was what woke Kakashi as he strained to open his right eye. It was a shock that it took a noise to bring him round because he found himself lying on his side and comfortably molded against Sakura's body. Her arm was draped over his neck and his was draped over her back, his hand tucked up underneath her holding her so tightly against him that he was warm from their shared body heat. The curve of her face was pressed up against his shoulder and her breath warmed a spot on his throat.

His body felt better, less fatigued, less pain..._markedly_ less pain, he realized. Every inch of a turn the night before had produced a shock through his abdomen where a lucky shot had sliced through his skin and whatever was underneath that particular area. He'd imagined he would have to make it to the hospital at some point today, should he make it through the night, but as he lay there, he realized the pain was gone.

For more than a few drawn out breaths, he just remained unmoving, straining his side to be sure the wound was gone, and trying not to wake her. The young woman still smelled wonderfully sweet and tempting, and he knew that he'd regret it the moment he moved her and lost the connection with her body. Gently, he pressed his face into her pink strands, breathing in the scent of it deeply.

He'd already broken his promise to himself not to wind up in bed with her, he sighed inwardly. But this was innocent enough. How they'd wound up wrapped together like that wasn't really a mystery, but how he had woken up without pain was.

Experimentally, he shifted a little, loosening his hold. And without much coaxing, Sakura mumbled sleepily and rolled to her back, taking her body heat with her.

He knew he'd regret it.

Stealthily he rose, swinging his legs over the side of the bed to sit up. He opened both eyes and stared down at the perfectly healed flesh that had been torn in two the night before.

It could only mean one thing.

With a gentle turn, trying not to shake the bed, Kakashi stared at Sakura's supine body over his blankets. His eyes widened to see a small trail of chakra, just barely visible, floating slowly around her chakra highway. It was just a little, but it was there.

Somehow her body had produced some, and somehow she'd managed to heal him.

His fingers went to his stomach, rubbing the spot that was now a patch of perfect tight skin. It was slightly tender, but hadn't bruised or reddened. It seemed her skill was still perfect as well.

Kakashi rubbed his face roughly with both hands, wondering what it all meant. Were her memories back? Was she just as she was before the incident? If she woke up to find herself in his bed, knowing how things had been before she left, would she throw a typical Sakura fit or could they talk? They really needed to talk..that is, if her memories were back.

Kakashi sighed softly, scratching his fingers through his messy hair and wishing for a proper shower and some clean clothes. A coffee would be nice too, he thought, but he didn't dare flick on the kettle for fear of waking her. There was the odd problem with a bachelor style apartment and privacy was one of them.

The room was dim, the small light under the counter still casting a warm glow on the granite beneath it, but everything else was bathed in murky darkness. Gray clouds seemed to block out the sun, reminding him of that blank snow-covered day when he found her broken and bloodied in that run-down Abbey. The relief he felt when he'd laid eyes on her, alive and breathing, was beyond any relief he'd ever felt before.

He'd watched her closely as they brought her home, and he sat next to her hospital bed waiting for her to tell him off for the way things were left when she took the mission. But she didn't and she couldn't.

How did she have chakra now?

Mixed feelings rose in his chest, tightening his lungs until he had to suck in a breath to relieve it. He wasn't sure if he was ready to have her remember everything. He wasn't sure if he was ready for her to stop looking at him the way she did.

He'd resisted the temptation up to now of just letting himself have her, letting her have him. He also struggled with the idea that it might be his last chance to wrap up in her body and feel her fingers through his hair.

Cursing his weaknesses, Kakashi gently rose up and grabbed some clothes from the open closet tucked back next to the bed. The hangers clanged together lightly, but Sakura just stretched a little and repositioned before her heavy breaths resumed.

He made his way to his shower, happy that he could close the door and shut in the noise. And practically drowning in the cool spray, he mulled over what he should do now. So many options, some feasible and some down right dirty were cast off as common sense naturally prevailed.

He wanted to go back out and make love to her, make her breathe soft sighs and moans when she liked what he did to her. And he wanted that pretty mouth of hers in the places she couldn't tell her friends about. The taste of her skin, the sweetness of her smell; he wanted it all but there was a reason he was holding back, wasn't there?

Because she was angry with him, and herself. Because the last thing she said to him was that they should stay out of each others lives.

He'd tried not to examine it all too closely since her memory loss, but there it was as stark and cold as the white tiled wall in his bathroom. He couldn't have her – not until she understood everything that kept him holding back.

After the cool shower, Kakashi felt better, but worse in some ways. He dressed and quietly got his shoes and wrappings on in the kitchen. Tsunade would probably have his hide if she read the mission reports later and found that he hadn't checked in yet, so he had to leave.

Perhaps being there when she awoke wasn't a good idea anyway. One bite of her lip and one invitation to join her back in the bed would end all the hard work he'd done so far of resisting such a grand temptation as to feel her soft, naked body moving beneath his.

And if her memories were back...well, he didn't think he was up to a confrontation yet.

He needed some fresh air.

* * *

Sakura awoke to an empty room and the patter of rain on the windows.

Where did Kakashi go? How could someone with wounds like that actually get up and leave a perfectly good bed and a private nurse for the day? His guts were practically falling out of him last time she saw him...

Well, that might be an exaggeration, she scoffed inwardly, but she knew he wasn't up to moving yet...or at least shouldn't have been.

She should be upset that she was there alone and he'd run out, although that seemed to be the nature of their relationship as it had been presented time and again. But he kissed her back last night when she pressed her lips to his in a moment of need to comfort him, and he allowed her to take care of him. It was a start. At least he hadn't tried to push her away. Frankly, she was getting tired of his need to keep his distance, and had Genma not kept her trying, she might have given up.

Okay, another exaggeration, she reprimanded herself.

It really never occurred to her that he just might not feel anything for her...

But twice now he'd let her kiss him, and perhaps it was finally the start of moving ahead. Maybe he was facing the reality that she didn't care what people thought or what relationship, or lack thereof, they'd had before. She wanted him with every fibre of her being so he would accept it or she'd wait until he could.

Getting up and stretching her tight and lazy limbs, Sakura looked around the room and enjoyed having a second to see things closely without feeling like she was intruding. She scanned the windowsill where two pictures sat side by side. Must be the standard team picture, she laughed to herself, seeing the same poses in both.

A good looking blond was in the one with a very young Kakashi eyeballing a dark haired boy. She recognized the blond from the pictures in Tsunade's office as the fourth Hokage and Naruto's father. It took her by surprise mildly that he had been Kakashi's teamleader when he was young. He looked so much like Naruto that it was sad they couldn't see each other now.

The other picture was one she had at her own home and she smiled at it.

She slid into the bathroom to freshen up before leaving and could see the condensation dabbing the walls and feel the damp heat, making her realize he hadn't been gone all that long. And she'd slept through him taking a shower. How tired was she after just tending his wounds? It didn't make sense to sleep so deeply, even though she hadn't slept much the night before. But it had to be the first night that she really had slept since waking up in the hospital so she supposed it was understandable.

And another strange thing occurred to her as she dipped her hands under the cold water running from the tap, was that her right hand hurt. Drying it off, she looked at it palm up and noticed that it was fairly red and the skin felt tight. Odd, she thought. Maybe a reaction to something she'd touched?

When she finally felt no more comfort in being at Kakashi's apartment alone and resisting the urge to snoop, she left calmly through the front door, twisting the lock on the other side for good measure.

She had to get home, get dressed, and then meet Naruto in the clearing. She couldn't imagine what strange scheme he had cooked up this time, but hopefully it didn't entail jumping off anything. The poking was much more tolerable than certain death.

And meeting Naruto would at least get her mind of Kakashi and where he'd disappeared to without a good bye.

* * *

Naruto balanced a kunai on one finger, making a production like it was something difficult, and smiled widely as Sakura approached them. Her hair was tied back in a damp ponytail after a shower in her own apartment, and she'd donned a pair of comfortable jogging pants and a t-shirt as well as her red umbrella.

It was only drizzling but she'd rather stay dry before work. She had to change before her clinic duty, and the idea of getting soaked through first thing wasn't appealing.

Sasuke sat under a tree nearby, almost like someone sulking, and nodded his head diffidently when she waved at him.

"So, Sakura, I have a..._better_...idea today," Naruto mumbled, feeling a little sheepish for trying to kill her last time. Sakura supposed if she hadn't objected so loudly, he might not have actually felt so bad for it.

"I'm ready," she laughed softly, glancing at Sasuke to see if he would crack any sort of smile. Of course he didn't.

"Well, first I wanted to try putting my own chakra into your highway and see if it...you know, jump starts your body," Naruto described, jerking his hands in the air like he was jolting her with a defibrillator.

"First? Is there something else you wanted to try," Sakura hoped aloud, thinking maybe option two would be a little less invasive.

"Well, I thought maybe Sasuke could sharingan you to have a memory of drawing chakra so you could feel how you used to do it. Maybe your body would remember by the implanted memory and we'd get you fired up!" Naruto lit happily, seemingly pleased that he'd had options for her this time that didn't hinge on life or death situations.

With a sigh, Sakura looked over at Sasuke who was slowly getting up and wandering over to join them in the rain. He slid right up next to Sakura under the umbrella and mumbled, "I never agreed to that."

She had to admit, it was a relief to hear him voice his non-compliance with such a scheme.

"Come on, Uchiha. The sooner she gets her chakra back, the sooner she can take missions again," Naruto scolded half-heartedly.

"I know you're only trying to help but I have to work soon." Sakura smiled a little and shifted her umbrella from one hand to the other, clenching and rubbing her right hand on her side where it burned and itched slightly.

"What's wrong with your hand?" Sasuke asked calmly, grabbing her wrist and lifting her hand to look at it, palm up.

Naruto leaned over to look as well. "How did you do that?" he hissed. "It's a..."

"Chakra burn," Sasuke finished. "Prolonged chakra use through one point can cause this. Even if it's just a little chakra, the length of time can cause a burn."

"Ch...chakra?" she mumbled, staring at her upturned hand. "How is that possible?" She looked up at Naruto and then at Sasuke whose eyes had flooded red with sharingan.

"Because you have some in your system. Didn't you notice?" he asked, his brow creased. "Don't you remember using chakra to do that to your hand?"

"I...have chakra...right now!?" she hissed, realizing she could almost feel it inside, like some extra energy to move her limbs and make her breath. She'd felt better this morning, but didn't put two and two together. "I...I have to go," she said hurriedly, turning away and folding the umbrella down so she could run.

"Hey!" Naruto shouted after her.

* * *

Bursting through her front door, Sakura was panting hard and barely able to catch her breath as she slid a little while trying to take off her wet shoes and then clanged the umbrella in the stand. Even though she was damp throughout, she didn't care as she dripped wetness all over her floor. She had chakra now. Somehow in the night, her body had finally revved up and given her exactly what she needed.

Her fingers tingled with excitement as she approached the wooden box perched on the kitchen table. A chakra box, Sasuke had said. So all she had to do was figure out how to get her chakra into the small lock and she would have her prize.

Already her mind was fixed on what might be in it. Was it a keepsake? A picture? A diary, or perhaps loveletters? Maybe it was the answer to all her questions, just waiting there to be discovered.

She took a seat and closed her eyes, trying to hone in on the sensation of the energy in her body. She tried to see it moving through her chakra highway and coursing around her whole being. Naruto's instructions of how to see it _without eyes_ came back to her and she pictured it there, blue and bright.

And then she felt it, tried to focus it.

Gripping the lock with her fingertips, she attempted to draw chakra to them like Neji did. Unfortunately, nothing happened. Placing the whole lock in her clenched fist, she tried again to draw chakra. This time, her skin felt hot, but the lock didn't budge. The tender skin of her palm ached.

For perhaps another fifteen minutes, she worked on drawing it out. When she finally pressed her thumb over the hole and held the back of the lock with her fingers, concentrating like she'd never concentrated before, she felt the flow of the energy through her chest, through her arm like a cool string and then out through her fingers, heating the skin and eventually making the lock snap open in her grasp.

When she flipped back the soft, smooth wooden lid, she looked inside to find a small black book. It was a plain hardcover flip-over style notebook, and didn't seem like anything fancy at all. The excitement died away as she fumbled it out, smelling the cedar on it.

When she flipped the book open, she saw a date and handwriting she presumed to be her own.

It was dated over a year before. She read the first few lines.

_Mission proceeded as normal and objective was identified by our squad leader upon arrival. We entered the building under the guise of a wealthy aristocrat and bodyguards, along with myself as a personal assistant. _

_Contact was made with the inside person at 08:00 hours. _

Sakura scanned the first few pages, feeling her heart drop. It was a detailed report of a mission, page by page. Why it was hidden was a mystery to her, but it seemed that she had spent an arduous amount of time filling it in.

Flipping to a later page, she scanned to see more of the same. Dates, places, names were all detailed and some tactics and supplies were listed. Nothing seemed remotely forthcoming to give her any answers about anything. No mention of anyone she knew.

Snapping it shut, she sighed. For curiosity's sake, she'd take it with her to work and read through just in case, but the outlook was bleak. All that hope for that box died away with her ambition.

* * *

"Hey Hatake, I need to speak with you," Genma said quietly as he nudged the other Jounin with an elbow. They both stood in the main mission assignment hall, socializing a little with the other men and women returning or going out on missions.

Kakashi spun to see Genma, equipped with senbon, looking around to see if anyone had heard him. He leaned forward when Kakashi raised his visible eyebrow. "Let's hit the pub. I need to tell you about something I heard yesterday."

As of yet, Kakashi had not said a word to his friend as his mind was going in five different directions. He still considered what might happen if Sakura awoke with memories intact. Her cold indifference might spring up and they'd be right back to the day she left like nothing had happened. The anger that twisted her mouth into a tight line back then was not something he wanted to be the cause of or on the receiving end of. But he owed it to her to be there, to be front and centre to finish it all off.

She was probably right. He couldn't really say what they were to each other before the day she left, but whatever it was they were now would be gone when her memories returned.

Crossing the street with no ambition or rush of any kind, Kakashi followed Genma into the large, mostly empty pub except for the odd pair of ninja drowning what they'd seen on their latest mission in the shot glasses on the bar.

"Early to drink, isn't it?" Kakashi mumbled.

"It's three. It's fine," Genma said calmly, not having any sort of inner rule about when drinking was designated to start.

They sat down at a table in the corner and Genma started in right away, not waiting for their drinks to be ordered or to see if Kakashi was even paying attention. "Yamanaka Ino caught me last night at HQ. You know the blond with the nice body? Just about Sakura's age?"

"Ah, the noisy one," Kakashi said off-handedly.

"That's her. She said she caught Tsutanai luring Sakura into the hotel he's staying at. She thinks he might have been using a jutsu," Genma hissed, waving over the tired-looking waitress who was taking her time fixing her stocking in plain view.

"What did she say it looked like?" Kakashi asked, finally finding something grabbing his interest away from the morning in bed with her.

"She said Sakura was glazed and dozy when she stopped them."

"Shit," Kakashi hissed. "Does the Hokage know?"

Genma shook his head and flicked his finger between himself and Kakashi. "I thought maybe we'd just take care of it on our end."

Kakashi tipped back in his chair, rubbing his hands roughly through his hair and taking deep breaths to clear out the garbage that continued to intrude on more pressing thoughts. "I need that drink now."

* * *

Sakura leaned heavily on her elbow, having just seen the last of the patients at the clinic, which was open late tonight. Night was already falling and the street lamps were flickering to brightness outside her office window. For the tenth time since going to work, she flipped open the book where she'd dogeared it and continued to read.

For a mission report, it was nice and detailed, and to be honest, quite interesting.

She'd been on a mission with some Jounin. It appeared three had been killed in a series of _"accidents"_ while investigating the target, and she was almost on her own at that point. If only she could remember them and what had happened.

Only she and one other Jounin remained, their cover not blown.

As she read on, things became a little clearer as to why she would have the book hidden instead of turning it in like she imagined she would have had to. Eventually, the last man in her squad disappeared and she was left to try and get clear of the mission on her own. The book was rounded with her emotions and fears of being killed. She had no way to contact anyone, and was unsure if her backup would ever come and extract her.

For at least two more hours, she continued to read, enthralled completely as if it were a work of fiction starring herself. Finally coming to the guts of the mission report, she found some things becoming clearer.

It seemed the enemy was overtly suspicious of her and she was expected to be at an event held by the target. The black kimono was described in detail so she knew exactly what she had been wearing as she moved from her designated room, shaking and frightened.

One paragraph stood out to her and she read it over and over.

_When I entered the great room from the upper stairs, a few heads turned to look at me in the black kimono. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I saw Hatake Kakashi standing among the crowd. He was wearing a blue yukata and not quite completely fitting in with the rest..._

She'd had a flash of that moment and could see it clearly in her mind.

And then it seemed to change as if it became a diary.

_I couldn't believe he was there. I was so relieved. I figured I would be killed but when I saw him among the other men, I knew I would live. My hope to survive the mission was all but gone, but just his presence made me know I'd make it out. I didn't even know he was assigned to the back up. _

Sakura's eyes widened, reading on as the personal thoughts continued, and the mission report became no more. She scanned quicker and more paragraphs caught her breath in her throat.

_Between the __two of us we managed to get out, but I did take a kunai to the shoulder. We eventually made it to the safe house and I had lost some blood. He ended up having to carry me for the last mile or two. It wasn't enough blood-loss to be concerned for my life, but it was enough that I felt weak. He'd given me credit for saving us in the end, but seeing him show up was enough to give me enough hope to try. _

_The rest of the back-up squad had not arrived at the safe-house and so Kakashi had to treat my wound until the back-up medic arrived. I was too weak to undress myself, so he had to do it for me. _

_I was frightened to have him take my clothes off. I know he was nervous too, but tried to make it look like it was nothing. Poor Kakashi had never had to act as medic before. _

_When he slipped the obi off me, and then had to take the Kimono off, he moved so slowly that it felt too intimate. I know he probably didn't want to pull it off and hurt me, but slow seemed too much like we were doing something we shouldn't have been. I'm sure he felt that too. He kept apologizing quietly, telling me that it would be over in a moment._

_My hands were shaking when he completely removed the kimono and I was left in only my underwear. I covered myself with my arms, but I was shaking so badly from fatigue and being cold and everything that happened on the mission that I started to cry._

_Kakashi tried to hush me, and he put his arms around me and held me tightly. I could feel the blood wetting his shirt sleeve against my back but he didn't stop. I think he even kissed my shoulder, but I can't be sure._

_He told me not to be embarrassed and that we would never tell anyone about this. I wasn't sure if he meant him taking my clothes off, hugging me, or that I was such a mess after the mission. I suppose I can't turn this in as my report anyway. _

_He used a towel and cleaned my wound. He found a blanket to cover me with and then carried me to one of the bedrooms. When he flipped the other blankets over me, I heard the door and figured it was the squad coming to retrieve us._

Sakura shook as she read on, finding descriptions of how the medic healed her, but because it was so long after the initial wound, she'd always have that little scar on her shoulder. She read how she kept the black kimono because the moment between them was so strong. And then she went on to describe how they arrived back in Konoha and reported the mission.

But then, the diary part of it seemed to happen again and even though it was after eleven o'clock at night, she had to know how it ended.

_I saw Kakashi today. He never mentioned anything about that part of the mission again. I can't stop thinking about everything that happened and the squad I'd survived. I feel horrible and empty. I want Kakashi to tell me what to do, but he doesn't want to talk about it. How do you handle your first mission like that? How do you forget the people that you left behind?_

_He wouldn't even sit with me at the memorial service._

_I feel like he's avoiding me for some reason. I feel like he's being cold. I can't tell Naruto what happened as he wouldn't understand. I don't know why I need to be with Kakashi and talk about this. But I feel like he's the only person who can know exactly what I'm feeling._

_I need to see him. He's probably training, like he always does or somewhere reading that stupid book. I'm going to look for him. I'll force what I need out of him if I have to._

And that's where it ended. Sakura's heart was pounding and her hands were shaking. What happened? Did she find him?

Leafing through the blank pages, hoping something was there, she found page after page of lined blank paper. The back of the book had her name printed neatly in the corner.

With another tired glance at the clock, she realized she should get home and rest as the day would start again early tomorrow and there would be people lined up in the waiting room, just like always.

Shrugging off her white coat and shivering in her light blouse, she wandered back home through the empty streets, visions of him slipping the black kimono from her bare shoulders with those long fingers just kept playing in her head. For the whole day, she hadn't seen or heard from him and wondered if he ended up at the hospital.

But the answers were coming. She could feel it.

* * *

Ito's small eyes watched the medic wandering along the street as if she was lost in thought and was in no rush. Now would be the perfect time to catch her and see if he could get back to the hotel with her. That damn blond had happened by at the completely wrong time, and it took all his inner strength to stop from showing how angry she'd made him.

There was still time.

All his hard work would not be for nothing.

As other people appeared on the street near Sakura, he felt he should wait. No sense raising alarm bells when he didn't need to.

She would be by again.

He still had a little time left. He could be patient.

* * *

Opening the door to her dark apartment, Sakura sighed and rubbed at the throb of that perpetual headache behind her forehead. Fatigue had set into her during the walk home and even though she tried to draw chakra in an attempt to move quickly, like she'd seen other ninja do, she couldn't even pull up a tiny bit.

But it was still there, flowing through her body and giving her the feeling of strength where she hadn't felt it before, so her legs had kept moving at a decent pace. It was her mind and spirit that was tired now.

Dropping her keys with a jingle onto the kitchen table and slapping the black book beside them, she looked at the streetlamp outside the window and considered just stripping her clothes off and falling into bed. Why bother turning on a light or eating? She was sure she was just moments away from sleep.

With a slight kick, she flipped off one dress shoe, but the clasp on the strap of the other caught in her pant leg and she sunk down on the hardwood to work at it. If it wasn't for the fact that her bed was just mere steps away, she would be tempted to lie down and stay there for the night.

"You're late tonight," Kakashi's voice said from very nearby her.

"What?" she hissed out, shocked that she hadn't felt a presence in her apartment only feet from her.

A light flicked on in the room, and Sakura looked up from where she sat on the floor to see Kakashi in the chair near the switch, reclining like he was half asleep. Both his eyes were exposed, his headband dangling from the arm of the chair. His vest was open and his hands were laced together over his stomach. He reached up and rubbed lazily at his chin before relacing his fingers, though his eyes stayed trained on her.

She could smell the booze on him from where she sat. "What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice strained.

"It's Tuesday night," he replied, breathing in deep and slow like someone who was warm with alcohol.

"Tuesday?" she repeated, narrowing her eyes. "Are you drunk?" she hissed.

"A little," he mumbled.

"Kakashi..."she sighed. "I had so many things I needed to talk to you about tonight."

"I presumed. I see you opened the box. When did you get your memories back?" He sat up a little, but slid back to slouch within seconds as if his energy had left him as well.

Sakura shuffled a little and crawled over to where he sat, sitting back down by his feet and laying her head against his knee. "You gave me that box, didn't you," she whispered, rubbing her cheek against the soft material of his pants as she curled an arm around around his leg.

"Hm," he grunted quietly.

"I don't have my memories, but I do have some chakra," she added, running her fingertips up and down his calf, and closing her eyes. She could smell the alcohol oozing from him as well as that deep scented cologne that made her stomach tingle.

"You healed me, you know. I saw some chakra in your system this morning." His voice was gravelly and raspy from being tired and drunk.

Sakura liked the sound of it, like she was listening to pillow talk with him. What she wouldn't give to be back in bed, his warmth against her among her soft blankets. "Why is Tuesday important?" she asked quietly, worried she might fall asleep so she opened her eyes. When he didn't immediatley answer, she lifted her head from his knee and looked up at him, tilting her head a little. A chill ran through her from the way his narrowed eyes were staring down at her. It wasn't anything stern or angry, but there was something intense in it.

Rolling up to her knees, she moved closer to him, slipping between his legs, bending her head down to press her lips to one of his thighs.

"Stop that," he hissed, but didn't move.

Again she peered up at him to see something in his half mast gaze that was more than just a look. Be it the alcohol or the quiet intimacy, she could see he wanted her and that famous self-control was crumbling.

"What do we do on Tuesdays?" she whispered again, this time putting her elbows on his thighs and running her hands over his hips under the open vest, but remaining for the moment over his other clothes. In the same movement, she laid her head down on his chest. It was hot against her skin under the black cotton and so she rubbed her cheek gently against him just a little.

His hand slid into her hair, stroking through the strands while twisting his fingers among it, playing with it like a lover might during something completely more sexual.

Sakura felt tingles through her body as he finally touched her. Each stroke through her hair and the scent of him right under her made her ache between her legs. She couldn't remember a moment of wanting him more. She sighed against the soft material of his shirt and his body tensed under her.

But still, he hadn't pushed her away.

Experimentally, she slid her hands up into his shirt, grazing her nails over the taut skin of his sides and pushing the hem of the material up to crouch lower and press her lips to his stomach, leaving featherlight kisses there. It fluttered under her attention and she smiled against his skin. His breathing was speeding up and the movements of his hand over her hair were less smooth, less controlled.

With one hand, she reached around and grazed him along his lower back, while the other crawled back to his thigh, clawing it softly with tense fingers and eliciting a sigh for her effort. She loved that small sound of want from him and so she repeated the action in hopes of hearing it again – which she did.

Finding herself emboldened by his responses, Sakura ran her fingertips along the the top of his pants, and then pressed her mouth to a spot just below to feel his erection tighten under her lips.

Kakashi hissed but it sounded more angry that pleasurable, and his hand fisted in her hair. His other hand rushed to push her back and she straightened up to look at him in surprise.

"I said don't..." he ground out and Sakura could hear the effort in it.

"Why are you here?" she asked, looking wounded. Pushing herself up from the floor as his hand slid away from her hair, she kept her knees bent and fell lightly against him so that the line of her body lay along his. Without any protest from him, she slid her arms around his neck and buried her head against his throat. And with just a tip of her chin, she was able to press kisses on his jawline as his hands crawled to her hips.

"I assumed you got your memories back. I was here to talk," he whispered, running his fingers up and down her sides.

"I want to talk, but right now I'd find it too hard to concentrate," she hummed against his throat, sliding a hand up into his shirt far enough to brush across his chest. Obviously he was struggling with pushing her away this time, and she couldn't help but take advantage of it. Getting to her feet, she moved to one side and slid a leg over his to straddle his hips. She could feel how hard he still was between her legs.

Taking a chance that his self-control was still absent, she leaned slowly forward and brushed his lips with hers, her hands lightly planted along his jawline. When he didn't react to push her away, she pressed her mouth to his and gained a response for once. Light touches teased her as his hands rubbed over her thighs, his fingers squeezing as she slid her tongue into his mouth, earning a growl of pleasure from him as well.

When she lifted one of his hands to her breast, he was undone.

Standing up and grabbing her under her thighs to hold her up, Kakashi carried her to the bedroom, still kissing her.

Sakura wrapped her legs around him, only letting go when they fell on the bed.

"Have we done this before?" she whispered as his mouth went to her throat.

"Yes," Kakashi breathed against the dip at the base of her neck, his fingers tugging at the bottom of her blouse where it was still tucked into her pants to free it. His efforts were sloppy and slow though, his hands clumsy.

"How many times?" she ground out as he pushed her shirt up and pressed a kiss to her stomach, making it twitch from the soft touch.

"Many," he mumbled, slowing down his attention and falling back to the bed beside her. For a moment, he put a hand over his eyes.

"How did this start between us?" she asked, dismayed by his sudden lack of sexual amibtion, but suddenly desperately curious because he was finally telling her things.

"A fight," he whispered groggily.

"What?" she hissed.

But he didn't respond at first. His breathing was slowing, getting heavier, louder.

"A fight..." he trailed off.

After another moment of staring at him wide-eyed, Sakura saw his arm fall to the bed. He was asleep – or rather, passed out.

So they'd slept together...many times...

Temptation to wake him and ask more questions tickled her sensibility, but he would probably not be a good source of information, or reliable for that matter, in his current state.

If she had to tie him to the bed, she'd get her answers. There was no getting away this time.

* * *

I'm sorry. I really was planning to get it all out in this chapter but it was soooo long. I'll try to get the next one out soon. Please remember the rating is M for the next update.


	11. The Pearl

Chapter 11 – The Pearl

* * *

Sakura woke to a roll of thunder and jolted upright in her bed – her empty bed, in her empty apartment.

"Damn it, Kakashi!" she shouted, rolling fast off of the mattress and stomping to her bathroom. Taking less than ten minutes to shower, and do all the compulsory bathroom duties of her morning, Sakura tugged on a white t-shirt, clean underwear and a dirty pair of jeans that she found crumpled behind her door. She pinned a chunk of her unruly pink bangs back so she could see, but left the rest to hang down loose and long. A pair of flip-flops rounded out the ensemble and she was off into the rain-strewn, muddy streets of Konoha before a normal person could even blink.

The rain was trying to be more than just cold drizzle, but she ignored it as her toes numbed and her skin shivered. Her feet snapped in the puddles, splashing her jeans and any person within a foot of her as she ran headlong down the sidewalks, past all the things she now knew. Shops she'd entered, all the sidewalks she'd tread, and people she'd met over the last few weeks slipped by as the thunder continued to rumble overhead.

Her breath sped up and soft misty puffs rose from her lips into the cold air, and only then did she realize that the temperature had dropped overnight and she was underdressed.

When she finally reached Kakashi's apartment, she stopped before reaching his step and bent double to catch her breath. Of course, he might not be there and she would have to chase him down even if it took all day, but she hoped so deeply he was. The tightness in her chest clenched harder while she imagined herself knocking on it and having to wait. Sakuraclosed her eyes and willed him to be there, willed him to answer that door. She couldn't take another moment of waiting, of wondering and the everpresent frustration at his hands.

Taking slow steps despite her numb feet, Sakura finally approached Kakashi's steps, trying to think of all the things she needed to say to him, all the right words that would get him to talk. But of course, ninja were good at avoidance and lying and staying cold to things – or so she had witnessed. Was that how she was in her former life?

When she finally stood at his door, both chilled feet planted firmly and a hand ready to knock, she hesitated. The rain pattered softly around her, tapping on the railings and rooftops, filling the dull morning with sound and a wet cloying scent that stuck in the back of her throat and nose. She fanned her fingers against the wood, wondering if he'd just open it like he had before. He could smell her, feel her, and hear her with only just her quiet presence nearby. The strawberry shampoo and the lavender soap she used would telegraph who she was.

She waited.

But the door didn't open.

Heat rose in her face from anger when she remembered everything he'd done to keep out of her life.

So without knocking, she put her hand on the doorknob to find it unlocked and turning with no effort. Taking that as a good omen, she thrust the door open and stomped inside, slamming the it hard behind her.

From his lazy lean on his kitchen counter, Kakashi looked unfazed at her from over his orange book as the kettle bubbled and hissed beside him. His mask was down, headband nowhere to be seen, dressed in just his black jounin clothes. His vest hung on the back of a chair in the kitchen.

"Spill it," she demanded, clenching her fists at her sides. "Now!"

"Perhaps you should calm down first," Kakashi mumbled as his eyes dropped back down to the pages and he seemingly ignored her fit, which only elevated her ire to epic levels.

"Why did you leave again?" she growled, "I'm so tired of chasing you down for what you should have told me ages ago. Is it that hard to be truthful with me?"

"I'm not much for chatting with morning breath and bed head," he said offhandedly.

"You think this is funny? No one is drunk and no one has to leave. You have no excuses now," Sakura finally shouted at him in frustration. "Damn it all, I'm so sick of this!"

Kakashi closed his book with a snap, and locked his mismatched eyes with her narrowed ones. "No, I do not actually find any of this funny," he said coolly, then got up from the counter and dropped his book on the kitchen table with a snap.

The smack of the leather cover on the wood made her jump a little and she realized he was reacting completely different than she had anticipated. Where in her mind had she come up with the vision that he'd crumble and hold her hand while he told her everything? He looked pissed with a creased brow and tight mouth – something she hadn't seen since she first tried to kiss him right there on the couch.

"I…I think you…should…" Sakura stammered as she took a couple of steps away to put the table between them for a false sense of security.

"Should what?" he bit out as his eyes followed her.

"Tell me about how this all got started," she prompted, gulping down her nervousness "You admitted to me last night that we'd been intimate _many_ times. And don't tell me you don't remember saying that," she added with an accusatory finger, finding it harder and harder to meet his intense stare. She dropped her eyes down to her wet flip flops and then raised them back up to see he wasn't where she expected.

"I remember," he spoke onto a spot on the back of her neck, his fingertips holding the hair out of his way. The feel of his warm breath tingled along her damp skin. Reflexively, she took a step forward, jerking away from the strong hand on her waist.

"You're trying to distract me," she accused, awkwardly making her way to the other side of the sofa, believing it was a better barrier than the table. "I won't let you do that this time."

"What did you really come here for then?" he said mildly, leaning back against the table and watching her with crossed arms. "Just a couple of memories you'd probably rather forget?"

"All these fucking secrets you keep from me, that's what I want!" she half-shouted but bit her lip when he rose up from the table to approach her slowly. Again she moved with him, keeping something between them all the time. "Tell me how this started. Tell me why I was crying the first time you kissed me. What did you mean when you said we started with a fight?"

Kakashi rubbed a hand against his cheek and stared at her. "It happened just after that mission you wrote about in the book. You were angry with me just like you are now," he began, his eyes trained on her face, his feet still carrying him toward her. "You found me training in a clearing by the water the afternoon after the memorial. You came at me and we fought...hard."

"We fought hard?"

"Violently, actually. You stabbed me in the chest and I bruised your cheek."

"Was I crying because I was angry?"

"Not then. We fought until we were both spent. We fought until I had to hold you down to stop you from hurting us both more. Then you cried from frustration and exhaustion and whatever else was going on in your head."

"Why was I like that?"

Kakashi took another step closer, and Sakura shifted away quickly, still feeling angry but captivated by the idea that he was finally talking. She almost didn't remember to keep her distance.

"Because I'd been avoiding you. That mission was hard and a lot of people were killed. We all have our ways of dealing with it, but you didn't...not then. You needed me to help you and I didn't. I couldn't. That night at the safe-house, I'd crossed the line that I'd drawn for us."

"What? Tending my wound is crossing the line?" Sakura creased her brow in confusion.

"No, Sakura. Slowly peeling your clothes off and staring at you was crossing the line. For days after that I couldn't get the image of you naked and shaking out of my head. I couldn't even hear your name without imagining what I wanted to do to you."

Her eyes widened, pulse raced. "D..did you tell me this that night we fought?"

Kakashi laughed quietly, but it wasn't happy. "I've never told you that. And we didn't get as far as talking..."

"How far did we get?" she asked with a tremble to her voice, pressing her shaking hand over her eyes to try and calm her nerves.

"Do you really want to know?" Kakashi asked darkly, and Sakura found he was right in front of her when she put her hand down, industriously taking advantage of every time she dropped her eyes.

Her throat tight, Sakura could only nod as she fumbled the wet hem of her shirt, drawing his eyes to it before they traced slowly over the rest of her. She took a timid step backward, but he matched her.

"You were crying and we were still wrestling. I was trying to stop you from hitting me and you were grabbing at me. We both knew a fight wasn't what you really wanted. It wasn't what I wanted either. You pulled my mask down and when you got close enough, you kissed me hard. I made a half-assed attempt to stop you but eventually I couldn't even stop myself..." Again he stepped closer, making her back up until she bumped the couch arm and turned a little to find a free path.

Mental images flew through her head of what it might have looked like. The idea of wanting him so badly made her body warm and her skin shiver with goosebumps. She was well acquainted with that need to be near him and knew how it could drive her mad sometimes when he would stop her. Truly, none of the reactions he described were a surprise.

"And then…?" Her voice was breathier than she wanted it to be, and she found herself a little excited by the idea that her former self could seduce him like that to the point he couldn't resist.

"Isn't it obvious?" he replied, moving around the edge of the sofa as well until he was almost in front of her.

"We…made love…?"

"No, Sakura. We fucked each other out there because we both needed to get it out of our systems. It was rough and fast, barely even a kiss. I pinned you up against a tree with your shirt half-open. I ripped your panties trying to get them out of my way. I didn't even take off my vest. All I cared about was getting between your legs, and all you cared about was getting me there as well."

"Wh...what...?"

"It sounds wrong, doesn't it…" he said quietly, forcing her to move backwards with each step closer until she realized her legs bumped the edge of the bed. After a double take at the rumpled sheets, she shuffled over and turned to head back to the door, but he was there, one hand firmly on her waist, one around her wrist until he'd pinned her up against the wall. Sakura's back was flush with the plaster and Kakashi's body leaned along hers – not roughly, but enough for her to feel she couldn't get away.

"Is that the end of it?" she whispered, shocked that he was taking over, and more shocked that she liked it, like the feel of him against her, and liked giving him the control. She closed her eyes as his mouth touched the spot just below her ear.

"It never ended," he whispered between gentle kisses along her throat, his strong fingers still tight around her wrist and squeezing her waist. "I'd come home at night and find you in my bed waiting for me and your clothes all over the floor." His breath tickled her ear.

"Because…because I loved you?"

"Love never had anything to do with it."

"That's not true," she breathed out, closing her eyes a little as his warm tongue traced the shell of her ear. "I love you. I loved you then. I could feel it in the memory of healing your throat."

* * *

Kakashi paused his attention, thinking about the moment that she hovered over him, pressing chakra into his throat, saving his life. He'd never seen that look on her face before. Something was running through her head, but she never said what.

As soon as they arrived back, she quit them, quit whatever it was that they had, and all he could say to it was, "I understand." – a regret among regrets.

Too late to get that moment back.

"You don't love me," he whispered against her cheek as his free hand smoothed along her jaw line on the other side. "You just loved this."

Sakura closed her eyes and whispered back, "…did I?"

"And this is what you really came for," he breathed against her throat.

"Yes," she groaned quietly, a stain of desperation to it.

Kakashi smiled with her quick agreement, but felt guilty nonetheless. She was just giving in to him and stopping the questions because, from recent experience, she worried he would leave her wanting again. Honestly, he really didn't have any intention of stopping this time, but he could understand where her trepidation was coming from. All along, he'd been trying to do the right thing and push her away until her memories resurfaced. Now he just wanted her, and had he been sober last night, he would have had her.

Since her injury, he'd tried to fool himself into thinking he was being selfless because he'd wanted to take her up on every moment she'd come to him. But if he was being honest with himself, the idea of dealing with the angry fall out when her memory returned was a completely selfish avoidance.

That first seduction she'd attempted when they'd fallen asleep on his couch was so hard to fight off. He was glad she'd listened and went home. The bar was worse, and when she was drunk in the red dress, he wanted to slide his hand under it. Even watching her leave with the Hyuuga had incited a pang of jealousy - which was a real first for him.

Hell, he probably loved her, but what this Sakura was feeling was not real. A product of her rescue or the need of someone lost in her own skin, her claim of love wasn't valid. In all the months they'd been lovers, she'd never even hinted at loving him. In fact, the day she left on that mission, all he felt from her was hate.

The declarations of love were so off character for her, but when she came stomping through his door, shouting and angry, she was Sakuraagain. She was the confident woman who would push him to his own bed and stand above him while she peeled her clothes off just to get him going. Since her dismissal of their relationship as lovers, he missed the feel of her skin and the sighs of her pleasure. He missed the heat of her body and the way she molded to him while she slept. Even innuendo over coffee was a fond part of their games, and to be completely honest with himself, he loved the ordinary conversations over breakfast.

The girl with him now was breathing fast, tightening her fingers on his shoulders and whispering out acceptance of anything he wanted to do to her. She was another version of the woman he was intwined with – but he could still see the other part of her inside.

He knew he'd give in eventually;he wanted her so badly, it was like a strong taste in his mouth. Maybe he'd never get this chance again. Better to beg forgiveness later than to ask for permission now – wasn't that the saying?

Dismissing any thought of what came next from his tired mind, Kakashi slid his hands down her sides, tightening his fingers on the back of her thighs. Effortlessly, he lifted her against the wall, and she obligingly wrapped her legs around him.

She made a throaty gasp of shock and excitement as his erection pressed against her. Again he kissed her, sliding his tongue into her mouth to feel hers eagerly sliding against it. In all that she'd forgotten about herself, she still kissed him just the same as she always had.

But sadly, having her against the wall was a bad reminder of that rough moment against that tree and guilt filled him for the millionth time in her presence. He couldn't do that to them again – couldn't make everything about the sex, about getting off. That first time had set the tone for the whole relationship, making it raw and dirty – not that she'd objected, nor he. But in the past few weeks since she'd ended them and since she'd become another person, he missed her at moments when he didn't imagine he ever would.

When the coffee shop was half-empty and the scent of a rum cake filled his acute senses, he'd think of a random conversation they'd have on any normal Wednesday morning after their Tuesday night together. The sound of a spoon tapping the sides of a mug would bring back the many times she'd lovingly made him a tea during the pleasantries before fucking each other senseless for hours.

She didn't havethose memories anymore. They were all his to dwell on at times when he should be working or doing something constructive.

Making love to her in the shower, and having her go down on him in her office at the hospital was all his. Tending his wounds on the nights he came back from rough missions, and then having her trace the parts of his body with her tongue that didn't hurt were lost from her mind. Listening to her breathe his name in her sleep would never belong to anyone else. And the way she'd look at him when she said goodbye in the morning was locked there behind his eyes.

"Slow down," he murmured against her throat, trying to coax his body into being patient for her.

"Is something wrong," she asked quietly, her arms so tightly wound around his neck there was no space between them.

Gripping Sakura gently so he could hold her up, Kakashi took the two steps to the bed and fell on top of her. Her heels dug into the mattress and he shifted so he could lie against her, lie perfectly between her bent legs – in the place he loved to be the most.

"I'm eager," he whispered, looking at her, "Sorry."

Sakura bit her lip in response.

"I want to take off your clothes and put my mouth everywhere," he breathed against the collar of her damp, white t-shirt. The jolt of her body tensing in reaction to that didn't escape his attention, and he smiled despite himself.

If she were the old Sakura, he might have heard her respond with a, "then hurry and get started." This Sakura, blushing from each touch and so stunned by the sensations that she couldn't even think of reciprocating, was like being with a different woman.

And then the realization hit him. Even though he was not her first lover, not the first man to ever put his hands on her, or make love to her – she couldn't remember a single moment of it. To her, this was her first time with anyone. Even if she knew what her past was, it was like a fictional story someone would tell her, not something tangible that she could recollect firsthand. Her former self would tell him what she wanted, was verbal and bold about how much pleasure she expected. This Sakura would have to learn all those things again. Of course, she wasn't like that to begin with that first few times they had sex, but eventually, it all became about wanting to please and be pleasured. They'd found that comfort that old lovers had – nothing was taboo. There was no restraint.

Taking it a little slower and letting her sounds and reactions guide him, Kakashi brushed his lips along her damp t-shirt, pressing a gentle kiss every inch or two. When he reached her breast, he flicked at her raised nipple through the fabric with his tongue.

Sakura drew in a breath through her clenched teeth.

Still so sensitive…

He continued his attention on her breast, nipping it and grazing it with his teeth while she hitched a little, desiring to arch into his mouth, but holding back. He didn't want her to feel restrained, but he understood why and wouldn't force her to be more than she was ready to be. Already, from so much experience, he knew how her body worked, what she liked and what she wanted so he'd give her what he could in the short time he had. She didn't have to show him.

His warm fingers crawled under her shirt, tracing a light pattern until he felt the curve of her breast against his fingertips. He teased her skin, cupping her, holding it for his tongue, until she groaned softly. Then he lifted the edge of the shirt, pulling it out of his way to enjoy the rosy bud firsthand. The fabric was a pleasant element to the teasing, but her naked breast was so much nicer under his tongue when it was hard and tight.

Pushing the fabric higher, Kakashi shuffled a little to encourage Sakura to removeit, which she did with shaking fingers. He drank in the sight of her pale, smooth skin, tracing a finger along her shoulder and across her collarbone before locking her gaze to observe how much she enjoyed the rough pad of his thumb flicking her nipple.

Her eyes fluttered momentarily and she drew in her bottom lip to wet it with her tongue.

He'd seen that so many times before, but never stopped enjoying it.

Shifting forward and gaining a small hum when his erection rubbed against her, Kakashi desired her mouth. Her soft pink lips were an obsession with him anymore and were the first thing he looked at when he saw her. In some of his worst private moments, he would get hard just thinking about her pretty mouth wrapping around his length when she would take control. The odd night, when she drank, she would make him lie still while she did whatever she wanted to him.

He never encouraged her sobriety…ever.

His kiss was slow and methodical, using his tongue to encourage hers, bring it forward. He teased it out of her mouth and then sucked on it, making her groan and whimper. He'd had a woman teach him that when he was fourteen, and in twenty years, he never forgot the instant reaction his own body made. This morning, he desired to re-teach Sakura all those things they taught each other or discovered together, but there wasn't enough time.

He brushed her lips with his to tease her, and then kissed her deeply, living in the sensation of owning that pretty mouth. For ages he kissed her, running a hand behind her neck while his fingers slid into her hair. She responded so much to that kiss, just like always. Her soft hums into his mouth were draining his self-control, but they'd done this a million times before – he could keep the pace…for now.

Again, he moved to her throat, using open-mouthed kisses to devour her inch by inch. The smoothness of her skin felt good under his tongue and he flicked at the spot where he felt her pulse beating heavy and fast. A hand began to explore her body, rolling her nipple and then tracing down her breast to her tight abdomen. His mouth followed soon after as he shifted lower and lower, giving extra attention to the spots on her stomach that fluttered and hitched.

And in so much of a contrast to the girl he took to his bed last time, she lay still, enjoying the feel of fingers on her everywhere for the first time.

Rolling lightly to one side, he slowly rubbed his hand over her thigh before a finger traced the top edge of her jeans. When his fingers reached the button, he snapped it open and continued to ease down the zipper to reveal the light pink cotton panties underneath.

Sakura seemed to freeze when his skilled hands began to move into her pants, running along her hip between the denim and the cotton. A quick glance showed Kakashi that she'd twisted her hands into the blanket so hard her knuckles were turning white.

Again, he couldn't help but smile.

* * *

The rain pattered on the windows, and when Sakura's gaze shifted to it, she could see the drizzle filling the air under the grey sky. The room was quiet except for the sound of their limbs moving across the crisp sheets in soft drags. Sometimes the sound of a kiss on her skin, her heavy breathing or her own sigh broke through the quiet.

The sound of her zipper was loud, and from that, her heart seemed to drum out an intense rhythm.

Kakashi rose up at the end of the bed and artfully rolled the damp jeans away from her body, encouraging her to tilt her bottom up to allow the complete removal of her garments. She heard the light thud of the wet denim hitting the floor along with her panties. Then a softer thud concluded the removal of what remained of his clothes as well.

A nervous glance up and she could see Kakashi standing there, watching her, drinking in every inch of her naked body. Without realizing, her hand crawled over her breast and she squeezed her legs together, curling her body a little.

A warm hand slid under her calf, rubbing back and forth as Kakashi's knee made the bed dip while he crawled back on to move along her body.

"Everything I see is perfect, Sakura. Don't cover up," he said sincerely, as the soothing hand climbed higher, coaxing her thighs apart.

He was moving so slowly, touching her, kissing places she didn't expect like the inside of her knee and the top of her thigh, the curve at her hip and so on, even pausing to give added attention to her breasts again. His fingers found the spot between her legs and he rubbed lightly over her clitoris, encouraging her hips to raise and lower as she tried to add to the friction.

Sakura ran her hands over his shoulders and then swept her fingers through his hair, tugging gingerly. His expert attentions were getting her wet, his fingers gliding between her legs so smoothly. She pulled a little harder on his hair than she should have as the excitement built up from the point where he touched her.

Rolling back on top of her, a warm thigh pushed lightly on the inside of hers and she spread her legs for him. And while locking his mismatched eyes on hers and hovering above her on his elbows, he shifted just enough to be poised at her entrance, moving his hips forward enough so that he was just inside. Sakura's legs crossed over the back of his, tightening and pulling him forward against his warm legs. It was time for him to giveover, to give up on holding back. To Sakura, it was symbolic in that he would be hers and that she had finally gotten everything she wanted. Nothing could make her happier than having her first moment of ecstacy joined with him.

"Kakashi…" she whispered, running a hand along his face. _I want you, I want you, I want you_, ran through her head but she didn't have the courage to say it.

In reciprocation to her touch and he sound of his voice speaking his name, Kakashi brushed some hair from her face with two fingers and then kissed her again, immersing her in his desire. And with a slight shift, he entered her with a smooth motion.

Sakura groaned, tipping her head back, squeezing her thighs on his hips while he ran wet kisses over her throat.

After a moment of watching her reactions, he jerked hips again to thrust into her, making her sigh and breathe heavy. She was already so close it was disappointing. She wanted to make love to him all day, until she couldn't lift a limb to touch him.

Another thrust, and this time he let out a sound to accompany hers.

Sakura's hands slid down to his lower back, trying to crush him against her.

With her desperate coaxing, a harder thrust followed another.

Kakashi would pause, and Sakura felt that just a movement could send her over the edge while they lay together, staring at each other. It was intense and intimate - everything she'd been wanting.

Pressing his knees into the mattress, Kakashi used the leverage to enter her harder and she felt the growing feeling in the spot where their bodies connected. With each jolt inside her, she could feel the tightening sensation that was building up around him. It spiked through her each time he buried himself deep within her and soon it began to feel good even when he wasn't moving.

And then it finally came like a rush of power, tightening in her lower half, spiralling through her abdomen and between her legs. She panted loudly as it built around him and he responded by pressing his forehead to her shoulder and pushing inside faster, and deeper.

Sakura's hips rose to meet each thrust as she groaned out her orgasm, tipping her head back and arching against him. A long moan escaped her as she squeezed her eyes shut and gritted her teeth.

Kakashi's thrusts became erratic and fervent and then he seemed to strain deep inside her, holding there, holding his breath until a quiet groan escaped him. When it was over, little by little, he began to move and although he held himself up from falling completely on Sakura, Kakashi laid his forehead on her shoulder. Lightly, she dragged her nails over his back, making patterns and spirals, hoping to keep him there on top of her for a while.

He was breathing heavy and she lay still and listened to him. And then it hit her that he had done everything, and she had not returned the attention at all.

But she wanted to laugh and cry with how good it felt and how much lovewelled up in her chest. It seemed like she was finally getting the things she wanted and she could live that life. She didn't need to be or know the old Sakura if she could just stay like this with him.

"Kakashi…" she began, but didn't know what to say. She just wanted to say his name.

"Are you all right?" he asked quietly, finally rolling off of her and tugging the sheet from under their legs to throw it over her.

Sakura nodded, wanting to tell him it was magnificent and could they do it again, but he looked a little less excited by it all than she did.

"I'll be right back," he said quietly, planting a quick kiss on her forehead. He rolled off the bed and gathered his pants from the floor at the end before walking calmly to his bathroom and shutting the door.

Sakura lay still, worried she'd done something wrong, or worried he was shifting back to the man that constantly pushed her away. Was it bad for him? Should she have done more?

The gurgle of running water and some fumbling in the bathroom sounded from behind the closed door.

She pressed her fingers to her eyes, wondering if she should get dressed or leave. But as the thoughts raced through her head, he emerged again wearing his pants.

"Was that…okay for you?" she asked timidly as she sat up and pulled the sheet around her.

Kakashi paused at the end of the bed and smiled, but it wasn't overly happy. He eased over near where she was sitting and sat down himself, reaching up to run his fingers along her throat. "It was perfect, Sakura," he whispered against her ear before kissing her cheek.

"But?" she mumbled.

He sighed, "I have something I have to do. I'm sorry."

Almost on cue, there was a knock at the door. Kakashi leaned over and grabbed the crumpled black shirt off the end of the bed from where he'd drop it, working it up in his hands to the neck before slipping it over Sakura's head. She pushed her arms through and tugged it down, suddenly dismayed that already they were being interrupted.

"I'll be back in about eight hours. I'll come and meet you at your place and we'll talk this out if you want," he added, standing up and grabbing fresh shirts from his closet next to the bed.

"I…okay," she huffed reluctantly. Her heart sank.

Another hard knock sounded at the door, and Genma's voice boomed through, "Hurry up, Hatake!"

Kakashi, fumbling on the sleeveless shirt and his regular jounin shirt, then tugged up his mask and glanced at her perfunctorily before trudging to the door to open it.

"You're late. And I know it's expected for you but Raido's got duty at nine and it's your shift, bastard," Genma grumbled, rubbing his eyes and looking overtly tired. "Dickhead has been holed up at the hotel, but I suspect he's moving soon."

"Just give me a second," Kakashi replied evenly to Genma.

Sakura shuffled to the end of the bed and watched Genma pull a senbon from his hip pack and slide it into his mouth. When the tall brunette's eyes caught her movement and shifted to hers, the senbon fell and he'd had to scramble to catch it. "Shit, sorry," he mumbled unembarrassed, shock apparent on his face.

Sakura couldn't help grinning sheepishly while tugging the shirt down over her knees.

Kakashi finished rummaging in a bag and adjusted the headband onto his head. He sat down at his kitchen table, donned his wrappings and finished off by securing his hip pack, leg holster and sliding on his vest.

"I'll wait outside," Genma blurted out and opened the door to leave, but he turned back once to wink at Sakura with a cheeky smile before he stepped out the door.

Kakashi shut the door behind him with a light click and returned back to the bed to find Sakura sitting on the end. He bent to kiss her forehead through his mask, and then stood up and sighed, "I would have liked this to happen when we had more time. But I'll catch up with you after I'm finished with this."

Feeling dejected, Sakura watched him cross the room without seeing her nod, and sliding his feet into his shoes, he opened the door, glanced back, and was gone.

The room seemed eerily quiet after he'd left and her head spun with everything that just happened. She felt sated, but suddenly lonely. She felt connected to him, but still distant.

Confused - she was completely confused. In all the fantasies about making love to Kakashi, he was much more loving after…

Maybe this was why she had ended it? Could that confused feeling grow enough that she couldn't take it anymore?

Falling back to the bed, she glanced at the clock to see it was already eight thirty.

"Oh damn," she hissed, jolting up when realizing she had to be at work in half an hour. Had they really been at it that long?

She tried not to grin as she searched the floor for her clothes.

* * *

The rain had stopped momentarily, but the streets were still dirty and wet. Shops were opening and ninja were heading for their missions and rounds, dressed in the same uniform Kakashi had slipped out in that morning.

It wasn't far to her apartment, but she trudged on slowly, reliving everything that happened. She still couldn't believe he'd just made love to her, and she still couldn't believe that he had finally given in. But in the end, she was left wondering where it all stood.

He was gentle and tender, just what her first time should be like, she thought. Even though she knew her first time was with Naruto, Sakura couldn't help but associate those feelings with Kakashi. From now on, he was her first.

She rubbed the soft material of his black shirt against her stomach, and then lifted up the cuff to her face to breathe in his scent. Already she was desperate for the day to be over. It was going to be a long one filled with just more waiting.

"Haruno Sakura-san?" a male voice asked with a hint of desperation.

"Hm?" she replied as she watched a young man trot over quickly, his hands shaking and his dark eyes wide.

"It is you! I need your help," he huffed out, bending over to catch his breath. My wife is pregnant and fell just outside the main entrance to the village. She won't let me move her. I was on my way to the hospital for a medic when I saw you," he said anxiously.

"Oh, show me where!" Sakura grabbed his arm and half-pointed while taking some steps in the direction of the entrance.

The man pulled out of her grasp and then clamped onto her wrist, nearly dragging her to the main entrance. The guards seemed to pay them no attention and she suddenly felt suspicious. Why weren't they doing anything? Wouldn't he have asked them to help first?

"Where did you say your wife was?" Sakura mumbled, slowing her steps just outside the doorway. "Perhaps we should involve the gate security."

The man stopped and looked at Sakura, his brow creasing as he began to shake his head. "Too smart," he smirked.

Sakura's eyes widened and she took a step back to run toward the entrance, but something sharp was at her side.

"Stay still and wave at the guards," Ito's voice hissed from behind her. "This is a syringe, my dear, not a kunai. I'd hate to stop your lovely heart right here."

Feeling suddenly like she had no options, Sakura raised a tense hand to the two men on the top of the wall who were watching. The trembling began and she found her knees getting weak. When the gate security ninja turned away, she felt the twist in her stomach as she remembered the aftermath of her last dealing with her enemy who was now revealed to be Ito after all. It cost memories last time. What would be the price this time?

"Walk forward on the left path," he added hastily, poking her side.

Sakura felt the tingle of pain up her back where he poked her, and so she took a few steps at his bidding. They continued to walk until the gate was no longer in shouting distance and the feeling of inevitable death started to crawl up her spine.

The second man who'd coaxed her out stopped in front of her and lifted his chin in amusement. "You _don't_ remember me, do you? I guess I hit you one too many times."

"Shit," Sakura whispered, just before the thump on the back of her head, and just before everything went dark.

* * *

Thanks to icarust for reading all the versions of this chapter and betaing the last one. I really hate this chapter. I'm thinking 2 more at most.

If you're wondering about the title, "The Pearl" is a song by the Trews about wanting something more than anything else. The idea sort of fit.


	12. Water Over the Dam

Chapter 12, Poor Imitation

Water over the Dam

_Thanks to modern day portia for her amazing and wonderful betaing skills. I don't deserve you. One more for this one, folks._

* * *

Genma scratched his head, a slow hand rubbing through his long hair, and sighed deeply. "I'm so tired," he yawned as he trudged along in front of the copy-nin down the leaf covered sidewalk toward the suites for VIP's.

Kakashi, for the life of him, couldn't manage to formulate any sort of response. His feet followed the path but his mind was still back in that dark apartment with her. How could he just leave Sakura there alone like that after his ridiculous slip up? How could he possibly explain to her that he'd given in to everything he had sworn he wouldn't because he was a coward in the face of losing her?

He'd spent hours beside her in bed the night before just thinking about it.

He didn't want to give her up. Not yet…maybe not ever.

Countless times he'd taken her to bed, but never like that. Every sigh she made, every shiver and moan was new. He felt like he'd been to bed with a different woman all together, yet she was still the same one – the only one he wanted.

For so long, he'd managed to resist, but when she stomped through the door, it was Sakura – his Sakura. She looked, sounded and smelled like all his favourite things. How could he not take advantage of the situation? She wanted him as much as he wanted her – just as it had always been. Who could say no to that?

"You okay?" Genma's rasped sleepily.

Kakashi's eye rolled up from the dirt to meet Genma's and he mumbled uncharacteristically, "No. Not really."

"I'd be okay if I woke up where you did," Genma snickered. "I wondered when she'd get the best of you."

"She didn't," Kakashi sighed. _Never even close_.

"Come again?"

The Copy-nin felt regret plunge through his stomach. Was he still drunk? Why would he do that when he knew…?

"Hey?" The senbon in Genma's mouth stopped moving as he tightened his teeth. "What the hell is the matter?"

Kakashi stared through Genma, his chest hollow.

Maybe not today or tomorrow, but very soon he knew it would end. The chakra wedged in Sakura's brain had disintegrated to a speck. When she entered his apartment he could tell that it was only a matter of time before all her memories flooded back into her pretty head like a deluge.

Selfishly, he had taken the opportunity to feel her warm skin against his one last time in haste, because he could see that time had run out.

* * *

A dull throb in the left side of her face awoke Sakura and she hissed out an expletive, desperately wanting to rub a hand against it only to find them bound behind her back so tightly her fingers felt cold and numb. They'd struck her head and knocked her out, so why the hell bother to hit her face?

As her tired eyes fought to open, grey morning light revealed that she hadn't been out of it that long, and the density of the forest told her that she hadn't been taken too far from the gates. The thick, cloying scent of wet dirt and mossy bark stuck in her throat.

"She doesn't remember. We'll have more time when we get there so we shouldn't stop to rest. Let's just keep moving," Ito growled to another man nearby, and Sakura's blurry vision tracked the animated movements as his hands waved angrily in the other man's face. "It won't be long before they realize she's gone."

"If I don't get an indication that this is going to work, I'm going to kill her _and_ you this time," the other man, whom she didn't recognize, answered

Strange, she thought, it was familiar – his voice. In her mind, the sound was like a distant fragmented memory, like remembering a smile - but not the face. It drifted upon her vague conscious like a gauze curtain that someone stood just behind.

And Ito…there was something about him she was supposed to remember…

It hurt her head to try.

Then, like a flash of lighting behind her eyes, it came again. For days and days it had evaded her. Just like the last time Neji tapped her with his expert fingers, sparks of memories stomped into her head on lead boots, kicking her as they gave violent glimpses of her past.

She saw Kakashi with his mask down looking stunned as she cried in his apartment; Sasuke with his arm over Naruto's shoulder, hissing in his ear during a moment in which Sakura felt emotionally unstable; Hyuuga Hinata kissing Naruto's cheek in praise; Ino sobbing into her shoulder over the only man she ever loved. It pinched her eyes, stabbed her gut, wrenched her spine as it came, making her pull her knees up to her chest tightly and groan out the pain.

Her hand flicking Kakashi's off her arm in anger; Tsunade's sad eyes staring at a picture of a man whom Sakura never met; her mother's soft hums filling her bedroom as Sakura stared at the small lilac painted nightlight beside her bed.

"Make it stop!" she screamed out, feeling as though she'd left the ground and was spinning so fast she might be sick.

"What's wrong with her?" a third man shouted out nearby as hands clamped onto her legs, trying to stop her body from jerking out of control.

But then slowly, under their tight fingers and bruising holds, Sakura stilled as if someone had pulled the plug and drained out the pain - the familiar way it always left her feeling hollow. All that remained was the dull throb at the back of her head and the awareness that death was so close she could almost taste it.

"Haruno Sakura-san," Ito's voice hitched angrily. "Tell me where my documents are and you can go home."

Heavy and weak, Sakura's head turned from the soft spot it lay in among weeds and cool sandy dirt. She managed to crack one green eye open a millimetre to look up the red and seething face of Tsutanai Ito above her. He was breathing so hard through his clenched teeth that spittle flew with each exhale.

"Go to hell," she rasped out, letting the tight strain in her limbs slacken away. It felt so right to say it that she smiled a little.

Footfalls of a second man approached, and Sakura managed to turn her eyes to him, but only enough to see his large boots and green pants as he crouched down and ran a finger over her cheek. In all her pain and confusion, that soft touch felt deceptively soothing so she closed her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, my dear," the man said quietly, "But you first."

* * *

Raido struggled against his bindings, and Genma hissed out a quiet, "Fuck me," when they happened upon the scarred ninja concealed away in a closet of Ito's suite. His face was battered, and blood seeped from a large wound in his thigh, enough to pale his complexion and make him weak.

"Gotta do it," Genma sighed with a tight brow and screwed up face as he reached for the duct tape on Raido's mouth. He issued a fast jerk - like one would remove a band-aid - and the ripping sound was worse than he'd worried it would be.

"Ito's gone. I got tackled by three ninja who used a gen-jutsu. I'm still in the chakra bind," Raido rhymed off quickly, looking past Genma's senbon to spot Kakashi unmoving near the door, but still more tense than he'd ever seen the consummately indolent man.

As if it occurred to everyone at once, Genma's brown eyes slowly wandered the floor before hesitantly meeting Kakashi's narrowed one. "Where is she?"

"Alone," Kakashi said evenly, regret twisting his gut. "I should have killed him," was all he could hiss before turning and heading back the way he came.

Genma looked at Raido. "Get to the Hokage."

After searching Sakura's apartment, Kakashi's apartment again, and the hospital, Kakashi and Genma darted into the clinic, shocking everyone in the waiting area when they rushed through to the examination rooms.

"It's bloody ten o'clock and I've got a waiting room full of sick people out there," the nurse accused as she tapped her watch and pointed to the closed door, behind which people could be heard coughing and whining. "She never showed. Didn't even bother to call!"

"Fuck," Genma growled.

But Kakashi couldn't stop. The momentum was already carrying him out the rear exit of the clinic and into the dusty street where he instinctively cut himself with a silver kunai before Genma had even made it out behind him.

The crack of a summoning and thick smoke filled the air as a number of Hatake Sakumo's dogs filled the street, all turning to face their summoner. Only one dog trained by Kakashi stood among them. The smallest, known as Pakkun, warily glared up at Kakashi's narrowed eye.

"Sakura," the copy-nin instructed. "Find her trail and alert me."

"She'll be all right," Genma said urgently, standing right behind.

Kakashi took a long deep breath. "We both know that's probably not true."

For what seemed like forever, the two men stood there silently waiting. Kakashi felt the blood rushing through his veins, loud in his ears, his heart beating fast. It was just like that day he had found Sakura beaten and near death. His tight fingers clenched and unclenched.

"It's Sakura. Don't underestimate her." Genma clapped a hand on Kakashi's shoulder.

"That's the trouble. It's not."

A deep bark echoed out of the forest to signal them, and without another word, they were off.

* * *

"I lost my memories. You already know this," Sakura hissed at Ito as she lay on her side, trying hard not to breathe in the sandy dirt under her cheek.

"I guess we'll have to hang onto you until they come back then. But one way or another, you'll be finding my documents or you'll die trying." Ito stood back up from where he had bent over her and ran fingers down his lapels to straighten his jacket. Sakura wanted to laugh at how out of place he looked standing in the middle of a forest in a business suit.

"We could try the chemical again? She started to react to it before," a different voice that Sakura hadn't heard yet, said.

"Idiot. She blocked it last time with her chakra. That's why we're in this situation now." Ito hissed.

"I'm the idiot? Who's the one who allowed the Leaf Captain to hold the documents? If he didn't give them to her to hide, then we'd be in our own country with our fortune already," the man shot back.

"This isn't getting us anywhere. If it's chakra in her brain, then we need to get it out. It's most likely stuck in the highway somewhere. I have a forced chakra jutsu that might work," the familiar second voice said.

Sakura felt a shiver shoot up her spine, tingling in warning and making her tense and shift away using her bound feet and hands awkwardly.

"Crawl all you want, Haruno. You won't be getting very far," Ito laughed. "Very well, we'll try it. But don't kill her yet. And hurry. We need to keep moving."

Sakura gasped as the man, whose voice rang a small warning bell, leaned over and grabbed her tightly by the black Jounin shirt Kakashi had slipped over her in bed, twisting it in his fingers. Her eyes widened, and then another flash shot through her head, burning images into her mind as the memory took shape.

The intrusive and stagnant smell of the rotted wood and wet plaster of the old building filled her nose, the taste of blood metallic on her tongue. Leather straps, rough and tight, held her hands to the chair, and her feet were bound firmly to the legs. Fear and anger mixed in her chest as her heart pounded out a warning to get out, do anything…just to live.

A body lay on the ground in the corner. Her doing.

And a man stood near the decrepit doorway, working at filling a syringe from a small, clear medical bottle with no label. A second man to her right shifted in her peripheral vision, but she couldn't take her eyes from the bottle.

He flicked the syringe with his fingernails twice, the sound giving her chills. Then he moved closer to clamp a large, hot hand on her forearm. Wriggling and kicking to get free, Sakura found the other man's palms on her shoulders, forcing her back against the thick wooden spindles.

The needle slid into her arm with a sting, and the cold chemical began to climb through her veins. Her rapidly thumping heart only served to aid its progress.

Understanding that she might only have moments to live, Sakura looked up to find her assailant smiling widely.

As the images strengthened, and the whole picture of that day became clear, Sakura looked up to see the same man standing over her again with a different backdrop of the trees swaying above him.

"You," she hissed from the ground.

"Yes me," he laughed and then looked at Ito. "Seems her memory isn't so bad." He then pressed a hand to her abdomen and a light blue glow of chakra surrounded his fingers. Almost immediately, Sakura felt a burning sensation that spread from her stomach to her chest, legs and arms. He was filling her body with what felt like a boiling spray of water, hot and sharp.

"Stop! It hurts!" she screamed out and a hand clamped over her mouth. Again she shrieked into the large fingers, trying to shake out of his hold. The pressure inside her built until she felt like she couldn't take anymore. Swallowed up by pain, feeling dizzy and anguished, her mind slipped away as she gave up.

"Is it enough?" Ito's voice rang out, happier than she'd ever heard him.

"It's working," the man above her strained.

"Wait. Did you just hear that?" the third man asked. "Sounds like a big dog barking…"

And as Sakura half noticed the hurried shuffle of feet, everything went black.

* * *

"Sakura-chan," Naruto's voice urged and she felt a light tap of his fingers on her cheek. Her body was warm and the quick realization that his strong arms held her cradled on the ground hit her when she looked up at his twisted frown.

"Naruto?" she breathed out. "What is…?" But before the words could slip out, the pain came again, so much stronger than it ever had. Like kunai through the eye it blinded her, back bowed, and a shriek tore from her lips.

And then the memories…

Naruto and Sasuke fighting on a rooftop; Hinata being beaten senseless by Neji in an arena; Kakashi's chest being slashed open by a man with a huge sword; Sasuke thanking her as he walked out of her life. The moment she graduated from the academy came and her pride of success and all the moments after flashed through her mind. It was coming back, everything, every person she knew, every person she'd fought.

Understanding filtered in as well. She could see her family, her friends, and every piece that had been missing. Haruno Sakura came back to her like a spirit invading her body, bringing another life she hadn't known she had.

Breathing through the pain, Sakura felt it getting worse and gritted her teeth. It built and built, scattering flashes of bright stars in front of her eyes when she tried to open them and making her heart pound a million beats a minute.

She hissed and railed against it, feeling Naruto's hands holding her tightly, and somewhere underneath, his voice was getting through.

"Sakura…hang on…" he repeated over and over.

And then, like an explosion, it burst, spiking fire in one spot in her head, and then evaporated as if it had never been there at all.

For a second, Sakura just lay in the warm, strong arms of her best friend, mentally inventorying her body and trying to make sense of what had just happened. Cool chakra shot to her limbs, filling her highway, making her skin tingle and her body feel light.

She knew everything now - how to draw the energy, manipulate it, make it something powerful and useful. The glorious feel of it flowing around her body made her laugh softly as she looked up into Naruto's fearful blue eyes. It was like someone had flipped a switch and made her another person, but it felt so right to be in that skin.

Everything finally felt right.

"I'm…okay," she said quietly, reaching up to stroke Naruto's cheek. "I'm fine now."

"What just happened?" His panic began to die away.

Sakura was suddenly aware that something was happening around them other than just her awakening mind. Shouts caught her attention and the sound of metal on metal made her twist in Naruto's hold to try and sit up. Reluctantly, he aided her as she sat on the damp ground.

"Naruto…"

A fight was going on. Genma's voice was the first to fill her with that understanding. Three unknown men and Ito had taken her from the gates and she became aware that there was a battle going on nearby.

She used her hands on the wet ground to push her body up to her knees, and then hoisted herself up, feeling Naruto's hand grabbing her arm for stability. "Who's with you?"

"Sasuke and I were coming back from a mission and saw Kakashi and Genma flying through the forest. We chased them and stumbled upon all this. That Ito guy is there fighting with Genma, and there are three others that Kakashi and Sasuke are taking care of."

Sakura touched the sore spot on her cheek where they'd injured her. The back of her head ached as well from that initial hit. Drawing chakra as she still tried to watch what was happening around the area in blurs of speed and fighting, she healed both easily.

The cool strings of chakra mended her injuries, and she smiled because she was able to heal again. Desperation to join the fight filled her. And with Ito, she had a debt to repay.

Naruto was right beside her, his hand grabbing her arm. "Take it easy," he mumbled.

Sakura looked to him and smiled. "I feel stronger than I've ever felt." Then turning to see Genma and Ito land on the ground in front of them, Sakura hissed out, "I want to fight."

Both men were breathing heavily, but Ito looked uninjured. Happiness filled her that he was still there for the taking.

"Tsutanai Ito," she shouted over, and both men looked at her, pausing in their fight. "I believe I owe you something."

Ito's small eyes widened and he took a step back from Genma.

Sakura began walking towards them, wrenching out of Naruto's grip, which tried to hold her back.

"Remember what I said when I woke up after you knocked me out?"

Ito laughed and spun the kunai in his fingers. "You said you'd kill me. I suspect you want to try. Looks like you've got your memories again. Wonderful."

"My back isn't turned this time, Ito. My comrades aren't dead," she hissed, coming up to stand beside Genma. Glancing down, she slid a finger into the holster on his leg and pulled out a heavy silver kunai. "Mind, Genma?"

"Not at all," he said smoothly, but his eyes still relayed his shock at her change.

"I remember exactly where I put your papers, Ito. After I punch a hole in your chest, I'm going to go and fetch them." She took another step forward and felt Genma take a step back.

More feet hit the ground and she sensed Kakashi and Sasuke in the area, obviously done with dispatching the other nin.

"Sakura," Kakashi said quickly, taking a step forward, but she put up a hand to still him.

"He's mine," she growled, finally lunging forward with the kunai, up against the man who quickly raised his own towards her in defense.

They fell into a volley of kunai strikes, the clang of metal on metal rang through the area and Sakura revelled in the sound. Her body worked smoothly, perfectly responding to every pull of chakra, every smooth swipe of her blade.

A swift kick to his chest rammed Ito against a tree, and Sakura took the opportunity to draw her powerful chakra and throw a closed fist towards him. But Ito moved just before the hit and the tree trunk behind him splintered into a million pieces before the tree fell noisily to the side.

Sakura turned to see the older man panting and angry.

Naruto and Genma stood behind him, and Sakura could locate Kakashi and Sasuke still to the side. No matter what, Ito wouldn't get away.

Raising her kunai again, Sakura prepared to run forward, but Sasuke was suddenly in front of her. "We have to take him in."

"Move," Sakura growled, feeling his strong hands grab her shoulders.

Naruto was suddenly on Ito, pushing him to the ground and pressing a bent knee into the man's back.

"He needs to be interrogated. Think about it. I know you want to kill him, but there could be more corruption. Ibiki needs to find out." Sasuke moved his head so that she had to meet his dark eyes.

"He killed my team, Sasuke! Didn't you hear Kido's wife sobbing like that as they rang the bells? I can still hear it. He sat in there at that memorial like he belonged there, like he didn't have anything to do with it! I want to kill him! I want to tear his heart out," she hissed through tight teeth, her unoccupied hand pointing an accusatory finger over Sasuke's shoulder.

She felt Kakashi behind her, his chakra, his scent, his warmth familiar as he put a hand on her shoulder. Sasuke's brow creased a little and his eyes glanced over her shoulder.

"Don't touch me, Kakashi!" Sakura warned, but his hand didn't let go.

"Sasuke is right. We need to see how deeply the corruption goes," he mumbled quietly from behind his mask, his grip tightening a little.

"It's not enough!" Sakura shouted, twisting out of Kakashi's hold and taking a step away to turn and look at them both. "You can't ask me to let him live…"

"It's over," Sasuke said. "Ibiki will pay him back for Kido and for the others. I promise you."

Sakura felt the burning in her eyes and the tightness in her chest; her breathing sped and the warmth of tears rolled down her cheeks. They wouldn't let her have the satisfaction now – when she could think of nothing else.

Lifting the hand with the kunai, she touched her fingertips to her face. She was crying…

All that time, as another person, she hadn't been able to let it out. It felt glorious and tragic, a jumbled kind of pain. She could finally cry for her teammates, for the time she'd lost and all the memories that she treasured, and for how hard it had all been. Her bright, watery eyes focused on Kakashi and she felt the loss of him and those intimate moments that had made her feel so complete. She looked at Sasuke and felt the anger of their parting, and the sadness that they'd wasted two years as enemies because of feelings she'd held onto for so long and hadn't known how to let go.

Ito huffed into the dirt as the sound of Naruto knocking the back of his head with a fist resonated loud and hollow in the small area. Ito's body stopped fighting.

Sakura's hands clenched into tight fists, and she turned away from all their eyes. Even Naruto hadn't taken her side. Without killing the man, she felt incomplete; unable to give her dead comrades the revenge they were owed.

But some measure of closure suddenly came to her. Ibiki would torture the old sot until he was begging to die, but the documents - the thing that had started it all - appeared in her mind. The trail to them was so clear, that her feet were moving before she even realized.

* * *

Kakashi chased her through the forest, relieved that Genma stepped in front of Sasuke's shuffling feet to stop his pursuit. "Let Kakashi get her," he'd said to the stoic Uchiha. Kakashi could just imagine that Sasuke was seething about it still.

Sakura's chakra-laden feet moved so swiftly, the copy-nin had trouble keeping up. For two hours they ran through the forests at top speed and Kakashi figured they had to be nearing the edge of the Fire Country.

When he finally sensed her stopping, he landed silently behind.

Still donning his black shirt, her long pink hair hanging down her back like a soft curtain strewn with dirt and leaves, she stared up at a tree. Gently her hand slid over what appeared to be a knot until her fist tapped a hole in it.

"I spent too long trying to make this look real," she mumbled softly, a soft sob catching the last word. "I ground up bark and dirt with water, smoothing it over in layers."

Kakashi could only watch her slow movements as she pulled out a rolled up mass of papers tucked into a plastic bag.

"If I'd come back sooner…" she hitched, bowing her head and tucking the papers against her chest with a curled arm.

"You can't blame yourself," Kakashi responded quietly, closing the distance between them and sliding a hand to the small of her back in the way he had done dozens of times. But she shifted away as if scalded by his touch and turned her red, glassy eyes up to look at him.

"Don't…touch me…" Her hand raised and fingers spread as she shook her head. The crease of her brow and the narrowed shape of her eyes held him there, bewildered, and tense. "Please don't touch me. I can't…handle that right now… with you."

"Sakura…"

"You don't have to say anything," she whispered, hugging the plastic to her chest and looking at the ground.

"We should talk about... this morning"

"I know… _know_ what you are thinking and I promise you don't have to feel guilty about that. I wanted to make love to you again…" she whispered. More tears blinked from her tired looking eyes as she stared at the ground. "I would have never stopped pursuing you, you know. I don't blame you for giving in. It was my intention all along."

Kakashi could see the tightening of her jaw as she fought the need to give herself over to the sobs. He begrudgingly voiced a confession, which he knew would be no comfort for either of them. "I knew you'd be getting your memories back soon so I rushed to have you. I _am_ guilty."

Her eyes snapped up to him. "Have… me…"

"That's not what…"

Sakura's mouth grew into a forced smile but she couldn't manage to get the pain out of her eyes. "But it was just sex, right? We liked to fuck because it felt good. I liked it and so did you. You're great in bed, Kakashi, but we'll both find someone else to do that with, so don't worry about it. I was getting bored anyway." She shrugged as she tried to keep her face uncaring, but she was failing miserably.

Kakashi felt like she had plunged a knife in his chest. "I think that's…"

"Hey, why don't we have a good screw against this tree for old times sake?" she asked nonchalantly, but her eyes gave her away. "One last time? You liked it the first time."

"I know what you're doing," he said smoothly.

"Good," she laughed half-hysterically, putting a hand over her eyes, the tears renewing. "Because _I_ don't."

Kakashi took another step and put his hands on her shoulders and she looked up at him with the saddest eyes he'd seen her with since she was a teenager.

She sobbed out her thoughts. "I just want to get home. I want to see my parents and Tsunade. I want to curl up and die. I can't make heads or tails of what the fuck is going on and I'm lost. I feel like I failed everyone including you and myself."

Kakashi pulled her to his chest and slid a hand into her hair as she trembled against him. "Let's go home."

* * *

Sakura sat on the end of her bed, snapping the shin guards to her legs and sighing. She smoothed her hands down her red tunic and straightened the light skirt over her shorts.

The last three days had flown by in a blurr and her head still hurt.

When she and Kakashi had returned, after hours of walking and running and mostly silence between them, Kakashi carried her increasingly exhausted body to the hospital.

He'd wanted to stay, but Sakura told him she needed to think. Even then, she couldn't meet his eyes. If she did, then she'd have been unable to send him away.

Again, like the last time she pushed him away, he only said, "I understand." The pain from those two words were worse than any wound she'd ever had in battle.

That evening she was sedated and watched over by Tsunade. They had caught up and Sakura couldn't stop crying and telling her Shishou how sorry she was for being so cold. Tsunade had laughed gently and stroked her hair once, behaving so motherly and rare that Sakura cried more.

The next morning, after being released, she spent the entire day with her parents, being held by her mother while watched silently by her father. Again, the apologies fell from her lips and were hushed with grateful hugs and smiles. She'd spent the night in her old room among the pink wallpaper and the stuffed toys that had comforted her as a child.

She imagined that if she had slept in her apartment, there would be no end to the concerned knocks at her door. Although, she believed that Kakashi would not be among them.

She just wanted to be alone with her thoughts and all those precious memories, more precious still because they could have been gone forever.

On the third day, she spoke with Ibiki about Ito, and the man said that it wasn't her concern. But, as she turned away from him feeling empty, he mumbled a soft, "Kido's wife is my cousin, but that's between you and I."

Sakura spun to look at him and he had winked. It gave her a grim satisfaction to know that Ito would be paid back in full, even though it would not be by her hand.

The fourth morning, when the sun rose bright and hot, banishing the dull days of the rainy season, Ino was waiting on the front step. Sakura hoisted the heavy rucksack on her back and stepped out of her doorway to greet her companion. The buxom blond was carrying a similar pack and smiled her pin-up girl smile for her friend.

"A month is a long time. You sure you want to go?"

Sakura sighed heavily. "Yeah. I think I need to get away. Sort my head out. I'll just wallow in it all if I stay."

Ino seemed to be trying so hard not to burst into a happy grin as her eyes scanned the building, then the clouds, and then the sidewalk.

"Spit it out," Sakura said flatly, knowing what was coming.

"I have to know! How good was he in bed?"

"Ino…" Sakura said quietly, unable to match her gossipy excitement. "I really…don't know if I can talk about him yet."

"Holy shit," Ino breathed out, her face falling to a look of concern. "You _are_ in love with him."

* * *

Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I never feel good about smutty scenes so you made me feel a bit better. One more chapter to this story and two or three more for coffee shop.

Thanks again for reading.

Leafy.


	13. Beg

Chapter 13, Poor Imitation - Beg

Sorry for the delay. I did nanowrimo again and then finished this up when I was done. This is a much longer chapter than my usual. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed over the course of it.

There is a note on my profile about why Coffee Shop has been deleted.

* * *

Thirty-three days.

Four weeks and five days.

One hundred and twenty-eight hours. It didn't seem like very long when put that way. The sun rose thirty-four times and set thirty-three. A warm, light rain fell one day and there was a hot, dry heat the other thirty-two. Tall, sandy dunes lit by brilliant sunsets were the only view for thirty-three evenings, and sun-kissed, smiling faces filled with anticipation were the ubiquitous scenes throughout the days.

Six days a week Sakura would trudge along the gritty sidewalks to the medical facility in Sand to train their medics on innovations developed at home. One long day a week she would lie in a hard bed in the small, neat bungalow she was given and try to catch up on all the hours of the night that she had found it impossible to sleep.

And for thirty-three nights, she watched the stars through the open window under the pagoda roof, breathing in the warm spiced air of the Wind Country, and thinking of Kakashi.

Over and over in her thoughts she reconnoitred the times in her relationship with him, cracking them open like shells with valuable insights secreted inside. In their intimate moments Kakashi would allow small memories and pieces of his past to pass between them in the form of stories and anecdotes. During fights, he'd be the calm one, letting her get it out because he knew she had to. And when she'd return from a mission, standing on his step expectantly, he could never prevent the trickle of some relief in his half-smile when he opened the door to find her there.

She missed his skin and smell and strong arms and cocky smile so much.

But it was just sex to him. The whole basis of their relationship had been about physical pleasure. Yet for her, it had become that flutter in her stomach when he was near, the smile she couldn't hold back when thinking about him or the anticipation of going to see him. Sex was great, but the other things had become as important as her time with him progressed. When he was injured from a mission, she had the small enjoyment of holding him and talking, learning more about his past and connecting on other levels. She felt guilty that she enjoyed those times. Normal relationships shouldn't involve guilt.

It was hard to give it up, but she had to. She needed more and he couldn't give it to her. He wasn't a man to marry or have children with. He was Hatake Kakashi, her lover and nothing more. She wanted it all now and had to get out before she couldn't. She had expectations about how her life would be, and she needed to be with someone who could give her those things – although she doubted she'd love them anywhere near as much.

Her hopes had never been what women dreamt of as young girls – no white picket fence and a kiss hello after work from a dutiful husband as she made the children dinner. She'd wanted a fulfilling career as a medic, freedom to enjoy her life with her friends, and maybe a man who would never tire of laying his warm body beside her and loving her for everything she was. And one day, perhaps a child, who looked a little like them both, would come and complete their perfection. She only wanted a simple, honest love. Nothing more, nothing less.

Leaving Konoha for a month was the only path Sakura believed would quell some of her desires and needs, give her a chance to find again the ground that had been spinning out from under her awkward feet. By and by, the only purpose it did serve was to prove how thoroughly screwed over she was by her own feelings. The intense loss felt stitched into her, embroidered with strong thread deep under her ribs.

Lying with the thin, crumpled sheets twisted around her hot skin, she practiced imaginary conversations with Kakashi: being aloof, uncaring, or laughing to show she was fine without him. She'd hoped it would wound him when she left, make him think about her more. In her worst moments, she hoped he was unhappy.

It was hard to think he might be moving on, meeting someone else, living life as if she hadn't slipped into it at all. How could he forget her when she found the same feat impossible? Why didn't he have the same tactile emotion she had? She could examine it, deconstruct it, shred it all to pieces, but in the end, no answer was ever clear about how to move on. She would just continue to suffer alone.

But it was how it had to be. Time would help, wouldn't it?

On the thirty-fourth morning, with nothing changed except the bronzed colour of her skin, Sakura went home.

* * *

"Mission?" Kakashi lifted a visible eyebrow at Iruka, who scoured the nearly blank notepad in his hand.

"Sorry, Kakashi-san," the Chuunin apologized with a timid shrug of his stiff shoulders.

Sometimes Kakashi was grateful for the headband that obscured one eye, as most people found it hard to discern the eye-roll. "Hm," he responded dispassionately, and spun on a heel to head for the door but his path was obstructed.

"What are _you _doing in here _again_?" Tsunade interrogated somewhat harshly, her painted nail pointing a direct line at his chest.

"Mission," he repeated.

The exasperated sound she made as she breathed in was fairly representative of the patience she had for him lately. So what if he took a mission a day? There wasn't any sort of rule that ninja had mandatory days off. He'd never seen it posted anywhere, nor ever heard in his long life as a shinobi that there was a ninja union that negotiated it into contract.

He'd read all his books twice. He'd found his palette lacking for any particular taste and he'd given up trying to sleep in. And to be honest, he was getting a little too drunk each Tuesday night. What else was there to keep his mind occupied than a nice, well-rounded, energy-draining operation that required skill, focus and time…lots of time.

"Going for a record or something? I heard you took a D rank yesterday. Did you find the cat?" Tsunade said with tight lips and an impertinent lift of her blond eyebrow.

"Ah, Tickles. Very wiry, that cat. I suspect that it is more of a summoned demon-cat than an actual tabby. I meant to speak to you about that." Kakashi cleared his throat and examined a crack in the wall to his left.

The Hokage shook her head. "Why don't you go home and read some of your dirty books, Kakashi. There are no missions worthy of your rank right now. If you keep this up, the current Genin will never get the missions required to move on."

"Hm," he mumbled his stock reply and nodded his discomfiture so that she might know exactly what he was doing and why. Stuffing his hands down into his pockets, and camouflaging his tense muscles with slack, rounded shoulders, Kakashi began his amble toward the exit.

"She's back today, you know," Tsunade added smoothly. "So you can quit worrying about her."

Kakashi's feet halted momentarily as he listened to the click of her heels disappearing behind him. Tsunade just had no clue.

* * *

The gates of Konoha had always been a welcome sight to the young medic, but this time the view seemed to twist a hard knot just beneath her ribs. The month had not been the cathartic getaway she'd wanted. Instead it was just confirmation of what she already knew about her wrenching tendency to commit to loving someone with all she had. When the dream was over, she usually had nothing left.

Ino had enjoyed a grand time in Sand. Of course, most male shinobi – much like children –got excited about something new and shiny. The blond Leaf-nin was certainly not something they bargained for, and she enjoyed avid attention in the way of dates, presents and guided tours every couple of days. Who knew that Sand-nin could be so amorous?

Attention wheedled into Sakura's daily life too, but she was – as Ino remarked to the would-be suitors – oblivious to any person of the opposite sex that didn't possess a penchant for dirty reading material and an incessant habit of being late.

Sakura had to admit it was probably true.

Now tanned and tired, the two women took their first few steps inside the massive gates and breathed in the scent of ramen and sweet cut grass. Even their skin drank in the fresh moisture hanging in the temperate air. The grainy grit of the sand had roughened Sakura's hands, and her skin had felt so dry for so long.

Before their weary eyes, civilians and ninja moved from place to place in varying degrees of speed and kinetics. A boy with a ball, a man with a newspaper, a teenaged couple holding hands, ninja heading to missions or back home from one – life was moving on whether they were there or not.

It gave the medic a motion sick feeling in her stomach.

* * *

Sakura stared at the streak of sunshine that crept from the window at the edge of her bed; the tiny particles of dust drifting along it like diminutive stars. It was warm when she stuck her bare toe in the stream.

Her body had felt cool since she arrived back in the Fire Country. During the two days of travel it took to return home from Sand, she'd gotten quite burnt. A slight fever the day before preceded some peeling skin on her forehead, and her freckles had increased exponentially across her nose.

The first view of the gates when arriving back gave her such mixed feelings. Terrified, she drifted through, wondering if she'd see him, frightened she would and frightened she wouldn't. All Sakura could think was that Kakashi was somewhere within that high wall, probably reading his book, lazing on a tree branch, forgetting about her.

Two days passed and she'd managed to make it to the hospital and back without a glimpse of him and always felt that perplexing mixture of relief and loss when she lay on her bed at night.

Maybe he didn't know she was back. Or maybe he just didn't care…

Of course, she knew him better than that. He was respecting her wishes. In some horrible way, she supposed, it would help her get over him.

The night he was injured had replayed over and over again in her thoughts as she performed the mundane task of training young medics on new techniques abroad. It always started with the kunai slash to Kakashi's throat. If it never happened, would things have ended up this way?

Even with blood flowing from the wound, Kakashi had continued to fight. From all her time with him, Sakura knew he would fight until death because that was how he lived. Comrades, country, self - always in that order. She admired that about him.

She'd had to force him to lie down before he fainted of blood loss. Peeling back the wet layer of mask until she could clearly see the gash, Sakura pressed her energy into his throat and quietly went about mending him as she had so many times before. His skin was cool under her fingertips. He'd remarked absently that her hand was hot.

It was warm that day too. The sweat beaded on her upper lip and back as she bent over him and worked. Kakashi lay there looking up, not smiling, not frowning, just watching. A slight raise of his brow made her meet his eyes but she hadn't thought about what might have caused it until they were on the trip home.

She was too overwhelmed to talk to him as they walked silently with their team. Losing him would have killed her at that moment, she had realized with cruel certainty. Living a day knowing he wasn't there would have been too much to bear. And what she gleaned from the fear that had clenched in her stomach as her warm hands pressed on his cold skin was that she had crossed that line that they had never properly drawn, but both knew existed.

She was in love. Deeply.

A sudden knock at the door jolted Sakura from her inner thoughts, and nervously, she tried to remember what day it was as she rolled off the bed. Almost too quickly she reached the door, but when she flung it open, she found Sasuke leaning on the wrought iron railing.

"Of all the people I expected, you were the last," she said evenly, sheer disappointment swimming in her stomach. Obviously she'd hoped it was Kakashi, and it hurt worse to find it wasn't.

"Is that how it is then?" Sasuke's unremitting cool demeanour was steadfast.

Sakura breathed a scoff through a half-smile and stepped aside to allow him to enter the apartment. She didn't really want company.

Almost clinically, he carefully removed his shoes and then walked a few slow steps to sit at her kitchen table. "Did I wake you?" His eyebrows rose as he took in her blue tank top and baggy, flannel pants.

"No. Just…lying around."

"It's two o'clock."

"Hence why I wasn't asleep," she mumbled quietly. "Want some…what do you drink again?"

"Coffee. That would be fine."

Sakura reached in the cupboard and pulled out two mugs, one of which was the red one, making an effort not to shake her head at his odd countenance. "Instant okay?"

"Whatever."

She stretched to a higher shelf to get the coffee package. "What brings you here?"

Sasuke looked at her blandly. "Bonfire tonight. I was the only one without duties so Ino sent me to tell you. She'll be here around nine to get you."

Sakura snapped on the electric kettle and went through her cupboards to retrieve the sugar, getting a small shiver down her back as she felt him watching. After slipping a teabag into the black mug with white diamonds on it, she turned and leaned against the counter to find Sasuke's eyes had shifted to stare at his mug.

Sakura looked at the red porcelain, then at Sasuke, crossing her arms. "You can take it home with you if you want."

"I have blue mugs now."

For a second, Sakura digested his comment. He looked so serious, that it made her chuckle. But as the idea that he'd actually gone out and bought new mugs wrapped around her mind, she had to laugh so hard that tears blurred his outline. He was such a type A that perhaps having an uneven number of mugs disturbed him enough to make him shop for dinnerware.

When she managed to calm down, wiping at the tears, she could see he was smiling. Such a rare sight on Uchiha Sasuke nowadays, Sakura had forgotten how much she liked the perfection of it. Her own smile didn't fade while she poured the drinks and slid into the chair next to his, stirring her tea slowly to mix in the milk and two spoonfuls of sugar.

"So you remember everything now?" Sasuke asked as he lifted the red mug to breathe in the rich scent of the black steaming liquid.

"Everything."

"What I showed you when you were… Well, the image I put in your mind. Was it accurate?" His tone was curious and Sakura laughed again to find he was checking his ability and not worrying about how it affected her. Typical Sasuke.

"Mostly. I cried harder, but I suppose you didn't see that clearly. And you made me sound a little crazier than I felt if that makes sense. I wasn't a stalker, you know." Sakura laughed against the rim of the black mug. "But I did want to ask you something about that night when you sharinganed me…you know, as the other Sakura."

"I can't promise I'll answer," he said smoothly, sitting up a little straighter.

"Kakashi," Sakura said with a hint of forcefulness. "You refused to comment on him in regards to me. Why?"

Sasuke's dark eyes probed her face, then glanced to the kitchen window, and then dropped to his palm as he flicked at a callous.

"He never told you then," he grimaced.

"Obviously not. What are you talking about?" Sakura's chest felt tight again. Why did it take losing her memories to learn things about her own life and the people in it?

"I knew about you two. The night of the bonfire a few months ago when you said you were sick and couldn't go, I left early. We were drunk, and everyone was talking about you, wishing you'd come. I mixed a lot of different drinks and didn't handle it well. Naruto looked dejected and barely drank. I could tell he thought you didn't come because of me."

"Oh shit," she mumbled. "You…came here?"

"I came here. I was going to try and smooth it over because I felt guilty about Naruto and was tired of the animosity. Obviously you know what I saw. I walked right in to your bedroom but you didn't notice me. Granted you were…probably not coherent enough to notice anything at that moment." Sasuke laughed and crossed his arms, shaking his head a little. "I don't think I could have had worse timing."

"And…Kakashi?"

"You were…well, he looked right at me over your shoulder, then went right back to what he was doing."

"Did he...? I mean…. Oh, God. I can't believe someone saw me doing that."

"I never told anyone – especially Naruto. But I was pissed off about it for a long time. I'm not unhappy you two are finished."

"Thanks…" Sakura's head spun with the image of Sasuke standing in her bedroom doorway watching her naked and straddling their old team-leader. "Oh fuck," she laughed. "I'm so embarrassed."

"I can see how you would be," he grinned a little darkly.

"Wait…how did you know we were finished?"

Sasuke shrugged. "You're never together anymore. You took off right after we caught Ito and Kakashi has been avoiding people and taking missions every day, even minor ones."

"Has he?" Her eyes widened as a jolt of feeling raced through her stomach. It wasn't a bad emotion she felt, knowing that her absence had indeed affected him.

"So I have a question for _you_, now," Sasuke added, leaning back in his chair and taking a sip of his coffee.

"Shoot," she responded absently, still ruminating on the idea that Kakashi might have actually pined for her.

"Naruto. I want to hear how that all happened. He's pretty tight lipped about it."

"Oh, so that's how it is, huh?" she half-growled, but couldn't turn down the corners of her embarrassed smile. Sasuke had changed so much. Just to come to her door alone meant something. It was nice to have almost all the pieces of her life back in place.

"Yeah," Sasuke nodded. "That's how it is."

* * *

Night crept in like it always did, giving Sakura that little bit of extra sadness. At night, there were no duties at the hospital, no patients or medical crisis to keep her busy. At least tonight she would be dragged off and made to drink around eight of her best friends.

The knock came at about nine thirty, which was typical of dolled-up Ino. The girl continually underestimated the time it would take to become ravishing, which in Sakura's opinion, was when Ino rolled out of bed.

Barely having time to lock her door as Ino pulled her into the street, Sakura began walking with the idea that when she arrived at the bonfire, she would just drink herself to oblivion. Might be just the right thing to wipe out all the annoying admonishments her inner self kept chiding. Damn incessant nagging voice. Too bad it was her own. "Closure," it said over and over. "Go and get closure."

But in reality, what good would it do to go and see him? What good would it do to lose her cool façade right there in his apartment as he looked on?

No, she was where she should be. Time would make it easier to handle, and a lot of time would make it easier to face him – if indeed, their paths ever crossed again. Seems he was doing a great job of avoiding her.

When the two women arrived at the bonfire, everyone was there, already drinking and conversing happily as was the norm at these times. Chouji was inflating and deflating his hands, and Hinata seemed to find some inner courage to sit next to Naruto, letting her thigh press against his as much as she dared.

Sakura gave her a glance of apology when Naruto spotted her pink hair and jumped up from his place on the log.

"Finally!" he shouted and everyone seemed to turn to see her.

As if she were the guest of honour, they jumped up or ran over to come and talk to her. Everyone was asking questions all at once and she had to laugh when it all just became excited noise.

"I'm fine…yes, fine…" she tried to answer each. "No, I remember that…yes…no!"

After a few moments and some hugs, people began retreating back to their seats and the opened bottles of whiskey and vodka were passed around.

Every story that passed their lips, every thought and detail of their lives that they relived, Sakura understood it all. The secret love that Hinata held for Naruto, the brotherly connection no one could get in between with Naruto and Sasuke, the way Kiba would admire the women of the group openly were all things that made sense. The last time there were there, everyone expressed their deepest desires, and Sakura now understood every single one.

"Oi, Sakura," Shikamaru slurred as the night wound down and everyone, as usual, slumped against the logs and ground, dozing off or sitting quietly.

"Hm?" she said, her head on Naruto's shoulder and her feet across Ino's legs.

"It's nice to have you back. Anti-Sakura seemed a little slow," he laughed.

"Nice. Is that what you called me, you bastards?" she laughed.

Shikamaru snorted, "Kiba came up with it."

"Thanks, Fido," Sakura responded, directing her green eyes at Kiba who put his hands up in placation, grinning heartily.

Sakura closed her eyes, feeling the swell and spin of blissful intoxication taking all the hurt and pain away for just a little while. It was perhaps one in the morning and she wished she could sit there forever feeling like that and never have to step into her life again. She leaned heavily on Naruto, her feet across Ino's legs.

Opening her eyes again, she looked at Shikamaru and shook her head. Silence filled the area, and Sakura felt Ino's hand tighten on her ankle. A few other voices laughed and cajoled, and Sakura lifted her eyes to the clear night and the millions of tiny, untouched dots in the sky. She felt cold for a moment.

When Naruto shifted, she knew the moment had come – much earlier than usual, but obviously at a good time – and he stood up and declared it was time for him to kick everyone's ass to the guard tower and back.

Sakura stood up with the group.

When Naruto shouted, "Go!" and they all began to run, Sakura's foot was the first to touch a tree branch.

* * *

The tepid sun rose and the pearly grey clouds fought it for possession of the sky. But what did Sakura care when she'd drank the last dregs of the whiskey and stumbled home with Naruto's arm firmly around her waist. He left her on her step, laughing and giggling while she tried to get her key in the lock on her apartment door. It took five attempts, and a short scratch over the paint on the door before she engaged the key in the lock.

The first few steps into the apartment managed to knock over a lamp and kick two pairs of shoes out of line, but she didn't care.

The room shook and spun, and in time, it became obvious she'd have to expel the churning contents of her burning stomach, but for now, she tripped along with the intoxicated dance, enjoying every step.

Stumbling into her room, using the wall for guidance and support, she stripped off her clothes, having trouble with the zippers and buttons. Thank goodness she hadn't worn the leg guards. Then sliding open the closet door, naked, she tried to find a t-shirt large enough to sleep in.

But balance was not a reliable thing when drunk, and Sakura toppled over into the closet, banging her elbow (which wouldn't hurt until that evening), and fell into a heap, laughing. It took a moment to realize where she was and what she'd done, but still finding the humour in it, she pushed the box that had fallen on her legs to the floor and grabbed at the first shirt she could pull from the pile that she'd inadvertently yanked off the shelf as she tumbled.

It was black. The red ensign of a ninja's shirt were rough under her fingers and she ran a hand awkwardly over the smooth, soft material. A man's shirt.

Taking a breath, and finally finding all the enjoyment of being drunk had left her, Sakura pulled the heavy shirt over her head, having some trouble but managing to get her arms through the sleeves, and hugged it to her body. He'd put it on her the morning they'd made love. They didn't have sex or fuck. He made love to her and it was like nothing they'd done before.

Why couldn't it have been like that more?

He was so cold after too. He looked riddled with guilt.

If she wasn't so inebriated, it might have been a good time to examine all the things that happened on that day, but she was, and it hurt her head to really try.

Using the wall and the closet door to pull herself out, she found the white box from the weapon store sitting on the floor in front of her. As carefully as she could, she lifted the heavy cardboard top and looked at the white porcelain handle and the dull tri-bladed kunai.

A sense of history swept over her at knowing that the Yondaime had held that very kunai in the battlefield. She'd forgotten that she'd retrieved it from the store, purely by accident as "anti-Sakura."

Folding the box top down, she slid it out of her way and pressed her forehead to the floor. How long it had taken to find it for him. She had wanted to see him hold it in his long fingers, knowing that she had found something so precious for him. To have something he lost and to be the person that was able to give it back would have made her so happy. It was a bad time to cry, but she couldn't help it.

If she had to do it, she'd rather it happened when she was alone.

* * *

Kakashi sat on the roof in one of the wooden chairs she'd put there months ago. The candle was half burned down and looked like an incinerated sculpture of some sort. The wind was blowing over the scent of the lilacs from the neighbour's roof, and the Copy-nin pulled his mask down to breathe them in.

It was stupid and a little bit creepy to be looking in on her like he was, but he wanted to see her once to make sure she was all right. He couldn't rely on accounts that others gave him, as depending on who the informant was, they typically didn't want him to really know.

Ino would give him a sniff in the air and say she's fine. Genma would report that she looked like shit and was depressed. Shizune was by far the most honest, unknowing of what had gone on between them, and would say that Sakura looked cold and lost sometimes. Shizune worried about her and that made Kakashi worry about her.

He'd watched her stumble down the road, laughing and singing something unintelligible with Naruto until she took a ridiculous amount of time getting in her door. For a little while, he listened to what she was doing inside when he heard the crash. It made him laugh just a little, knowing what a poor drunk she could be. But his mild enjoyment left him as he heard her start to cry.

Then he sat there and smelled the lilacs and stared at the drooping, sad candle and rubbed his bare hands along the soft wood of the weather worn chairs until he needed to leave.

* * *

"Just go see him," Ino mumbled over her rum cake.

Sakura had never been one to indulge in the rum cake, but the last time they'd sat in the teahouse, Ino had ordered them and that was that. Now they had become a bit of a sweet craving every once in a while and lately she'd wanted comfort food.

"I can't. It's been a week since we got back and I haven't even seen a flash of him. He's avoiding me. He has to be. And if I go see him, I'll just…lose it," Sakura mumbled, digging her fork slowly through the thick sticky cake to leave prong marks along the top.

"You need to get some closure. You haven't even spoken about what happened. At least talk to him about that day he came to get you in the Abbey," Ino directed over the table, her nails clicking on her teacup as she eyed Sakura wearily.

"I don't even know how to face him," Sakura breathed out.

"It's Tuesday, you know. Didn't you tell me Tuesday was the day you two had off? You know he'll be home. Just go see him. Think up an excuse, take back his shirt, go beat him up, just finish things nice and neatly or you'll never get over it," Ino imparted, crossing her arms and sitting back. "And you know I talk from experience."

Sakura nodded, her mouth an emotionless line, but her brow creased tight over her eyes. She'd lost her appetite and pushed the remaining cake away.

"Let's go. I could use some fresh air," Sakura mumbled softly.

"All right. Just let me pay," Ino responded in defeat.

The two women slid out of the low booth, and ambled to the front of the teahouse to find Na giggling with two businessmen in another booth by the door. It seemed they would have to wait a few minutes so the business owner could finish procuring new customers before she took their money.

"Oh God." Ino rolled her eyes. "Doesn't that woman ever quit?"

Sakura scoffed quietly, remembering the way Na had hung on Kakashi in front of her. Damn Na and her flirtation. Had Sakura been herself, she probably would have pulled the woman off Kakashi in that situation. Probably better that she hadn't or she'd never have been allowed back in and would have missed that wonderful rum cake.

"Oh shit," Ino mumbled, as she turned around and leaned on the counter the register sat on to look back into the teahouse.

"What?" Sakura asked calmly, spinning to see what Ino was referring to. For so many reasons, she really, truly wished she hadn't.

Her knees suddenly felt weak, her hands tense, stomach tight. It had been a week of dragging around the village in hopes that she might just catch a glimpse of Kakashi and suddenly there he was. Like the moment he was before her at the Abbey, or there to save her from Ito the second time, he was just there.

And if seeing him in such a public place wasn't bad enough, having him look right at her was worse. There he stood, he and Genma, getting ready to sit down as a waitress directed them to a booth, both men staring at her. Kakashi's arms were crossed over his vest, his dark eye looking right into her as if he could actually see her heart pounding in her chest and was counting all the beats. Of the million times she pictured him during her time away, seeing him with her eyes again was like seeing the sun for the first time.

Genma had a coffee stir stick in his mouth and he smiled half-heartedly. For a few moments, they just regarded each other. Sakura felt the electrical shock riding through her central nervous system, making her back tense and her hands shake.

She had to leave before she passed out or cried. Either would be equally inappropriate and something she didn't want him to see. Maybe it would be easier to face him later if she could hold that façade for one more minute. And maybe it would hurt him a little to see she didn't care as much as she really did.

But in truth, she loved him too much to want to hurt him. Instead, she touched Ino's shoulder and whispered, "I'm going to go." Then turned around and left, feeling every little movement of her body and knowing his eye was following each one too.

When she got home, she was still trembling so hard that, as she made tea, the red mug full of hot liquid slipped from her fingers and smashed into thick wet pieces on the kitchen floor.

* * *

For another Tuesday night, Kakashi lay in his bed and thought about what he should have done differently. An orange book was splashed across his bare chest and he roughly ran his hand through his hair, scratching hard and then rubbing his tired eyes.

Maybe that moment she came to fight him, he should have held her off. Maybe they should have waited for the medic to undress her after that mission, or maybe he should have just…

Just what?

There was no decent answer. Sakura was Sakura – a woman ruled by emotion. He knew it from the moment her strong hands held him down and she kissed him. And if he'd fought her off or waited for the medic or whatever of the million other things he could have done, then it all would have never happened.

He couldn't really say he regretted everything, just the way things ended up.

Quietly he lay back, working his body into a comfortable position on the soft cotton bedspread and closing his eyes. Like every other night, he'd just have to dwell on it until it left him alone or he dozed off. She was home and safe, and he had to keep his distance until she was ready to talk to him again. The waiting was just difficult because he was craving her like a drug.

But he understood that if she wanted to end it with him, he had to respect that. For her, he could do that.

He breathed in deeply, lazily, and closed his eyes. And it was then that he smelled the first sweet scent of jasmine and heard the first tap of her shoes on the step outside. In slight shock, Kakashi lay perfectly still, listening, waiting.

In a million years, he didn't think she'd come, but she did.

The perpetually unlocked doorknob turned slowly and the hinges creaked so quietly only someone with superior hearing would know they moved, but when her shoes stepped in the door, she made no pretence about being quiet.

"Kakashi?" she said quietly, closing the door behind her before her light steps began to carry her through his kitchen. But she stopped beside the table when she spotted him on the bed.

Kakashi, unsure of how not to scare her away, shuffled slowly to the end of his bed and dropped his bare feet lightly to the floor. He closed his sharingan and drank in the sight of her, looking, smelling and sounding like the same woman who had spent night after night tumbling in his sheets with him, or healing his wounds after a bad mission, or ignoring him when she felt guilty about their quiet tryst. She was the same woman who told dirty jokes when they were dozing off, who would talk in her sleep, and would make herself a tea naked in his kitchen, grinning knowingly when she caught him watching.

She wore her red tunic and black shorts, omitting the leg guards. Her pink hair was smooth and parted to the side. A white box was cradled in her arm and her green eyes drifted over everything and anything that wasn't him.

"I'm not here to fight," she said coolly. "I…have something for you. I got it ages ago and felt you should have it. I'll just leave it here on the table and get going."

"Stay for a minute, Sakura," he said quietly.

Sakura's brow scrunched up tightly and her jaw tensed. Was it his voice that did it? Kakashi could hear her heart pounding, betraying the calm, indifferent look she managed to hold until a moment ago. His keen vision picked up the white knuckles on the box and the tightening muscles in her arms.

With aching slowness, she placed the box on the table and looked down at it. Her fingers tapped lightly on the cardboard while she laughed a little to herself, and then finally looked up at him with determined eyes.

Kakashi watched her silently, unsure of what to say as she guarded herself a little by regaining some cool composure. He wanted to ask her why she'd really come, but it might push her back out the door. It was Tuesday and she was standing in his kitchen. If he gave her enough time, they might be able to talk through the strain and discomfort they both were surely feeling.

Sakura began to take a few steps through his apartment, running her long fingers along his kitchen counter, and then flicking off the light under the cupboards to darken everything to the one dim light in the corner of his meagre living room. Her eyes traced the walls as she cautiously moved past the couch, and the bookshelf, and the window to move toward where Kakashi was sitting.

Damned it if his own body wasn't anticipating her first words, or even a touch. It had taken all he had not to slip into her apartment that morning she wandered home drunk from their bonfire party. But she was too intoxicated for any rational discussions and they probably would have just ended up in her bed. That would not do anything but make him feel even guiltier.

"I'll stay for a minute…but don't say a word, Kakashi. Not even a whisper. I just want one…just one…" she breathed out, her lips tightening as she blinked back tears, unable to finish what she wanted to say. "Please, for just a moment, stay like that. Don't move."

Kakashi's throat felt dry and he nodded once as calmly as he could. She began to walk closer until her toes were a centimetre away from his. He looked up at her, closing his sharingan to see her completely. Her scent drifted around him as did her body heat and he could almost feel her pounding heartbeat against the bare skin of his chest even though she had not yet touched him.

She lifted her hands slowly and slid them over his shoulders, leaving tingles of pleasure in their wake. Then she placed a knee on the bed beside him and lifted her other up to straddle his thighs, running her hands behind his neck to hold tight. The feeling of her fingertips against his skin was supremely satisfying.

When she spoke again, her lips were beside his ear, her hot cheek pressed against his and her body wonderfully warm along his front. But the emotional tremble in her voice made him tense in her tender grasp.

"I miss you," she whispered, her breath tickling his ear.

She was crying.

He moved to lift a hand and she whimpered, "Don't. Please…just a moment longer."

Afraid she would run, Kakashi put his hand back down on the bed and let her hold him, trying hard not to lean forward into her.

With a tip of her head, she pressed her forehead to his throat as she slid a hand up his shoulder into the back of his hair. Kakashi felt a small bit of anger rise in him that she was doing this, torturing them, forbidding him to have a little of what he wanted as well. Why do such a thing to him? To herself?

"I need to say goodbye," disjointed words fell from her trembling lips as she pressed them against his ear, tightening her hold around his lean body.

Kakashi closed his eyes and finally leaned into her, giving in to his own desperate need to be close one more time. Gently, he turned his head and pressed his lips to her throat. A soft sob came breathed out as her body wracked a little against him.

"I need to tell you…that I fell in love with you and I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen. It just did," she could barely get the words out now and her hold loosened. "I just had to say it once to you so you knew. I couldn't end us with a lie."

Kakashi's eyes snapped open and he whipped a hand around her back, clenching his fingers tightly into her shirt. "Sakura…!"

And with that one word, a small curl of smoke was all that was left in his hands.

"Fuck," Kakashi mumbled, more angry than upset. Typical Sakura. Once again she'd run. He was tired of this with her and bolted up off his bed to go to the kitchen, fully intending to have a drink and or perhaps throw something breakable.

Love him? He thought that was just a lingering thing from when she lost her memories and he'd rescued her. In all that time, he'd never imagined that she felt deeply about him. Confusion rippled through his mind. If she loved him, then why run away yet again?

What could possibly be the point of separating from him if she…

He approached the kitchen, completely forgetting about the white box on the table until the glass he pulled from the cupboard slid across the wood to bump into it. And for a moment, he just stared at the small mystery.

But when curiosity got the better of him, he slid the top of it open and felt the gut-wrenching memories of the past catch up.

A haraishin kunai. Minato's kunai. It was identical to the one that he was given by his sensei the day Kakashi became a Jounin. He thought they were all gone and hadn't seen one since he was a boy.

Kakashi lifted the heavy weapon from the box, feeling the familiar weight and testing the perfect balance, running his thumb over the engraved kanji in the handle. He held the cold, heavy iron ring at the base to his forehead and closed his eyes.

It must have taken her ages to find. Perhaps it was even the last one.

"Damn it," he growled.

She was getting out before she got hurt. She believed him indifferent.

He understood now.

* * *

Sakura was thankful for the night-time as she brushed the tears angrily away from her face. Her feet moved quickly, but if she had to think of what route she took to get home, she couldn't have said. The few moments alone with him kept running through her mind and she hated herself for going. She could have just as easily given Naruto the kunai and been done with it.

But given their history and the way she felt about him, she wanted Kakashi to have it. It would mean more to him because of the memories he had. It was right. Naruto had so many other things of his father's now. Kakashi deserved one thing.

Hearing voices in the street and desperate to avoid meeting up with anyone, Sakura slipped to the rooftops to continue her trek home, still angry with herself and Kakashi and the horrible situation. Wasn't she going to stay cold and indifferent? Wasn't she going to just drop the box off and leave? Damn it, why was she weak around him? She wasn't this timid girl who was lost without him anymore, was she? That woman had disappeared when her memories flew back into her head.

And if he hadn't spoken, she might have made it. If his smooth voice hadn't penetrated every inch of her, reminding her of times he'd growl out his desire in the quiet hours of the morning, or when he'd thank her after she healed him, or say "good morning" in that sleepy way when she woke beside him.

She'd let herself give in entirely, telling him she loved him. His shocked reaction was enough. Somehow she had thought he should have known all along. Couldn't he tell? Couldn't he see it in her eyes when she looked at him?

Damn men and their obtuse understanding of women. They were all morons in that realm.

Darting faster and faster, wanting to just get inside and wallow in her misery or just damn well break something, Sakura made her way to the familiar apartment building and landed on her doorstep. She was just about to put the key in the lock when something smacked against the door on either side of her. Sakura's wide green eyes looked up to see Kakashi's gloved hands flat against the wood, caging her in with his body.

He was…angry?

"Open the door, Sakura," he commanded quietly.

"What are you…?"

"Get the door open," he reiterated, dropping a hand to grab her wrist and lead the key to the lock.

"O…okay…" she breathed out quickly, unlocking the door and swinging it open, acutely feeling his hot fingers wrapped around her wrist. Hastily and clumsily, she hurried inside and spun to watch Kakashi, fully dressed in his shirt, mask and vest, walk slowly through the door, flicking it closed with a hard snap.

"What…are you doing here?" she asked, feeling confused about the visit after she'd just left.

"You can't say something like that and just leave," Kakashi said with a slightly cross tone.

"_You're_ angry?"

Kakashi began to walk toward Sakura and she reactively stepped back, but he kept coming. Treading quickly, she had to stop when she bumped into the couch. She tried to move but Kakashi's hands were there, grabbing her shoulders and steering her towards the chair. "Sit down," he commanded.

"But…!" she tried to argue, but he pushed her back gently until she flopped to sit down, staring up at him with astonishment.

"It's my turn to speak. Agreed?"

Sakura's open mouth snapped shut as her brow creased.

"Good." he said with finality, rubbing a hand through his hair and turning away. It wasn't normally in Kakashi to rant and rave, but he felt the perturbation from her foolish comments back in his apartment rippling through him. It was hard to come and be the antagonizer, because that just wasn't him. He tended to go with the flow, even with the undefined state of their relationship, and he had to admit he may have had a hand in how her ideas about the things between them went awry. Labelling it never seemed necessary, but perhaps that was her misinterpretation of his side. But still, she wasn't excused.

He paced for a second, thinking of exactly he wanted to say and how. Then turning back, he tugged down his mask and breathed out a sigh.

"Do you remember that conversation we had back in the beginning of all of this? The one about Naruto?"

Sakura's eyes skirted the ceiling and floor nervously as she thought about it what he meant.

"You were thinking about what was happening between us and you said Naruto would break the Hokage monument if he knew we were in bed together. And then you went on to talk about Tsunade and Ino. You tried to hide it, but I understood you were frightened that they wouldn't accept us."

Sakura's brow creased and she opened her mouth to speak.

"Don't," Kakashi mumbled with a finger up. "You made a choice right then. You didn't want to tell them you were with me and so you didn't. You came to my apartment or asked me to yours and I came. If you were there in the morning, we'd have breakfast and when you saw me anywhere on the street, it was your choice to speak with me or not. I never once imposed anything on you. You were ruled by your guilt and fear, but I never felt those things."

Kakashi looked down at her for a reaction, and he could tell she understood where he was going with it by the tiny bite of her lip. Her hands were gripping the chair sides tightly and he believed she was ramping up to something. It was about time.

"I didn't push you when you quit this. I didn't know what to say when you cried in my apartment that day, but you chose to end it and again, I conceded to what you wanted. I thought you'd finally hit the end when I was injured and realized you just wanted out. I feel a little foolish that it was quite the opposite that you wanted and I didn't pick up on it. But I let you go and gave you the space you asked for."

A trembling hand lifted to her red cheek, pressing into the flushed skin. She was getting angry and he was pleased. The Sakura who sobbed softly wasn't the woman he wanted. This girl, getting ready to break the chair and lunge at him was the person he knew best.

"Tsunade forbid me to go when you went missing, you know. She thought I was too close to the situation as we appeared to be good friends in her eyes. But I couldn't let someone else botch up finding you. It's been a long time since I was so frightened," he said quietly as she nodded back in complete understanding.

"And then when your memories came back, you ran. A month, Sakura. Even tonight you ran away." Even in the face of her growing anger, he kept his voice even and calm.

"I'm sorry," she growled out.

"Sorry that you love me, or sorry that you said it? The worst thing about all of this is that you never trusted me enough to tell me. Did I ever give you the impression that it was all just sex for me? I've had no other women, and I have never been secretive. Have I ever said no to you about anything? Whatever made you think we weren't in a relationship?"

She rubbed hard at her forehead.

"You didn't ask what I wanted, Sakura. Not once."

"I said I was sorry…" she huffed, standing up to meet him toe to toe.

"Stop saying you're sorry!" Kakashi shot back.

"What do you want me to say!" she shouted, pushing his chest a little and backing him up a step or two. "I didn't want out. I didn't want to leave. I _never_ wanted to leave."

"Then why?"

"Because I wanted you to beg me!" she yelled, grabbing his vest and twisting her hands in it, her face a picture of anger and distress. "I wanted you to stop me. I wanted to know that you loved me and wanted me as badly as I wanted you. But you didn't. You just let me walk away."

Kakashi closed his eyes and shook his head, suddenly seeing everything clearly right then.

"Beg? Is that what you really wanted? I'm supposed to read that idea into you saying you want out? I didn't want you to leave, but I wasn't about to force you to stay in something you didn't want."

"I looked at you lying there, bleeding, expiring. I have never been so scared in my life, Kakashi. I saw this future suddenly that I wanted with you. And the blood on my hands kept showing me that I couldn't have it."

"You underestimated me."

"I've known you for years, Kakashi. I get your bored, lazy exterior, dirty books, lax lifestyle and a willingness to die for any of us. But I wanted something more than just nights in bed with you. I wanted to wake up with you every morning, and tell people at work about stupid things we did at home. I wanted to see your shirts hanging in the closet with mine and I wanted to maybe one day have children with your eyes. Do you understand now? It's more that you can give me." Sakura's forehead dropped to his chest as she shook with her angry confession and subsequent exhaustion. "I wanted you to love me that much as well."

"Sakura…" he said again, lifting her chin to make her look at him. "How can you say I don't? You never asked me. Granted I've been a poor imitation of someone who cares about you, but I can give you those things. It should have been _you _asking _me_ to stay. That's all it would have taken."

"Wh…what?" she whispered, her breathing ragged, her entire body tight and painful. "Are you sure? Because I'm asking for everything now. I want everything. Do you love me enough for that?"

Kakashi leaned forward, closing the space between them to slide a hand into her long hair and pull her closer. "Yeah, Sakura. I believe I do," he whispered onto her lips before kissing her softly.

Sakura's arms closed around his neck, tugging him so tightly against her, he feared she might break his collarbone. But he smiled as he pressed his face into her hair, a little out of sorts about the new step they'd just seemed to leap through, but feeling it was the correct choice as it had been a while since he'd actually felt content.

"I love you so much," she whimpered into his vest, making him smile.

"Me too."

* * *

Morning dawned and Kakashi growled a little that Sakura had left her curtains open. But instead of the norm of telling him to get up and close them, she just pulled herself tighter along the line of his body with an arm over his side.

Still clothed because they'd spent the night talking, dozing off and lying close together, Kakashi shuffled out from against her warm body and rolled to sit on the edge of the bed. Sakura rolled a little as well, snuggling into the warm niche his body had left. It was Wednesday morning and like so many others, he found himself in her apartment and lacking the energy to go home.

Perhaps it was time they chose one apartment and one bed? Maybe over breakfast, he could propose it.

Throughout the night, she spoke about the future that she wanted with him and the only thing that gave him a small shock was the idea of children. He'd never contemplated children, but he supposed if they looked like her, it might be all right. But as sure as he was his father's likeness, and Sakumo was his father's likeness, they were bound to look like Hatake.

The idea would take some getting used to, but she was young and career oriented so they had some time before she became serious about the idea. The thought of having a son wasn't without its appeal. His mortality liked the idea of his name carrying on and she would be a good mother.

Her last fear with moving forward was telling Naruto and Sasuke, as well as Tsunade and Shizune. Kakashi had no real difficulty in telling any of them. What would they really care? As her other memory-free self, she'd confessed to enough people that she wanted him. What difference did it make if memories were attached or not?

As he stood up and wandered to the kitchen to make them both a tea, Kakashi heard a knock at the door, loud and obnoxious. Obviously Naruto.

"Yeah…min…ute…" Sakura mumbled into her pillow in the bedroom.

Kakashi felt the cocky grin spread across his face as he pulled his mask up. Dressed only in the black, sleeveless shirt and his jogging pants, his bare feet carried him to the door and he opened it up with a swift tug.

"Hey, Sak...wh….at…the…?" Naruto's wide blue eyes looked up at Kakashi as he stood half-clothed in Sakura's doorway. Sasuke stood beside Naruto, his dark eyes narrowing.

Kakashi's eyebrows rose over his lazy, half-lidded eyes in question.

Naruto took a step back and looked up at the building, his mouth still open and his eyes wide. Apparently he was checking to see if he was at the right place.

"Sakura was supposed to meet us for breakfast," Sasuke spat, his black eyes tracing Kakashi's relaxed form as the older Jounin rubbed a hand sleepily through his hair.

"I see. Well, I'll get her out of bed and throw her in a shower. She'll catch up with you later," Kakashi said evenly, then swung the door closed to shut out Naruto's stunned expression and Sasuke's obvious displeasure. It made him chuckle softly as he wandered back into Sakura's bedroom and climbed back on the bed.

Mission accomplished.

"Who was that?" she asked groggily, wrapping her arms back around him and snuggling close.

"Sasuke and Naruto. You were supposed to meet them for breakfast," Kakashi whispered as he pressed soft kisses to her throat. Sakura tipped her head back to give him better access to her warm skin.

"And?" she laughed softly with a hint of incredulity.

"And I told them I'd put you in a shower after you got out of bed."

"Oh God," she scoffed. "No need to say anything else, I guess. It'll be all over the place by noon. They'll be banging down the door."

"Guess so. Suppose there's no turning back now," he replied with a smirk, and then whispered against her cheek, "So…how about that shower."

* * *

Days and weeks passed as they tended to do, and Sakura breathed in the scent of lilacs from the neighbours rooftop and drank a glass of warm red wine as she waited there for him to come home. The nutty, strong taste slid down her throat warming her stomach and relaxing her after a long day at the hospital.

It was always a nice moment to sit there and think about the long road they'd taken to get to the point they were at, but perhaps the bumps made the arrival that much sweeter.

Over time, the strange looks had died away and people got used to seeing her with Kakashi. He never seemed to have any difficulty with that, and so she felt emboldened by it as well. Naruto seemed to warm up to the idea a lot faster than Sasuke did, but that was an Uchiha thing. He'd get used to it one day, but at least they were on civil terms again and could talk and be normal for Naruto. It was pleasant enough for them both.

Ino was thrilled, really. She'd never thought Kakashi to be the settling down type, she'd confessed, but secretly rooted for them.

The stars were bright overhead and the breeze was cool, but she liked to sit and wait in her chair for Kakashi to come home from his missions while wrapped in a warm blanket and a glass of something strong in her hand.

Often as she waited, she'd think about that time she was another person, frightened and alone. He'd been there for her too, as had all her friends. But seeing them fresh and new for the first time like that had made her understand them and herself better.

When her memories returned, reconciling the two women had been harder than she imagined. In some ways she liked the blissful ignorance of not knowing what she knew about shinobi life, but the naïve innocence didn't suit her anymore. But even now, sometimes she would be taken off guard by remembering the loneliness and lost feeling of being that other woman.

The biggest thing she'd learned was that her friends were loyal beyond compare and would accept her no matter who she was. That made it so much easier to be with Kakashi.

When she looked back down at the row of rooftops next to hers, Kakashi was already approaching along the ledges with slow, comfortable steps, his pack over his shoulder and most likely a smile beneath the mask.

She anticipated the moment they'd slide into their bed in their apartment and make love slowly and gently, recounting all the spots on each other's bodies that they'd memorized over the months and months together. And when it was over, he would be there in the morning and for the rest of her life, smiling over the coffee, helping to fold the laundry, and maybe one day, holding their child in his strong arms.

When he finally landed on the rooftop of their building, Kakashi tugged down his mask and laughed, "Were you waiting for me again? I wasn't due back until tomorrow."

"I knew you'd be back early," she teased. "It's Tuesday night, after all…"

* * *

Another finished. Thanks to my new beta moderndayportia for her dilligent work with editing, and to icarust for being wonderful and helping me bounce ideas through the rough spots. And of course, thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. It has always encouraged me to keep with a story even when I get frustrated with them. Thanks.

Leafy.


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